Play-Worker

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
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bjondon
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Play-Worker

Post by bjondon » Tue Feb 04, 2020 5:04 pm

Are you a pop star?
said the sixers
A boy or a girl?
piped the elevens
Bit of a prat
but that was that
And this, now
is the titfer tat
Yeah, if you wanna get a head
get a bloody hat
And that, this
and an ocean full of lukewarm piss
(do I mean bliss?)
is that
Last edited by bjondon on Thu Feb 13, 2020 9:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Poet
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Re: Play Worker

Post by Poet » Thu Feb 06, 2020 8:20 pm

What is this poem about?

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Perry
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Re: Play Worker

Post by Perry » Thu Feb 06, 2020 9:15 pm

I love the sound of the language but haven't yet figured out what you are saying. I'll keep working at it.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.

bjondon
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Re: Play-Worker

Post by bjondon » Fri Feb 14, 2020 2:21 pm

Thanks for the feedback Poet and Perry.
This wasn't intentionally obscure, so it's useful to know it doesn't make much sense to you.
The music or 'play' is more than half of it, so I'm pleased you responded to that Perry.
A 'playworker' is an assistant/organiser at a summer camp or youth club. It's a job that students often do, though the term can also apply to trained professionals.
'prat' is British for 'dork' or 'fool'.

Jules

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Re: Play-Worker

Post by NotQuiteSure » Sun Feb 16, 2020 1:47 pm

.
Hi Jules,
enjoyed this, but it rather falls at the final hurdle (the last four lines).
The turn works, but then it seems a bit incoherent. What happens to
all that threateningly long hair (and youthful androgyny)?

Couple of thoughts ...

Are you a pop star?
the sixers wondered

A boy or a girl?
the elevens piped

Bit of a prat
general consensus

but that was that
And now, this

is the titfer tat
Yeah,

if you wanna get a head
get yourself hat

wanna a proper job
get a bloody haircut




Regards, Not


.

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