Vale Pax Americana

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Amadis
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Vale Pax Americana

Post by Amadis » Sat Aug 01, 2020 9:41 am

The comet, a sign, signals change
all feel its influence on life
anger rises, increasing strife
not so new and not so strange

But who can believe what we hear
when the tail wags the dog
with the war comes the fog
what is good is no longer clear

The Number Magicians' magic fails
three is the magic number of meals
hunger the breaker of all deals
reckless fishermen fleets set sail

The long sleeping giant awakes
there are accounts to tally
the old allies try to rally
but it is The Earth that is at stake

Now our sky above is not our own
nor our own bodies a fortress
all fall to the spell of the sorceress
a forced realisation that we are one

When it comes, The New, has no tact
so scramble in the dirt, sheep
beg, for a quiet place to sleep
The New World Order does not look back.


--V2--
The comet, a sign, signals change
all feel its influence on life
anger rises, increasing strife
not so new and not so strange

Who can believe what we hear
when the tail wags the dog
with war comes the fog
the future vision is never clear

The Magicians magic numbers fail
three is the magic number of meals
hunger the breaker of all deals
reckless fishermen fleets set sail

The long sleeping giant awakes
there are accounts to tally
the old allies try to rally
but it is hunger that is at stake

Now our sky above is not our own
nor our own bodies a fortress
all fall to the spell of the sorceress
a forced realisation that we are one

When comes The New has no tact
so scramble in the dirt sheep
beg for a quiet place to sleep
the new world face does not look back.


--V1--
More to come
we all get some
anger sometimes rises
the tail wags the dog
Magicians magic fails
sleep is over
accounts to tally
our sky is not our own
the body a fortress
made public knowledge
a scramble to the dirt
a quiet place to sleep
the new face looks back
not.

---
I found this one in my own thread, written too quickly, I only now see what it may be.
Last edited by Amadis on Sat Aug 08, 2020 4:57 am, edited 5 times in total.

Macavity
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Re: Vale Pax Americana

Post by Macavity » Sun Aug 02, 2020 6:03 am

Interesting one Amadis. Wars, empires, conflicts were a focus of interest when I was in school (a while ago now :) ). I enjoyed history lessons (starting with the Roman Empire), perhaps a child is not taught to appreciate peace. History does teach that empires come and go, as does peace and war, though our destructive capacity has increased. Of course, the shrinking of the world through modern media has intensified the focus on conflict. The communication revolution has also resulted in greater cultural hegemony. So many UK poetry publications are populated by American poets :D I believe there was some reaction to this when magazines started to publish poems in translation to give a voice to other cultures and languages. Of course, this resulted in even more competition and there are even less chances of being published in 'local' magazines. As a translator, you are no doubt aware of cultural dominance. UK news, and culture, has long been sucked into 'Americana' and its 'anxieties'.

best

mac

Amadis
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Re: Vale Pax Americana

Post by Amadis » Sun Aug 02, 2020 9:33 am

不要开枪!

Amadis
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Re: Vale Pax Americana

Post by Amadis » Sun Aug 02, 2020 9:55 am

Och aye, I ken your meaning on cultural hegemony.
But noo See ye efter to America,
is a lament!

NotQuiteSure
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Re: Vale Pax Americana

Post by NotQuiteSure » Sun Aug 02, 2020 11:51 am

.
Hi Amadis.
Goodbye America, Hello China?

It seems to lack focus (or I'm as slow on the uptake as ever):
don't understand the 'comet' or the 'sorceress', or why sheep
would be scrambling in the dirt (there should be a comma
after dirt).


Who can believe what we hear
when the tail wags the dog
when, with war comes the fog
the future vision is never clear.......................this doesn't seem a particularly interesting line
(and what peace means becomes unclear?)

The Magicians magic numbers fail
three is the magic number of meals................the repetition of 'magic number' is weak
hunger the breaker of all deals
reckless fishermen fleets set sail...................shouldn't this be either 'fishing fleets' or 'fishermen, fleets' ?

The long sleeping giant awakes.....................giant or dragon, feels a little lazy
there are accounts to tally..........................this doesn't follow from 'giant'
the old allies try to rally.............................but like how these two lines play together
but it is hunger that is at stake.....................you've hunger twice, either cut one, or make hunger a theme
...........................................................and have a mention in every verse?

Now our sky above is not our own
nor our own bodies a fortress.......................the phrasing of these two lines is awkward
all fall to the spell of the sorceress
a forced realisation that we are one..............really?

When comes The New has no tact.................don't understand this line at all
so scramble in the dirt sheep
beg for a quiet place to sleep
the new world face does not look back...........Ending on a weak pun is, well ... weak, I think.


Regards, Not

.

Amadis
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Re: Vale Pax Americana

Post by Amadis » Wed Aug 05, 2020 9:28 am

You got the theme, Not, I was aiming for a Nostradamus kind of vagueness of meaning along with portents of doom and suffering.
Economic collapse, biological warfare, global environmental degradation.
(Not very imaginative, these days )
Your right, it could do with some more work.

Amadis
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Re: Vale Pax Americana

Post by Amadis » Fri Aug 07, 2020 10:03 am

All good points, mostly addressed in V3, except:
"reckless fishermen fleets set sail"
Just feels so good on the tongue, when ones says it.

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