Baroque

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Danté
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Baroque

Post by Danté » Sun Nov 23, 2008 2:29 pm

Baroque

She never peeled a single grape
I’m sure she would have done;
the vine looked physically inept
it hung its fructose in globules.

I’d have loved bedtime stories,
her quaint, middle England sound
sliced through all my tenacity
leaving it unpredictably docile.

Her eyes were completely fixed
while mine gathered images
of tall Victorian houses, which I
teased, mood-struck on canvas.

When she suggested I give up
my job, then dedicate myself
to a life of artistic expression
I was tempted, and almost did.

We would blind-fold each other
and play for hours, without light
to disturb our remaining senses
or impose reality on dark lucidity.

I could see my productive years
laid in front of me, like imminent
death, which surely would have
been the nature of my destruction.

A room filled with sheets of clay
and rolled canvas, her love offered
unconditionally, could have been
a fitting route towards my final exit.

It wasn’t time, so I walked away
reattaching the leash of routine
which at times, drives me to despair
on a path of living my life, for now.


.
to anticipate touching what is unseen seems far more interesting than seeing what the hand can not touch

Suzanne
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Re: Baroque

Post by Suzanne » Sun Nov 23, 2008 5:59 pm

Hi Tim,

There are lot of very nice images here, it is a big story. It seems to go back and forth from cold factual information to warm visuals. A good example of that is the last section. The first line is so factual with no explanation and the rest is poetic imagery. I think that the overall feeling is lost when there is this dual perspective, my opinion. ;-) I think that I like the more romantic side of this piece. As a bit of an artist myself, I would even enjoy more detail in the wrestling with quitting your day job or not...

Cheers,
Suzanne

Charles
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Re: Baroque

Post by Charles » Mon Nov 24, 2008 2:48 am

Hi,

I like this a lot, the melting of the contrast and conflict of the erotic to the routine is brilliant. The lost potency... brill... The whole thing captures the warm pleasure of a enticed semi in yer trousers that never comes to fruition but was nice anyway. I'm struggling to find something to actually crit, so I'll be lazy and leave that to the more experienced members.

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Re: Baroque

Post by Danté » Mon Nov 24, 2008 7:15 pm

Suzanne

Thanks for your thoughts, I will have think about the poem and come back to it.
I appreciate what you are saying, but I have to keep it contained and maybe even shortened.
It was a foul afternoon yesterday, I had a little time on my hands and rattled this off and in all honesty was going to stick it in my bits box, but htought what the hell, it might have some merit.
I will as I say give real consideration to your input and see what can be done.

Charles

Glad you enjoyed and picked up on the subtleties that are dotted about the poem. To be honest I´ve been trying to keep off these long peices, so I am chuffed that you liked the read.

Many thanks

Danté
to anticipate touching what is unseen seems far more interesting than seeing what the hand can not touch

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