Winter 1919 by Anna Akhmatova

Translated any poems lately? If so, then why not post them here?

Winter 1919 by Anna Akhmatova

Postby cynwulf » Mon Dec 23, 2013 11:54 am

Зима 1919г
Чем хуше этот век предшестующих? Разве
Тем, что чаду лечали и тревог
Он к самой черной приколся язве,
Но исцелить её мог.

Еще на западе земное солцне светит,
И кровли городов в его лучах блестят.
А здесъ уж Белая дома крестоми метит,
И клучет воронов, и вороны летятю

Winter 1919
Has this century been worse than those that went before?
Surely so, that in a fog of fear and grief
It has probed the blackest sore,
And yet has failed to bring relief.

In the west the setting sun still blazes,
And city roofs are gleaming in its light,
But here Death scrawls crosses on the houses,
And calls the ravens, and the ravens fly.
cynwulf
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Re: Winter 1919 by Anna Akhmatova

Postby David » Tue Dec 24, 2013 7:15 pm

Very powerful stuff, cynwulf. Of course I've no way of comparing it with the original, but what you've come up with is pretty strong as far as I can see. These must have been dark days.

Cheers

David
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Re: Winter 1919 by Anna Akhmatova

Postby Antcliff » Thu Dec 26, 2013 4:00 pm

Hi Cynwulf,

having no Russian I can only comment on the poem as translated. I wonder of this is needed?

"..that went.."

It makes one line rather long and it looks redundant?

Best wishes,
Seth
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur
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Re: Winter 1919 by Anna Akhmatova

Postby cynwulf » Fri Dec 27, 2013 11:50 am

Hi David and Seth,
Thanks for the comments
Yes, she went through v dark times, but she ended in quite good circumstances.

I agree Seth , 'that went' shd go. Literal translation wd be '....than previous ones' Judith Hemschemeyer , who is considered her best translator into English by many (though I think she is too literal) puts it ' ... centuries that went before.

I've just noticed a typo at the end of the last line: 'ю' shd be a full stop, I must have forgotten to transfer back from the cyrillic keyboard.

Regards,
C.
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Re: Winter 1919 by Anna Akhmatova

Postby twoleftfeet » Fri Dec 27, 2013 1:09 pm

Hi, Cynwulf

I found the translation of which you speak -
http://followingpulitzer.wordpress.com/tag/anna-akhmatova/

If anything, I think yours reads better!

Geoff
Instead of just sitting on the fence - why not stand in the middle of the road?
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Re: Winter 1919 by Anna Akhmatova

Postby cynwulf » Thu Jan 02, 2014 12:04 pm

Thank you, Geoff, for your encouraging comment.
C.
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Re: Winter 1919 by Anna Akhmatova

Postby oggiesnr » Fri Jan 31, 2014 10:18 pm

Hi,

Whilst not as accurate what would you think about substituting "for" instead of "that" in l2?

It's a powerful poem anyway.

Thanks for the translation,

Steve
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Re: Winter 1919 by Anna Akhmatova

Postby cynwulf » Fri Jan 31, 2014 10:28 pm

Thanks for the comment Steve.' For' is an improvement on 'that', I will incorporate it in my final version , Thanks
C.
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