The Onlie Begetter (V3)

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bjondon
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The Onlie Begetter (V3)

Post by bjondon » Sun Apr 21, 2019 5:57 pm

j k l m n o p .
j k l m n o p .
i! . . .
j k l m n o p
QR! . .
QR! . . .
s - t - u - v

j k l m n o p .
j.k..l ..m
nop




Minor revision from V2, just adding three dots to i! and switching off italics on the QR exclamation marks
V1

jklmnop
jklmnop
i
jklmnop
QR!
QR!
s - t - u - v
jklmnop
jkl m
nop
Last edited by bjondon on Sat May 18, 2019 8:33 pm, edited 32 times in total.

Pauline
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Re: The Onlie Begetter

Post by Pauline » Sun Apr 21, 2019 8:57 pm

Whaaaaat????
Sorry, but what on earth does this offer?
Its the alphabet.
Where's the emotion?
The atmosphere?.

The colours, and movement.
The story?
Where's the poetry?
Holy Jayzus!
Unless I'm totally ignorant, I got absolutely nothing from this piece.

If the hint is in the title it still reads like total crap to me.
Sorry to be so negative , and possibly ignorant, but this does absolutely nothing for me.

Macavity
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Re: The Onlie Begetter

Post by Macavity » Sun Apr 21, 2019 9:40 pm

hi Jules

The title, after googling, certainly got me interested in the Shakespeare angle. I haven't decoded the progressions in your poem beyond the obvious learning experience, though why the alphabet is ordered in the way it is led to some interesting info too. And even nop has a meaning. Well the net can find meaning in most combinations/passwords:

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define. ... jk...lmnop

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/QR_code


cheers

mac

bjondon
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Re: The Onlie Begetter (V2)

Post by bjondon » Mon Apr 22, 2019 8:43 pm

Thanks Pauline and mac - great responses
- This is a purely sonic piece (think Kurt Schwitters -
though less explosive, more of a metric, walking rhythm).
The cultural refs and Shakespeare red herring are
welcome bonuses (loved the jk...lmnop urban dictionary double bluff).

Pauline - you could have just said 'nop' - but on the other
hand this does seem to have woken you up :)
I guarantee if I performed this I could get
the whole room rocking.
But you have given me pause for thought - perhaps
I could improve the spacing and layout to
give better performance cues e.g. L9 is supposed to be
rallantando and the last line to be pronounced as
a word rather than a sequence of letters.
I make it 15 bars in 4/4 time (would have been nice if it
was 14!)

mac - great links. I hope this isn't your password :)

Jules

Pauline
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Re: The Onlie Begetter (V2)

Post by Pauline » Mon Apr 22, 2019 9:51 pm

bjondon wrote:
Mon Apr 22, 2019 8:43 pm
Pauline - you could have just said 'nop' - but on the other
hand this does seem to have woken you up
:) It certainly did. :)
bjondon wrote:
Mon Apr 22, 2019 8:43 pm
I guarantee if I performed this I could get
the whole room rocking.
Really :roll:
bjondon wrote:
Mon Apr 22, 2019 8:43 pm
But you have given me pause for thought - perhaps
I could improve the spacing and layout to
give better performance cues e.g. L9 is supposed to be
rallantando and the last line to be pronounced as
a word rather than a sequence of letters.
I make it 15 bars in 4/4 time (would have been nice if it
was 14!)
Jules, it's totally lost on me darl.
I don't hear Shakespeare, rallantando (don't even know what that is)
bars or beats per line.
I just see the alphabet.
But what I do love is the fact that you are experimenting and taking poetry beyond ones comprehension.
I'm also chuffed to bits you weren't offended by my response to this.
It ain't my bag, but i'm sure others will enjoy it. :D

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Perry
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Re: The Onlie Begetter (V2)

Post by Perry » Wed Apr 24, 2019 9:32 am

This poem is modernism on steroids, or perhaps I should call it post-post-post-post-post-modernism. In 500 years, when human beings have become half machine, this poem will be a hit.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.

bjondon
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Re: The Onlie Begetter (V2)

Post by bjondon » Fri Apr 26, 2019 9:03 pm

Thanks Pauline and Perry . . . I can see I'm not
going to convert you hardcore romantics but
you might get something from this brilliant
poetry foundation page on Kurt Schwitter's
'Ursonate' - according to them the greatest
sound poem of the 20th century . . .
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/harrie ... s-ursonate

rallentando - just music notation for slowing down
'the onlie begetter' - if like me you've read prefaces to Shakespeare's
Sonnets more often than the things themselves you might remember
academics frothing at the mouth trying to decipher the dedication
to 'W.H.' on the title page. H -> W ?

Jules

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Re: The Onlie Begetter (V2)

Post by Gorgonshead » Fri May 10, 2019 12:27 pm

Jules:

I remember as a child listening to

"jaykayellemmennohpee" as a single funny word. Like "supercalafragilistic".

I imagine a conversation between two kids:

"jaykayellemmennohpee" said Johnny.
"I! jaykayellemmennohpee" said Sally, correcting.
"QR, QR" shouting out together, laughing
etcetera

I picture it in the back seat of the car, on a long trip.

Probably not what you intended at all.

By the way, Pauline ー "Colours, movement, story..." these may be the requirements of poetry for you (and usually me too), but not for all ー see e e cummings for example. :D

Peter L

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Re: The Onlie Begetter (V2)

Post by HonourStedman » Sun May 12, 2019 4:12 pm

It is interesting that while version 1 of "The Onlie Begetter" would appear to be a sonic poem, version 2 is also intensely visual, and for me version 2 gets my vote. Serious visual elements in poetry are often ignored or not pursued by poets and I like the way that version 2 of the poem uses both the sonic and visual to achieve its effects. I am not sure about the depth of meaning in this poem but surely there is potential here for further exploration. Nice one, Jules. :)

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Re: The Onlie Begetter (V2)

Post by David » Sun May 12, 2019 4:14 pm

bjondon wrote:
Fri Apr 26, 2019 9:03 pm

'the onlie begetter' - if like me you've read prefaces to Shakespeare's
Sonnets more often than the things themselves you might remember
academics frothing at the mouth trying to decipher the dedication
to 'W.H.' on the title page. H -> W ?

Jules
D'oh! I should have got that. Thus explained, I like it.

I'd like to see you get the whole room rocking with it too. Although, if you did, how many of your listeners - without a similar explanation - would know what the hell it was about? I think they'd enjoy a virtuoso delivery of the letters, though. It's a bit like The Flowerpot Men. And I like a bit of flobalob.

Cheers

David

bjondon
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Re: The Onlie Begetter (V2)

Post by bjondon » Sat May 18, 2019 2:09 pm

At last, an awakening response! I do remember and love those
flobalobs too David :)
Peter . . . you are much closer than you think . . . kids in the back of a car
are kind of exactly the creative melting pot I am mining here!
Honour . . . really pleased you are picking up on the visual elements . . . you have to be
so parsimonious with any augmentations to the pure power and joy of plain
words on a blank page but they do and can amplify (if handled like dynamite!)
I have tweaked a little more to a V3.
Jules

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