Ride of a Lifetime

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dafra
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Ride of a Lifetime

Post by dafra » Sun Aug 31, 2014 2:51 pm

Ride of a Lifetime

At twenty past that fatal hour
The lovers, hand on hand, were mute.
Unconscious in the vacuumed air
At over thirty thousand feet.
So sitting side by side in space
Began their ride to ground's embrace.

dafra

Macavity
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Re: Ride of a Lifetime

Post by Macavity » Mon Sep 01, 2014 8:28 pm

Note sure where you are going with this defra - if you are unconscious how do you know/experience the 'ride of a lifetime' ?

Perhaps I'm being slow on this one :)

mac

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Re: Ride of a Lifetime

Post by Antcliff » Mon Sep 01, 2014 8:37 pm

Especially enjoyed the sound aspect of this, Dafra. Especially the last dark line. Nice use of the "r"s there! :D And of course the five "s" (plus similar "c") fourth line. I look forward to reading more since it seems likely that you have an interest in the sound aspect of poetry.

Seth
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur

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dafra
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Re: Ride of a Lifetime

Post by dafra » Tue Sep 02, 2014 6:31 am

Hi mac

My title was ironic. The life time was about 45 seconds (according to Newton and ignoring friction).
Blessedly the young couple would have been almost instantly unconscious as their ride commenced.
Just my take on MH17.

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Re: Ride of a Lifetime

Post by dafra » Tue Sep 02, 2014 6:33 am

Thanks Seth, I sometimes go overboard with alliteration.
dafra

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Re: Ride of a Lifetime

Post by KevJ » Fri Sep 05, 2014 6:06 pm

This sent a chill through me. It's the thought of plummeting earthward from 30,000 ft I think. I can visualise myself in this predicament all too easily. I'm not a good flyer :roll:

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Re: Ride of a Lifetime

Post by cynwulf » Sun Sep 07, 2014 10:53 am

'Morning Dafra,
I go along with Seth on this one. The alliteration works well, the succession of sibilants adds to the idea of whistling through the attenuated air. Vacuum'd jarred with me though, it gave me the thought of the air being hoovered rather than deadly thin. Agood piece, liked the metre and the rhyming.
Regards, C.

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Re: Ride of a Lifetime

Post by dafra » Sun Sep 07, 2014 5:34 pm

Hi cynwulf

I'm sorry vacuumed jarred for you but it was the right word. I was thinking of the cabin pressure being instantly sucked (or Hoovered if you wish) out of the fractured cabin. I actually had the image of a Wilson cloud chamber in mind. It also has the advantage of a slight alliteration with the c of unconscious. Thinning is rtoo soft sounding and I don't think works as well.
Anyway thank you for reading and acknowledging the rushing wind sounds.

d

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