Arghhhh

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
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Danté
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Arghhhh

Post by Danté » Sun Nov 30, 2008 4:58 pm

Arghhhh

It’s so pointless
gathering useless thoughts
to pollute virgin
pages with utter crap.
My coat might improve
some visual aspect
of my appearance,
but don’t bother yourself
I’m a waste of time
washed up like flotsam
on some fucking scabby
stretch of piss poor beach.
Even seagulls vomit,
crabs scatter as if
a crustacean plague just
waved a flag towards
those stupid sticky out eyes
which I’d pull off if only
the cowardly bastards
kept still long enough.
I’ll limp home and get
totally shot to pieces.
If I kick another rock,
I might not even walk
that far, and how tragic
would it be, maybe if I
lay in cold water, the moon
will have sympathy,
do the decent thing and deliver
me, where all the other
useless junk ends up,
out of sight……..
leaving your mind to be free.


.
to anticipate touching what is unseen seems far more interesting than seeing what the hand can not touch

Suzanne
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Re: Arghhhh

Post by Suzanne » Sun Nov 30, 2008 7:15 pm

Tim,
A lot of power in this.
Inspired writing spewed out on the beach.
I don't know what else to say that won't sound silly compared to the emotion I just read.
There are phases that I loved but picking any of them out right now would somehow detract from the whole.
I wanted to reply immediately after reading it,...
it has so much energy. I wanted to nod my head in your direction.
Suzanne

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pitseleh
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Re: Arghhhh

Post by pitseleh » Sun Nov 30, 2008 11:29 pm

yeh a nod in your direction for this matey. just controlled enough to mean something.

cant see how taking this apart would do you or anyone else any favours.

take care
harrison
Aren't people absurd! They never use the freedoms they do have but demand those they don't have; they have freedom of thought, they demand freedom of speech.

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Re: Arghhhh

Post by arunansu » Mon Dec 01, 2008 1:29 pm

Love the burst of emotion here, Tim. You have spilled the words from your heart. Are you hinting at writer's block?
However, great one.
Smiles.

Charles
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Re: Arghhhh

Post by Charles » Mon Dec 01, 2008 3:37 pm

Geat force and imagery, loved the end. Could help think of that Larkin poem that end "Such attics cleared of me! Such absences!". It's hard to accept that as an artist you can create something that goes beyond your our own sad little world, even though it was created within it - but you've done it here.

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Re: Arghhhh

Post by PhilipCFJohnson » Mon Dec 01, 2008 6:11 pm

This poem has such conviction and personality! It's so raw and forceful, I haven't read many poems like it at all!
Specto Nusquam

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Re: Arghhhh

Post by writedis » Mon Dec 01, 2008 10:59 pm

This type of poetry hits home with me because its flow highlights a moment in thought that mimics reality. i.e. it would be natural to have that pattern of thought in the length of time it takes to read it.

It would make an intriguing suicide note. Hehe... but a legendary, rockstar type. Almost as if the subject has so many problems, everything now pisses them off.

The pull of the moon - tide carrying away etc... is great stuff.

If I was going to be picky, Id say 'totally shot to pieces' may be an idiom out of reach for those without the exposure to such sayings. But I cant make my mind up as to if its a good thing or bad thing though. :wink:

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