Victims Cherita

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arunansu
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Victims Cherita

Post by arunansu » Sat Jan 23, 2010 4:38 am

wind grabs banyan leaves

juggles then tosses them
along the pavement

a curious pup
scurries after
the new playthings
Last edited by arunansu on Wed Jan 27, 2010 4:04 am, edited 2 times in total.

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anniecat
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Re: Victims Cherita

Post by anniecat » Sat Jan 23, 2010 4:48 am

I do not know what banyan leaves are but what a fun vision and i like the juggling...nice AC
It always happens when you least expect it. AC

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Re: Victims Cherita

Post by arunansu » Sat Jan 23, 2010 4:59 am

Here's the link for banyan leaves:

http://www.nepalvista.com/features/natu ... l-leaf.jpg

Thanks for being here, Anniecat. Smiles.

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Re: Victims Cherita

Post by firefly » Sun Jan 24, 2010 1:25 am

Hello arunansu, once again you have painted a lovely scene with your words. You have captured a moment beautifully and conveyed it to the reader really well.

(I like the 'juggles with them' line too!)

The simple language you've used works well for me. Why complicate a simple scene with 'heavy' words.

I like this poem very much. :)

firefly

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Re: Victims Cherita

Post by arunansu » Sun Jan 24, 2010 8:27 am

Thanks Firefly for your reply and time. Smiles.

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Re: Victims Cherita

Post by David » Sun Jan 24, 2010 10:09 am

Hi aru,

I don't know much about cheritas. It seems to be a 1-2-3 line rule, but are there any rules about line lengths?

And what poetic tradition do they come out of? It's obviously a form that appeals to you.

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Re: Victims Cherita

Post by arunansu » Sun Jan 24, 2010 10:23 am

Thanks David,

Re Cherita :

Cherita is the Malay word for story or tale. A Cherita consists of a single stanza of a one-line verse, followed by a two-line verse, and then finishing with a three-line verse. It can either be written solo or with up to three partners. Cherita are usually untitled and cherita sequences titled.

For further information, please read Larry Kimmel’s article, Flexible Forms: a personal speculation, and cherita posted on the website titled Cherita.

As Larry Kimmel emphasizes in his article, Flexible Forms: a personal speculation, the cherita is a flexible, narrative short verse form derived from the haiku and tanka traditions. These are no required rules regarding syllable count for each line, whether to use Kigo, etc.

However, based on published cherita and consensus among its practitioners, a well-crafted cherita is inclined to be:

1 narrative-focused
2 imagistic
3 suggestive

And the first stanza sets the scene (or background), the second develops the theme, and the third completes the theme (note: the conclusion is not directed by the author, but reliant on the suggestive power of the juxtaposed/contrasting images in the poem).

As per length of lines, its perhaps better to keep it within 7. Thats a general rule. Smiles.

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Re: Victims Cherita

Post by David » Sun Jan 24, 2010 10:24 am

Ta, aru. That's my homework sorted out!

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Suzanne
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Re: Victims Cherita

Post by Suzanne » Sun Jan 24, 2010 5:41 pm

Aru,

Thanks for the details of the form. You have done a good job of following it on this poem.
I think we should all get independent study credits for how much you teach us.

I thought the pup was a great twist to the image. It was playful in the chaotic scene. Nice.

Suzanne

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Re: Victims Cherita

Post by anniecat » Sun Jan 24, 2010 5:56 pm

Thanks for the details of the form. You have done a good job of following it on this poem.
I think we should all get independent study credits for how much you teach us.



So right Suzanne...Arun is a great teacher.
It always happens when you least expect it. AC

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Re: Victims Cherita

Post by arunansu » Mon Jan 25, 2010 2:30 pm

Oh, Suzanne and Anniecat, thanks to you people for the "great teacher". Not many thinks the same. Lol.

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Re: Victims Cherita

Post by Elphin » Mon Jan 25, 2010 4:50 pm

Arun

I took like this, in particular the juxtaposition of the disaster and the playfulness. If I have one comment about many of these forms - cherita, tanka etc - it is that they seem to dispense with articles, pronouns or prepositions. Do you think this is to do with differences of syntax in the languages in which they were originated? I think in this one too, two thems in such a short piece is problematic. Does this work for s2

juggles then tosses them
along the pavement

I think the two verbs in l1 also adds to the sense of movement.

Can you say the banyan leaves?

best,

elph

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Re: Victims Cherita

Post by Arian » Mon Jan 25, 2010 7:35 pm

Hi aru

like David, I needed to be educated on the form, so I read your notes. Interesting, thanks. And it seems that your piece fits the theoretical bill very well - certainly in terms of points (1) and (2). I think I had to persuade myself a bit of its suggestive qualities.

Putting the demands of the form aside, and just reading it as a sequence of words, I like it. It has a balanced rhythm and good sonics, though I do agree with elph that two thems jar a little, especially so close to each other.

Still, a pleasant piece.
All the best
peter

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Re: Victims Cherita

Post by David » Mon Jan 25, 2010 7:38 pm

Elphin wrote:If I have one comment about many of these forms - cherita, tanka etc - it is that they seem to dispense with pronouns or prepositions. Do you think this is to do with differences of syntax in the languages in which they were originated?
It's the absence of articles in the opening section that exercises me somewhat, but perhaps I am too easily exercised. It does read strangely as a result.

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Re: Victims Cherita

Post by arunansu » Wed Jan 27, 2010 4:10 am

Thanks Arian for your reply.

Dear Elphin,
Thank you so much for the help. As regards your question, I can say you have asked the wrong person! Smiles. I personally feel Tanka, Cherita etc. they are still evolving. English Tanka are a lot different from the Japanese ones. There's no strict syllable order as 5-7-5-7-7, as it can be presented in a more compact form, but in doing so, one generally dispenses with articles and pronouns. That said, there is no bar on using them. It is how it reads. One has to read them over and over again. Also, Tanka originally was supposed to be songs! Lyrical. Unlike Haiku, which is "masculine", Senryu (and Tanka) are more "feminine" in nature.

Thanks.

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