Haiku Train

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
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sleepystupid
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Re: Haiku Train

Post by sleepystupid » Mon Nov 06, 2017 6:05 pm

a grisly house
fit for beasts bothered by heat
till winter slumber

Walton
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Re: Haiku Train

Post by Walton » Wed Dec 13, 2017 6:05 am

The first post mentioned the 5-7-5 was lax, I think this is ok unless it’s become strict

till winter slumber
year earned sales enslave us
your smile worth it

W
sorry - sometimes - these eyes, leave me

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Danté
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Re: Haiku Train

Post by Danté » Sun Jan 21, 2018 4:37 pm

your smile worth it
more than any asking price
the number is five
to anticipate touching what is unseen seems far more interesting than seeing what the hand can not touch

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Suzanne
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Re: Haiku Train

Post by Suzanne » Tue Jan 23, 2018 10:52 pm

The number is five,
I don't know why that matters:
It's my new guitar.

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Mirrorball
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Re: Haiku Train

Post by Mirrorball » Mon Aug 13, 2018 9:01 am

The crow is clever,
he finds his reflection and
keeps it for himself.

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Re: Haiku Train

Post by Macavity » Sun Sep 09, 2018 3:01 am

Keeps it for himself
a mist rolls over the pines
the lake's fringe frosted.

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Mirrorball
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Re: Haiku Train

Post by Mirrorball » Sun Sep 09, 2018 9:41 am

Ah I see, pay attention to first and last post, silly me :)

The lake's fringe frosted,
icy swan darts to hard ground,
a big wet breast slides
Last edited by Mirrorball on Sun Sep 09, 2018 10:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Binz
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Re: Haiku Train

Post by Binz » Sun Sep 09, 2018 9:56 am

a big wet breast slides
in the gravy of Sunday.
huh! chicken again
If you want to fly, you must first spread your wings.

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Mirrorball
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Re: Haiku Train

Post by Mirrorball » Sun Sep 09, 2018 10:22 am

huh! chicken again,
motorcycle tyre strips.
I'd better slow down

Pauline
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Re: Haiku Train

Post by Pauline » Sun Sep 09, 2018 3:27 pm

I'd better slow down.
I just want to talk to you.
I'll take the long route.

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Mirrorball
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Re: Haiku Train

Post by Mirrorball » Sun Sep 09, 2018 4:29 pm

I'll take the long route.
Scent lingers on my backseat,
your shape imprints foam.

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Re: Haiku Train

Post by Pauline » Wed Sep 12, 2018 10:06 pm

Your shape imprints foam.
Low, and barely audible.
A song within songs.

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Binz
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Re: Haiku Train

Post by Binz » Thu Sep 13, 2018 6:33 am

A song within songs.
One track on every album
is a dud, skip it.
If you want to fly, you must first spread your wings.

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Mirrorball
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Re: Haiku Train

Post by Mirrorball » Thu Sep 13, 2018 9:45 am

is a dud, skip it.
Another soggy firework.
Bonfire night washout.

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Re: Haiku Train

Post by Macavity » Tue Nov 06, 2018 6:58 pm

Bonfire night washout
tapping relentless tempo
bebop bopbe bop

bjondon
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Re: Haiku Train

Post by bjondon » Tue Nov 06, 2018 8:37 pm

bebop bopbe bop
Westerners get it all wrong
unbalanced by Greeks

ton321
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Re: Haiku Train

Post by ton321 » Tue Nov 13, 2018 1:55 am

Unbalanced by Greeks
We wave from our Happy-Train
at eaters of fish
Counting the beats,
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.

Robert Graves

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Re: Haiku Train

Post by Macavity » Thu Nov 15, 2018 6:54 am

At eaters of fish
they offer a washing-line
of recycled hooks

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Re: Haiku Train

Post by Moth » Thu Nov 15, 2018 10:33 am

of recycled hooks
brand new equipment is made
sturdy, well-rounded.
to be totally honest... whenever you feel you really shouldn't write that, that's exactly what you should write.

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Re: Haiku Train

Post by Macavity » Sat Nov 17, 2018 1:03 am

sturdy, well-rounded,
no history of being
emaciated

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Re: Haiku Train

Post by Moth » Sat Nov 17, 2018 2:15 am

Emaciated
dummies in too large garments
in need of a shrink.
to be totally honest... whenever you feel you really shouldn't write that, that's exactly what you should write.

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JJWilliamson
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Re: Haiku Train

Post by JJWilliamson » Sat Nov 17, 2018 10:09 am

In need of a shrink,
said the violet to the rose.
Autumn should do it.
Long time a child and still a child

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