The Gun and The Heart - La Pistola y el Corazón

Translated any poems lately? If so, then why not post them here?
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Amadis
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The Gun and The Heart - La Pistola y el Corazón

Post by Amadis » Mon Jun 29, 2020 9:38 am

[English Translation]
The Gun and The Heart
I don’t know how to tell you
I don’t know how to explain to you
There is no cure
For how I feel
For how I feel

The moon says to me do one thing
The stars say to me to do another
And the light of day sings to me
This sad song
This sad song

Those kisses you gave to me, my love
Are the ones that now are killing me
But my tears are drying now
With my gun and my heart
And now my life is forever with
The Gun and the Heart

I don't know how to love you
I don't know how to hold you
Why can’t I leave
This pain I feel
This pain I feel

Tonight is so dark
With shadows so still
And the wind sings to me
This humble song
This humble song

Those kisses you gave to me, my love
Are the ones that now are killing me
But my tears are drying now
With my gun and my heart
And now my life is forever with
The Gun and the Heart.


[Original Spanish / Castilian]
La Pistola y el Corazón
No se como decirte
No se como explicarte
Que aqui no hay remedio
De lo que siento yo
De lo que siento yo

La luna me dice una cosa
Las estrellas me dicen otra
Y la luz del dia me canta
Esta triste cancion
Esta triste cancion

Los besos que me diste mi amor
Son los que me estan matando
Ya las lagrimas me estan secando
Con mi pistola y mi corazon
Y aqui siempre paso la vida con
La pistola y el corazon

No se como amarte
No se como abrasarte
Porque no se me deja
Dolor que tengo yo
El dolor que tengo yo

Esta noche tan oscura con sus
Sombras tan tranquilos
Y el viento me sigue cantando
Esta humilde cancion
Esta humilde cancion


Los besos que me diste mi amor
Son los que me estan matando
Ya las lagrimas me estan secando
Con mi pistola y mi corazon
Y aqui siempre paso la vida con
La pistola y el corazon

Amadis
Posts: 40
Joined: Sat Jun 20, 2020 12:54 pm

Re: The Gun and The Heart - La Pistola y el Corazón

Post by Amadis » Mon Jun 29, 2020 12:29 pm

Oh, I must state the original work is by David Hidalgo y Louie Pérez.

I thought of changing some lines in English to emphasise the decision being pondered:
"And now my life is to live by the Gun, or the Heart"
but the more direct translation has such ambiguity, that I just could not bring myself to mess with it.

The lines:
"La luna me dice una cosa, Las estrellas me dicen otra"

I do not feel I did these lines justice. the Moon being culturally linked to the heart, and the stars to destiny (perhaps even the ultimate one).
Spanish is so compact, to express all that in English would be too wordy and ruin the flow.
"The Moon, my heart, says one thing
The Stars, my destiny, say another"
(Not sure I happy with that either)

I hope the vivid imagery of the original carries through, despite the plain translation.

NotQuiteSure
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Re: The Gun and The Heart - La Pistola y el Corazón

Post by NotQuiteSure » Fri Jul 03, 2020 12:08 pm

.
Hi Amadis,
can I ask, what are you trying to achieve? Is it an English language version that could be sung to the same music,
or is it a translation into English (simply) to be read?

If it's the former, then this would be my take on the beginning

I do not know how to tell you
I don't know how to explain
That there is no cure
for the way that I feel
for this way that I feel

(I'd be surprised is the repetition in the last two lines works as well / has the same effect in English that
(I presume) it does in Spanish.

The Moon, my heart, she says one thing
The Stars, my fate, tell me more
And the light of the Day, he sings to me
this sad, sad song
this sad, sad song.


Amadis wrote:
Mon Jun 29, 2020 12:29 pm
the Moon being culturally linked to the heart, and the stars to destiny
So, what it the Sun, the 'light of day' linked to? And 'the wind'?


Regards, Not

.

Amadis
Posts: 40
Joined: Sat Jun 20, 2020 12:54 pm

Re: The Gun and The Heart - La Pistola y el Corazón

Post by Amadis » Fri Jul 03, 2020 12:27 pm

I am happy you asked.

My reading of the lines:
"Y la luz del dia me canta
Esta triste cancion"

Could be:
"The light of day sings to me such a sad song that I wish not to see another"
(And it is said at night, by a man with a gun in his hand)
That is the meaning that I perceive, but I lack the skill to say such in so few words as the original author.

There is also so many intentional ambiguities in this one.
i believe the writers went out of their way to not explicitly say in which direction the gun was pointed.
Inward, toward the heart of the narrator, or outward, toward a life of the gun.

So a very tricky translation, that I had to be careful with.

Amadis
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Joined: Sat Jun 20, 2020 12:54 pm

Re: The Gun and The Heart - La Pistola y el Corazón

Post by Amadis » Fri Jul 03, 2020 12:44 pm

I am not sure if my simple translation could work as an english song to be sung.
I was not thinking of that, just admiring the poetry of the authors, and doing my translation thing.
(It is a bit of an obsession with me)

One could do hundreds of translations of any Language piece, any serious attempt would suffice, but they would all be lacking in some way.

For translation, I feel there are two roads you can travel:
1 - Stay as close to the intention of the author as you are humanly able
2 - Write your own piece, and call it "Inspired by insert name'

That is my approach, others may want to go another way.

Cheers.

NotQuiteSure
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Re: The Gun and The Heart - La Pistola y el Corazón

Post by NotQuiteSure » Fri Jul 03, 2020 12:45 pm

.
Hi Amadis.
My original question still remains: what is the purpose of your translation?
Amadis wrote:
Fri Jul 03, 2020 12:27 pm
My reading of the lines:
"Y la luz del dia me canta
Esta triste cancion"

Could be:
"The light of day sings to me such a sad song that I wish not to see another"
(And it is said at night, by a man with a gun in his hand)
That is the meaning that I perceive, but I lack the skill to say such in so few words as the original author.
Right. So, contemplating suicide or a life of violence?
There's still the issue with the repeating lines (not to mention, how does the 'light of day' sing at night? :) )
but, would this be closer to what you think is the original authors intent?
And the light of the day, he sings to me
such a sad, sad song
that I don't want to see the dawn / that I can't bear to face the dawn.



Regards, Not

.

Amadis
Posts: 40
Joined: Sat Jun 20, 2020 12:54 pm

Re: The Gun and The Heart - La Pistola y el Corazón

Post by Amadis » Fri Jul 03, 2020 1:22 pm

That's not bad, Not, I like that.

But you are getting perilously close to writing an, "Inspired By' piece.
Not that that would be a bad thing.
i would read it ;)

Amadis
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Re: The Gun and The Heart - La Pistola y el Corazón

Post by Amadis » Fri Jul 03, 2020 1:43 pm

One of the things I find so wonderful about this piece:
The Spanish language grammar is all about who is doing what to whom.
It is built into the verbs.
It takes work to leave ambiguous what the Gun and the Heart are doing,
The authors could have pointed that gun in a single verb, if they chose.

Oh, and the wind, the wind is his conscience, or The Breath of a Christian God.
Again, I cannot go that far, unless it be an inspired by....

Amadis
Posts: 40
Joined: Sat Jun 20, 2020 12:54 pm

Re: The Gun and The Heart - La Pistola y el Corazón

Post by Amadis » Fri Jul 03, 2020 2:47 pm

Not, you asked me the purpose of this translation.
I know the answer now.

I wanted to explore and discuss this song / poem that I love.

thanks to you.

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