just like that (Nanbei)

Translated any poems lately? If so, then why not post them here?
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Lake
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just like that (Nanbei)

Post by Lake » Mon Mar 16, 2015 9:28 pm

就这样

山谷里,我的木屋子
屋外有几棵芭蕉
屋内
也有几棵

芭蕉的叶片
亮绿
阔大

阳光爬进屋里来了
阳光是绿的
风也爬进屋里来了
风也是绿的

我坐在地上
喝茶
看芭蕉在风中
在阳光下摇晃

就这样,一杯茶
一个上午

just like that

in the valley is my cabin
outside, a few plantain trees
inside, a few, too

their leaf blades
bright and green
wide and huge

sunlight has crawled in
it is green
so has wind
it is also green

I sit on the ground
drinking tea
watching plantain trees
sway
in the wind
in the sunlight

it is just like that
a cup of tea
a whole morning
Aim, then, to be aimless.
Seek neither publication, nor acclaim:
Submit without submitting.

一 Cameron

k-j
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Re: just like that (Nanbei)

Post by k-j » Tue Mar 17, 2015 11:42 am

I obviously can't comment on the translation, but I absolutely love the third verse! (and indeed the poem as a whole).
fine words butter no parsnips

Antcliff
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Location: At the end of stanza 3

Re: just like that (Nanbei)

Post by Antcliff » Wed Mar 18, 2015 11:58 am

Hello Lake! Huzzah. Nice to see you calling by. :D It has been a while.

Like K-J, I liked the poem.

A lovely relaxed contented scene and mood nicely conveyed.

Seth
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur

Lake
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Re: just like that (Nanbei)

Post by Lake » Wed Mar 18, 2015 4:18 pm

Hi k-j,

Thank you for reading and commenting. Glad you liked it.
Haven't done any writing and translation for a year or so, your commnet assured me of my work's readability. Very encouraging.

Best,

Lake
Aim, then, to be aimless.
Seek neither publication, nor acclaim:
Submit without submitting.

一 Cameron

Lake
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Re: just like that (Nanbei)

Post by Lake » Wed Mar 18, 2015 4:29 pm

Hello Seth,
Antcliff wrote: It has been a while.
Yes, indeed.
Antcliff wrote: A lovely relaxed contented scene and mood nicely conveyed.
Glad the relaxed contented scene and mood are converyed through this translation.

Spring greetings!

Lake
Aim, then, to be aimless.
Seek neither publication, nor acclaim:
Submit without submitting.

一 Cameron

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Re: just like that (Nanbei)

Post by cynwulf » Wed Mar 18, 2015 8:38 pm

Hello Lake,
I enjoyed the reflective mood of this.Atmosphere well conveyed. I find it difficult to understand how the process of translating ideograms into specific words is done. Is this a modern author or is this from some period in the past, or isn't Chinese poetry like that, with greater continuity than western cultures? This piece in fact seems timeless, having no knowledge of Chinese culture does the structure of the language lead to this meditative sense- is the language as it were tenseless compared to Indo European tongues. An advantage Chinese has over alphabetic languages (possibly excepting Arabic which has exquisite calligraphy too) is the beauty of the written text on the page.
Regards, C.

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Re: just like that (Nanbei)

Post by Macavity » Sun Mar 29, 2015 4:28 pm

hi Lake,
The repetitions of green don't appeal to me - a sound thing - so I disagree with k-j, though I like the notions expressed in S3. Other than that I like the poem, which has an appealing straightforwardness.

look forward to more :)

all the best

badge :)

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