It ought to hurt

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Amadis
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It ought to hurt

Post by Amadis » Sun Jun 28, 2020 5:44 am

It hurts to write poetry.
And so it should,
for poetry is truth told.

Truth being ones own invention,
is always revealing.

What comes of revealing,
is unpredictable.

Reaction like the weather.

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Firebird
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Re: It ought to hurt

Post by Firebird » Sun Jun 28, 2020 8:44 am

Welcome Amadis to PG. Great to see you posting. I like the idea of your poem, but think, at present, it is a little too abstract (hurts/truth/unpredictable) and would benefit from a little more concrete imagery to make it more engaging for the reader. (See below) Continue to play around with it and maybe different images and see how the work for you.

It burns to write poetry.
And so it should,
for poetry is like the sun,

and being ones own invention,
reveals only half the world.

As such reactions vary,
like they do to the shipping news.

Don’t let it worry you if you don’t feel confident posting reviews of others work, just do it. All comments help. Simply start with what you like about another’s poem. Some more guidelines for reviewing others work can be found here: http://poetsgraves.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?t=3537


Hope this helps.

Cheers,

Tristan

Amadis wrote:
Sun Jun 28, 2020 5:44 am
It hurts to write poetry.
And so it should,
for poetry is truth told.

Truth being ones own invention,
is always revealing.

What comes of revealing,
is unpredictable.

Reaction like the weather.

Amadis
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Posts: 143
Joined: Sat Jun 20, 2020 12:54 pm

Re: It ought to hurt

Post by Amadis » Sun Jun 28, 2020 12:12 pm

Thanks Tristan.

I like your version, except for the Shipping News reference.
It misses the point.

Shipping News is known fact.
The reaction of others is wild like the weather.

(I feel a bit more confident now :)

Macavity
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Re: It ought to hurt

Post by Macavity » Sun Jul 05, 2020 5:39 am

hi Amadis,
Your poem - despite being abstract and about poetry, two major negatives - progressed in a way that kept me hooked. Perhaps it is that movement from assertive absolutes to assertive relatives, as if the writer is exploring the thought with the reader.

Feedback, of course, is always subjective :)

enjoyed

mac

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