The Ghost Train (re-edited)

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peterkiggin
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The Ghost Train (re-edited)

Post by peterkiggin » Sun Jun 07, 2009 9:35 am

THE GHOST TRAIN

On the train that rides alone
along this track of skin and bone,
find locations to us unknown -
the Ghost Train comes.


Sitting, staring, watching paths
of lives unfolding,
to me just laughs -
the Ghost Train comes.


Darker now the tunnels come,
feelings gone and nothing done.
I look for signs of where I've been;
but cannot see cause eyes are dim -
the Ghost Train comes.


I'm on this train for life I think
but Ghost Trains aren't real just minds out of sync.
I look outside, the door is open,
my brain all rattled, slow and broken.


I step off now the train has gone.
I reflect inside of what I've done.
For nine years I rode that train,
I lost true love and half my brain.


And what I've learnt is one damn thing -
don't live your life to love one thing.
For me, a little lives inside.
Still taking people for a ride


So when you decide to take a train,
take the track that is true and sane.
Please don't live a life in vein -
The Ghost Train.


This is the age of the train.


DEDICATED TO MY MOTHER AND FATHER.

Sharra
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Re: THE GHOST TRAIN (RE EDITED)

Post by Sharra » Sun Jun 07, 2009 9:54 am

Hi Peter
This is a great improvement over the first version, much easier to read and to take in the images.
I think my favourite line is
I look outside, the door is open,
my brain all rattled, slow and broken.
I really liked the half rhyme between open and broken.

On a side note its 'vain' not 'vein'.
Sharra
x
It is at the edge of the
petal that love waits

peterkiggin
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Re: The Ghost Train (re-edited)

Post by peterkiggin » Sun Jun 07, 2009 1:58 pm

Sharra believe me the spelling is correct it's just you didn't see the reason why.

Mic
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Re: The Ghost Train (re-edited)

Post by Mic » Sun Jun 07, 2009 2:23 pm

Peter,

Is this poem a metaphor for lives ruined by heroin addiction?

Best

Mic
"Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you" - Rumi

Sharra
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Re: The Ghost Train (re-edited)

Post by Sharra » Sun Jun 07, 2009 4:36 pm

ahh if that's it then apologies I obviously missed the point.
Sharra
x
It is at the edge of the
petal that love waits

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