Childish iv - Porkies

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
Post Reply
NotQuiteSure
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
Posts: 2150
Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2016 4:05 pm

Childish iv - Porkies

Post by NotQuiteSure » Wed Jul 22, 2020 12:37 pm

.

iv
Porkies

This little piggy went to market
(he moved his firm to Ireland)

This little piggy stayed at home
(he drove to County Durham)

This little piggy had roast beef
(mmm, chlorinated chicken)

This little piggy had none
I voted to be poorer!

And this little piggy cried
Wee Wee Wee
gobbling up the NHS



.
Last edited by NotQuiteSure on Thu Jul 23, 2020 11:28 am, edited 3 times in total.

User avatar
Firebird
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 2337
Joined: Tue May 21, 2013 9:46 pm

Re: Childish iv

Post by Firebird » Wed Jul 22, 2020 1:08 pm

You should call it ‘Porkies’ :D.

I’m not sure what the first stanza refers to, though I understand what it’s getting at. And I think the final stanza should be Wee Wee Wee - I think it works better that way: pretending to cry, when gobbling up the NHS.

It would nice if each stanza were in some way a type of lie. Not really sure stanza three is though.

Cheers,

Tristan

NotQuiteSure
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
Posts: 2150
Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2016 4:05 pm

Re: Childish iv - Porkies

Post by NotQuiteSure » Wed Jul 22, 2020 2:15 pm

.
Hi Tristan.

You should call it ‘Porkies’ :D.
I should and I will! thanks.

I’m not sure what the first stanza refers to, though I understand what it’s getting at.
Rees-Mogg moving offices to Ireland

And I think the final stanza should be Wee Wee Wee - I think it works better that way: pretending to cry, when gobbling up the NHS.
Would Wee Hee Hee work?

It would nice if each stanza were in some way a type of lie.
I though they were (in some way) :)

Not really sure stanza three is though.
Reference to 'maintaining our high food standards' (similar to protecting the NHS).
could have had - full of yummy hormones ?

Regards, Not


.

User avatar
Firebird
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 2337
Joined: Tue May 21, 2013 9:46 pm

Re: Childish iv - Porkies

Post by Firebird » Wed Jul 22, 2020 8:15 pm

NotQuiteSure wrote:
Wed Jul 22, 2020 2:15 pm
.

And I think the final stanza should be Wee Wee Wee - I think it works better that way: pretending to cry, when gobbling up the NHS.
Would Wee Hee Hee work?

It’s better, but I still prefer Wee Wee Wee.

It would nice if each stanza were in some way a type of lie.
I thought they were (in some way) :)

I think this needs to be made a little clearer, though.

Not really sure stanza three is though.
Reference to 'maintaining our high food standards' (similar to protecting the NHS).
could have had - full of yummy hormones ?

Yes, that would be better. But the lie element still isn’t explicit enough for me in this instance.

Maybe something like this:

This little piggy had road beef,
while saying it was chlorinated chicken.

.

Cheers,

Tristan

NotQuiteSure
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
Posts: 2150
Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2016 4:05 pm

Re: Childish iv - Porkies

Post by NotQuiteSure » Thu Jul 23, 2020 11:27 am

.
Hi Tristan,
ok, the Wees have it.

Regards, Not

.

Post Reply