You take a wrong turning out of Perth… (revision)

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bjondon
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You take a wrong turning out of Perth… (revision)

Post by bjondon » Thu Nov 14, 2019 5:59 pm

A proper city; two million people, at worst
400k from light, ale, snickers, fuel … a blowout should be enough

It happens - we go out just once a month
A simple matter of knowing which is north



V1
a proper city
two million people
at worst

400k from light
ale, snickers, fuel
- a blow out
should be enough

your vehicle naturally
would survive
I'll give you 40, 50
hours on the outside

it happens - we go out
just once a month
they call us angels

angels from the force
a simple matter
of knowing
which is north
Last edited by bjondon on Mon Nov 18, 2019 11:46 am, edited 6 times in total.

Dryanddeadwords
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Re: You take a wrong turning out of Perth

Post by Dryanddeadwords » Thu Nov 14, 2019 9:32 pm

Hi,

The poem ends for me at “survive”. Up to there, very nice.

Best regards,
Dylan

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Sid
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Re: You take a wrong turning out of Perth

Post by Sid » Thu Nov 14, 2019 9:57 pm

BJ,

Are you in the NRMA or similar breakdown service or police (reference to force)?

Why are you angels - Perhaps water angels? providing water. Or tyre repair. A tow or maybe SES?

Allow the poem to qualify slightly more as to why you are angels and there is also opportunity here to outline the emotions of the people stranded (most likely in the desert no less if they are heading East).

It’s a simple poem but I feel you have many more opportunities with this topic
Like the imprint left, an effect on your being - beautiful, wonderful, succinct.

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