The Poet

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
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Namyh
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The Poet

Post by Namyh » Thu Apr 04, 2019 11:43 pm

The Poet

The Poet, as master of creation, sculpts with words from ideation.
A poetic human Lens under Sun
who must concentrate its rays and in bold exquisite ways
tug the Heart and pluck its strings, one by one.

In a foxhole, words of Courage; out in Space, words of Hope,
on a deathbed, poet’s words to feel alive
are the jewels within a chest from the heart and head and breast
of a poet’s driven quest to pen the scribe.

And even when ‘no inspiration’ is the poet’s root frustration
and no wind to make a flag of words unfurl,
Time will tilt the Lens to daylight
bending words to pinpoint insight
and one breath will hurl that scribe across the world.

So embrace the poet’s mission, as you write with proud submission
to this self imposed commission that occurs.
So that when you speak of Beauty, Love and Death, Truth and Duty,
you’ll make Shakespeare smile with tears and lose his words.


Namyh

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Perry
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Re: The Poet

Post by Perry » Fri Apr 05, 2019 12:55 am

I understand exactly what you are doing in this poem, because I have written poetry similar to this -- but it was never my best work. You are writing in a grand style, making sweeping statements, and conveying big ideas. But life doesn't really exist on that level. The best poems (in my experience) are the ones that find universal ideas in common experiences. Life is usually lived at the level of the mundane, and that is where life's lessons are mostly learned, and where the best poetry originates. Some people on this forum who know my poetry may laugh because I have posted poems that make sweeping statements, but I am trying to move away from that.

I want to praise you for writing clearly -- that seems to be a dying art. I encourage you take that ability and apply it to less dramatic subjects -- i.e., to find the great in the mundane, the universal in the ordinary, the large in the small.

There has been a lot of talk about "telling" vs. "showing" on this forum. This is a poem that "tells". Telling (i.e., conveying concepts) can work very well, but not if the poem is in any way pretentious. It is always a good idea to ground what you are saying in some real event. What I hear in this poem is mostly posturing.

If I have been overly blunt, I apologize, but I think it is the best way to be helpful. Grand language is usually pretentious, and pretension in poetry is always amateurish.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.

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Re: The Poet

Post by Boat » Sat Apr 06, 2019 8:53 pm

Hello, Namyh.
I enjoyed reading this. Seems to me to be a harmless motivational poem.
It had the rhythm of a jingle. I was reminded of Rex Harrison singing (kind of) in My Fair Lady as I read from line to line.

I particularly liked the line 'and no wind to make a flag of words unfurl'. Nice.

You had the rhythm and the beat down nicely and it read effortlessly.

Regards.

Pat.
What the hell do I know about poetry?

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Perry
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Re: The Poet

Post by Perry » Sun Apr 07, 2019 11:45 pm

I have to admit that the poem has grown on me a little. Over the years, I've had so many people hammer me for writing pretentious poetry that I guess I felt the need to hammer someone else. Yes, this poem is pretentious in many ways, but it has its good moments. My apologies for coming down so hard on it.

I certainly don't want to discourage you from writing.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.

Namyh
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Re: The Poet

Post by Namyh » Thu Apr 11, 2019 11:50 pm

Perry - I don't mind being hammered. My anvil is pretty tough with time. I like writing the way I feel it, especially when it's grand ideas or just personal experiences. But what makes me most proud is that this poetic creation had grown on you a little, proving that sometimes we poets must step out of the box to see perspectives not seen before and draw on strengths not drawn on before so we can write the words not written before and maybe bring a vision not seen before. Poets! You gotta luv 'me! Thanks for your words Perry. Namyh......the often pretentious and the never discouraged.

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Re: The Poet

Post by Namyh » Fri Apr 12, 2019 12:05 am

Pat - I hope this motivational piece rocked your "Boat" and maybe unfurled your flag a little. You should have seen the rewrites on this baby and the time invested to get the rhythm and beat just write. No scribbler of words stands more proud than when a created work can be "read effortlessly" by a kindred poet. Thanks for the uplift Pat. Namyh

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Re: The Poet

Post by Charles » Mon Apr 15, 2019 12:04 am

Hi Namya,

I enjoyed this - a simple piece dealing with grand concepts but it works well. I can tell you're focusing hard on rhyming and meter, which are both crafts I sometimes struggle with so you have my admiration.

I feel this would work well as a spoken piece for the above reasons, when I read it the meter and rhyme were such that I could "feel" it being spoken.

I understand you want to capitalise things that are grand concepts, but I think you could look at the capitalisation again to make it a tad more consistent.

Again, enjoyed.

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