There must be a hundred

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Antcliff
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There must be a hundred

Post by Antcliff » Fri Jul 17, 2015 4:32 pm

I can't mow down orchids,
[tab][/tab]replace them with hacked,
brown grass asking "Why?".
[tab][/tab]So they grow, numerous,
lolling in the green, hanging

with Shaggy Jack, whistling
[tab][/tab]at the Lady's Slipper, high
fiving with the Buttercups,
[tab][/tab]regalia from every angle,
soft petals defeating metal.
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur

Macavity
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Re: There must be a hundred

Post by Macavity » Fri Jul 17, 2015 6:23 pm

Great. Love it. And totally agree...shame to 'hack' those pretty heads off for a clean lawn! March on those petals, down with the metals :)

all the best

mac

ps do you require a full-stop after a question mark?

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Re: There must be a hundred

Post by Arian » Fri Jul 17, 2015 6:46 pm

Yes, nice. Easy to read and enjoy.

Can't help thinking that defying works better than defeating.

Cheers
peter

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JJWilliamson
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Re: There must be a hundred

Post by JJWilliamson » Fri Jul 17, 2015 7:35 pm

This is right up my street again, Seth. I've just completely reseeded my back garden and I'm praying for rain.
If the skies reject my request, the watering can will see some action tomorrow. Di will be charmed.
Antcliff wrote:I can't mow down orchids,
[tab][/tab]replace them with hacked,
brown grass asking "Why?". ...Are they wild orchids? I wouldn't mow them down either. Definitely an effective hook.
[tab][/tab]So they grow, numerous,
lolling in the green, hanging

with Shaggy Jack, whistling
[tab][/tab]at the Lady's Slipper, high
fiving with the Buttercups,
[tab][/tab]regalia from every angle,
soft petals defeating metal. ...yes, 'defying' would be better.
Enjoyed,

Best

JJ
Long time a child and still a child

David Smedley
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Re: There must be a hundred

Post by David Smedley » Fri Jul 17, 2015 10:35 pm

I can't mow down orchids,
replace them with hacked,
brown grass asking "Why?".
So they grow, numerous,
lolling in the green, hanging

with Shaggy Jack, whistling
at the Lady's Slipper, high
fiving with the Buttercups,
regalia from every angle,
soft petals defeating metal.
A few thoughts A. What is the "green" they are "hanging in?" I can only surmise the "grass" which is supposed to be "brown."

"Lolling" could be a tad overused in this context.

"Soft" to modify petals is not needed (for me) the sonics of the line come across more too without it.

Enjoyed the read .

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Re: There must be a hundred

Post by ray miller » Sun Jul 19, 2015 6:05 pm

Enjoyed. Just a thought, hundreds/orchids is a nice sort of rhyme. Perhaps title and 1st line might swap

I can't mow down orchids

there must be hundreds,
and replace....
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.

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Re: There must be a hundred

Post by David » Sun Jul 19, 2015 6:24 pm

Yes, enjoyed. And defeating is better than defying. They can still be mown down, albeit defiantly. In this case they are actually defeating the metal. No? And - in case that argument doesn't stand - it sounds better too.
Macavity wrote:ps do you require a full-stop after a question mark?
I have often wondered that.

Cheers

David

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Re: There must be a hundred

Post by brianedwards » Mon Jul 20, 2015 1:42 am

David wrote:And defeating is better than defying.
Agree 100%.
Macavity wrote:ps do you require a full-stop after a question mark?
Not required. I believe the consensus is "acceptable but unwieldy".
Punctuation is often ugly.

B.

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JJWilliamson
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Re: There must be a hundred

Post by JJWilliamson » Mon Jul 20, 2015 8:08 am

David wrote:Yes, enjoyed. And defeating is better than defying. They can still be mown down, albeit defiantly. In this case they are actually defeating the metal. No? And - in case that argument doesn't stand - it sounds better too.
Good points, David

Are they actually defeating the metal? If they remain unscathed, I'd say yes. It could be the case that the petals in question are too soft for the mower to damage. If, on the other hand, they survive twisted and bruised or lopped off at the base, I'd be more inclined to use defying. In both scenarios they live to fight another day as the roots probably react to the onslaught; perhaps the plants reseed themselves (I'd have to check).

(A bit like Rocky) "He just kept coming". Creed won the fight, but Rocky survived, defiantly, to fight another day.

I wouldn't say I was 100% about this one though.

As always, the poet will have the last word. :)

J
Long time a child and still a child

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Re: There must be a hundred

Post by cynwulf » Mon Jul 20, 2015 2:44 pm

Yes, right up my street too, wish our local council felt like this, green deserts now along the lanes.. Do you really have Lady's Slipper?
Regards, C.

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Re: There must be a hundred

Post by Arian » Mon Jul 20, 2015 6:54 pm

A fair point from David, but I'd say that, even if the flowers survive on the first pass of the mower, the ultimate winner will be the machine. So they're defying not defeating.
On the other hand, the spirit of the flower, it's sense of life, will survive beyond its earthly decapitation. It will outlast the mower. So perhaps it's defeating not defying.

For me, defying sounds better.

Ultimately, of course, ...
JJWilliamson wrote:As always, the poet will have the last word.
J
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peter

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Re: There must be a hundred

Post by peter » Mon Jul 20, 2015 7:58 pm

I enjoyed this. Interesting theme, with fun links to other plants, leading to a memorable conclusion. Nothing to change to my mind, although I initially found the line breaks jarring, and needed a few reads until I got the right pace.

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Re: There must be a hundred

Post by Antcliff » Thu Jul 23, 2015 6:25 pm

Thanks, Peter (2)
I initially found the line breaks jarring
Yeh, might be right about that.

Thanks, Peter (1)

Thanks for the "defying" suggestion. It is tempting. The thrust of it was that the orchids defeat the metal, as David says, though it could be argued that your "defying" itself implies an element of success..as in" defying gravity". Hmm. "Defying" also rather suggests the stance of "defiance" and they seem more relaxed than that. ha. :D Still pondering.
As always, the poet will have the last word.
Might ask my favourite gardener at the weekend. See what she says.

Thanks, C
Do you really have Lady's Slipper?
Not that fancy orchid, no. Very rare? Bird's Foot Trefoil gets called by the name. I was thinking of that..http://www.irelandswildlife.com/birds-f ... niculatus/

Thanks Mac, David, Brian, full stop will go.


Thanks Ray
Just a thought, hundreds/orchids is a nice sort of rhyme. Perhaps title and 1st line might swap
Very tempting. Like that suggestion. Hmm.

Thanks David (2)

Quite right, yes, "soft" could go.

The grass is not supposed to be brown..it is green. It would go brown if it was cut and the flowers were not defeating the metal.


Thanks JJ

Good luck with the reseeding.
...Are they wild orchids? I wouldn't mow them down either.
Yes, marsh orchids. We get three kinds of marsh/heath orchid...purple, pink and (less common) white. It has been a very good year for them. We had about 500 in the garden, although I can't pretend that is typical. I let them grow last year and it is perhaps a consequence.


Thanks, again, all.
Seth
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur

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Re: There must be a hundred

Post by Namyh » Sun Aug 09, 2015 3:15 am

Antcliff - I saw the visuals. Thanks for the vision. Namyh

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Re: There must be a hundred

Post by alsayn » Tue Aug 11, 2015 6:07 am

Fantastic poem, Antcliff! I really like it!

Just my two cents: I'm definitely in the "defying" over "defeating" club, and I think you could probably ditch the "soft" in front of petals. The contrast of just petals and metal is apparent enough. The only other thing is maybe some repetition might put some more emphasis on the rebellion/defiance. Just a thought!
Antcliff wrote:I can't mow down orchids,
[tab][/tab]can't replace them with hacked,
brown grass asking "Why?".

Antcliff
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Re: There must be a hundred

Post by Antcliff » Wed Aug 12, 2015 5:29 pm

Thanks very much, Namyh

Thank very much, Alsayn. Yes, "soft" to go. Thanks for your kind suggestions. Pondering.
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur

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