Boom! Boom!

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Boom! Boom!

Postby Namyh » Thu Dec 14, 2017 5:37 pm

Boom! Boom!

I felt hot and sticky as a moon pie stuck
on an old pickup sunbaked Chevy
and the battle bruised air in my soot laden lungs
made the morning taste of gunpowder heavy.

All my ammo was gone! And all the rifles were gone!
All the mortar rounds were missing with our gear
and we saw the enemy scramble in confusion.
Seems their weapons too had also disappeared.

But our Supply Sarge, unsupplied, had a bold plan.
He knew a way that we could still yet win the day.
Using a Positive Mental Attitude at it’s full force,
all the battles could be fought with PMA.

He said “Pretend I’m handing you a loaded rifle.
When you see the enemy, think and go Bang! Bang!
and a knife for close encounters when they happen
and Stab! Stab! will drop your foe yet once again.”

On the field, I had no choice. I thought Bang! Bang!
and heard the click of ejected shells from fired rounds.
And in shock, I knew my PMA was working dead on target
‘cause I saw my enemy shot and hit the ground.

I thought I heard a sound, not far out in the distance,
as we reveled in the enemy’s loss and doom,
‘cause the Bang! Bangs! and the Stab! Stabs!
were loud all thru the day ‘til a big sound shook the ground.
It went Boom! Boom!

Boom! Boom! I heard in the distance. Bang! Bang! sounded small.
Boom! Boom! sounded nearer. Stab! Stab! no sound at all.
And I saw an enemy soldier, with PMA strong you see,
saying “Tankity-Tank, Tankity-Tank.” Boom! Boom! rolled over me.

Hurt, I watched the Boom! Boom! explode on a bomb from air
launched by a comrade soldier’s PMA, unmeasured and rare.
Boom! Boom! seemed unusual and maybe a little farfetched
‘til I saw our soldier flying in air saying “Jettidy, jet, jet, jet.”

And I raised my head in pain from mud with tears that looked at sky
for Man’s mind was on display, uncaged by belief to fly.
If only he can live with his neighbor and not be socially retarded at core,
such gifts could aim at stars for targets than Death, the bullseye of War.


Namyh
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Re: Boom! Boom!

Postby David Smedley » Thu Dec 14, 2017 6:44 pm

Proper enjoyed this H, and will read numerous times, your rhyming came across kinda natural in most places, loved the jet the tank, and the "stab, stab," the ending worked for me too, giving an angle to the narrative. Did anything knock me out of the poem? Not much!



I felt hot and sticky as a moon pie stuck
on an old pickup sun-baked Chevy
and the battle bruised air in my soot laden lungs
made the morning taste of gunpowder heavy.

I thought "sun-baked Chevy pickup" flowed better, but see you used your word order to rhyme "chevy" with "heavy," that rhyme now seems forced to me.

The word "of" before "gunpowder! could go.

Good stuff. David.
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Re: Boom! Boom!

Postby Namyh » Fri Dec 15, 2017 8:10 pm

David - Hope this helped to inject a happy Boom! Boom! Into your day. When I think back, it was old. It was indeed a pickup and the Sun had baked a half eaten moonpie onto the hood. So when I used that vision and then wrote this war piece, I wrote it as I saw it as when I heard speech and did the same or even tasted early morning gunpowder from late night fighting. Glad it was good stuff for you David and thanks for spendin' a spell. Hope it helps when needed. Namyh.
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Re: Boom! Boom!

Postby Charles » Sat Dec 30, 2017 10:52 am

I liked this a lot.

The onomatopoeia throughout was impressive and humorous, as well as the rhyme scheme. The whole thing hangs together really well.
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Re: Boom! Boom!

Postby Namyh » Sun Jan 07, 2018 10:10 am

Charles - So very happy you found this impressive with humor. Makes this poet's day...absolutely! Thanks Charles. Namyh
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