Pre-Raphaelite Clerihew2

This is a serious poetry forum not a "love-in". Post here for more detailed, constructive criticism.

Pre-Raphaelite Clerihew2

Postby Antcliff » Mon Mar 20, 2017 2:40 pm

Dante Gabriel Rossetti
married Lizzy (not Betty).
She was hung in the Tate.
Dug up in Highgate.


I prefer the first because Jane Morris gets in. Still, for the fuller rhyme purests... :D
Betty does good work...last year she featured in one of mine rhymed with Ferlinghetti.

v1

Dante Gabriel Rossetti
married Lizzy (not Janey).
She was hung in the Tate.
Dug up in Highgate.
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur
Antcliff
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 6494
Joined: Thu Nov 24, 2011 1:35 am
Location: At the end of stanza 3

Re: Pre-Raphaelite Clerihew

Postby k-j » Mon Mar 20, 2017 6:51 pm

Problem is "Janey" doesn't rhyme with "Rosetti". You need confetti, jetty, libretti or some such. Rhyme in a clerihew has to be strict. No half rhyme jiggery-pokery.

"Petty" would be good. You want a non-Italian rhyme ideally.
fine words butter no parsnips
k-j
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
 
Posts: 2965
Joined: Thu Aug 04, 2005 10:37 pm
Location: Denver, CO

Re: Pre-Raphaelite Clerihew

Postby Lou » Tue Mar 21, 2017 6:25 pm

Nice, but k-j is right, a clerihew needs to rhyme properly and be metrically perfect. What about 'Married Lizzy, pink confetti'?

Best,
Lou
Lou
Prolific Poster
Prolific Poster
 
Posts: 476
Joined: Fri Jul 08, 2016 10:07 am

Re: Pre-Raphaelite Clerihew2

Postby Antcliff » Tue Mar 21, 2017 7:04 pm

I see, Clerihew purests. Okay, exit Janey Morris and I will bring in Betty (who I rhymed last year with Ferlinghetti).

Thanks K-J, Lou
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur
Antcliff
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 6494
Joined: Thu Nov 24, 2011 1:35 am
Location: At the end of stanza 3

Re: Pre-Raphaelite Clerihew2

Postby k-j » Tue Mar 21, 2017 11:14 pm

Ok you fixed the rhyme. More features of a first-rate clerihew (for which PG ought to have a dedicated subforum, by the way):

1. Entirely unmetrical lines, varying wildly in length.
2. Ideally, all four lines should refer to the subject. This Clerihew turns out to be more about the woman than DGR.
3. It should contain at least one piece of spurious, absurd or simply fictional information.
4. The more unlikely the rhymes, the better.

I'm not saying this piece falls at those hurdles. Just leaving this here as a reminder to whom it may concern. I'll try and write one if I get a moment tomorrow.
fine words butter no parsnips
k-j
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
 
Posts: 2965
Joined: Thu Aug 04, 2005 10:37 pm
Location: Denver, CO


Return to Post-a-Poem (Experienced)

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests

Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group