Search found 258 matches

by Charles
Mon Apr 04, 2016 9:28 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Time had not decided
Replies: 4
Views: 463

Re: Time had not decided

I liked this. The thought is a good one and conveyed clearly, and the rhyme work pretty well. One thing: the story is a bit muddled, you have N., his friend, his (now) girlfriend/wife and her friend. The latter three are in the picture. In my opinion, try changing it so N. is a long lost friend, bei...
by Charles
Mon Apr 04, 2016 9:13 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Remorse
Replies: 4
Views: 517

Re: Remorse

The clue is in the title? N. is the assailant, or a future (past) version of him. Forced to always remember and regret his own crime. Thanks for the input though, maybe I should put something about memory in there to bring out the meaning. "Hermetic room of memory" has a nice ring to it. Maybe I'll ...
by Charles
Mon Apr 04, 2016 7:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Remorse
Replies: 4
Views: 517

Remorse

Helpless, I see the woman being beaten Behind inches of ice, the scene unfolds. I lament as I see her assailant turn Revealing our fate, a me I know too well Sealed with her in that hermetic room. She turns her head and cries for it to stop The ice only thickens as she screams. Years pass like glaci...
by Charles
Mon Apr 04, 2016 6:00 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Swamp Oak
Replies: 10
Views: 919

Re: Swamp Oak

Hi,

Loved this. Really did. Thoroughly enjoyed.

I don't have anything to criticise really. Good job.
by Charles
Mon Apr 04, 2016 5:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The warmth of fatherhood
Replies: 5
Views: 589

Re: The warmth of fatherhood

Really liked this, but I'm also struggling to unpack its meaning. Loss? Of a father for his son, or a son for his father?

However, equally I'm enjoying trying to unpack its meaning, so that's no complaint.

Maybe tweak the title? I've got a feeling this poem might work better untitled.
by Charles
Mon Apr 04, 2016 5:41 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: -
Replies: 2
Views: 1456

Re: -

I'm disappointed there are no lines! I actually did my Master's thesis on T.S. Eliot. My textual analysis was largely restricted to his earlier stuff though, in particular "Gerontion". Would love to, at some point, expand it into a Doctoral Thesis. Burnt Norton is a classic. I see a deep theological...
by Charles
Sat Apr 02, 2016 9:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Terrorism
Replies: 6
Views: 767

Re: Terrorism

Thanks for all the input on this. Firebird: I agree I think that is a problem with the piece, perhaps making the point too extreme. the Narrator does seem rather too cold not to be affected by the media portrayal at all. JJWilliamson: Again agree. Although it may not seem that way in the poem (a wea...
by Charles
Wed Mar 30, 2016 1:20 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Space Between
Replies: 6
Views: 728

Re: The Space Between

Hi,

I liked the feel of this. Some strong ideas, I'm not sure they 100% come together for me in the end, but maybe that ambiguity is part of the point.

"...A story never to be read
by human eyes
for our demise
will mark The End."

Is the ellipsis really necessary here?
by Charles
Wed Mar 30, 2016 12:06 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Terrorism
Replies: 6
Views: 767

Terrorism

It is not the violence that outrages, Bodies burnt, limbs slashed, severed - Footage viewers may find distressing. It is not the blood that sickens, Oozing out across the ground - Made ichor by a thousand streaming services. It is not the mourning that affects, Motherhoods wretchedly unwoven - Shatt...
by Charles
Fri Dec 11, 2015 8:13 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Coastal Waters
Replies: 14
Views: 1438

Re: Coastal Waters

I really liked this.

I got the shipping forecast reference, it did take me longer than it should have to work out what was being said in the "fraying" section, but it was worth it when I got it.

Ends on a really nice image too.
by Charles
Fri Dec 11, 2015 8:09 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Noose
Replies: 6
Views: 910

Re: Noose

Thanks for all the input. :) Yes I was going for some semblance of "hanging in the balance" with the shape of the poem. Hence the superfluous wording. Was trying to go for an eerie symbiosis between the noose and the suicidal man as the central image. "So adrift"/"So weighed" could refer to the rope...
by Charles
Tue Dec 08, 2015 1:59 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Zeitgeist and Islam
Replies: 8
Views: 1200

Re: The Zeitgeist and Islam

Hmm, yeah it's a bit of a puzzle with quite a provocative title isn't it? I think I see what you're trying to say, actually I confess I'm not entirely sure I do... sorry...

I do like the elegance of the first few lines though.
by Charles
Tue Dec 08, 2015 1:50 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Red Sled (revised)
Replies: 21
Views: 1792

Re: First Love (revised)

I really liked this one. "their black ribbons of words blaspheme the stillness like crows in snow." This stanza didn't quite do it for me. I think it's possibly because crows in snow is an image, whereas the stanza is really about sound. Crows in snow can be still, if you see what I mean. Loved the ...
by Charles
Tue Dec 08, 2015 1:41 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Noose
Replies: 6
Views: 910

Noose

Noose

Hang about my neck
So adrift
In life
Yet
In death
So weighed
We loosen mourning
by Charles
Tue Dec 09, 2014 2:05 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: he doesn't sleep (ver. 2)
Replies: 10
Views: 1083

Re: he doesn't sleep (ver. 2)

Really enjoyed this one, don't have much to add in terms of criticism.

I especially enjoyed the 2nd stanza, simple, like the object of the poem. And "should some spirit of wrong/attempt to infect our peace" - brilliant lines.
by Charles
Tue Dec 09, 2014 1:13 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Haiku Train
Replies: 7565
Views: 943327

Re: Haiku Train

If you're in Scotland
Yet he walks under snowmen -
Abominable.
by Charles
Tue Dec 09, 2014 1:05 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Flea Trainer
Replies: 5
Views: 624

Re: The Flea Trainer

Hi Namyah, Just to say I enjoyed this poem. I like how you've tried hard with the iambics and rhyme, which I think really lends itself to the story you're telling. If I must crit. I would say that it does come off as a little laborious to adhere to it so rigidly, doesn't "sitting on tiny swings that...
by Charles
Sat Aug 15, 2009 3:25 am
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: A Poet's Guide to Britain
Replies: 15
Views: 2722

Re: A Poet's Guide to Britain

cameron wrote:Last night's George Mackay Brown was very good, I thought. Must have a look at Hamnavoe sometime.

PS - just found it here:

http://www.poetryarchive.org/poetryarch ... oemId=1540
I agree, need to obtain more of his work somehow.
by Charles
Sat Aug 15, 2009 3:19 am
Forum: Music and Song Lyric Discussion
Topic: Richie Edwards - She is Suffering
Replies: 2
Views: 552

Re: Richie Edwards - She is Suffering

Yeah, interesting that "This is Yesterday" is actually one of the few tracks on the album that was written by NIckey Wire, the other being "ifwhiteamericatoldthetruthforonedayitsworldwouldfallapart". I prefer his lyrics to Edward's, and as the Manics matured, I really do think Wire produced some bea...
by Charles
Sat Aug 15, 2009 3:10 am
Forum: Music and Song Lyric Discussion
Topic: The Veils - "Begin Again"
Replies: 11
Views: 1000

Re: The Veils - "Begin Again"

Thanks for introducing me to this band, not only do I really like their sound, but my, increasingly estranged, sister happens to be called Lavina. Just sent her the track on facebook. Nice one, mate. :D

by Charles
Wed Aug 12, 2009 7:47 pm
Forum: Post Some Prose
Topic: Vile Bodies
Replies: 1
Views: 1104

Vile Bodies

Something I reworked from Evelyn Waugh's vile bodies. I think it could work very well as a short dramaitc monologue, and obviously know exactly how to act it in my head, but could use some input... also I know I've probably stolen some bits from Stephen Fry's Bright young things. But it's a reworkin...
by Charles
Tue Aug 11, 2009 11:11 am
Forum: Music and Song Lyric Discussion
Topic: Richie Edwards - She is Suffering
Replies: 2
Views: 552

Richie Edwards - She is Suffering

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnHR8uDZMto Also, from the new Manics album, with reworked Richie Edwards lyrics: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5jcqIMuIc4 I am a huge Manics fan, though I am very glad they continused after Richie Edwards death... seems to me Nicky Wire's lyrics have much more matu...
by Charles
Tue Aug 11, 2009 10:58 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: On a Finger
Replies: 4
Views: 672

Re: On a Finger

Cheers for your input. I think this poem is rather too dense - obviously the meaning is crystal clear in my head, but it is rather unaccessable. If there isn't enough in there at first glance to make a reader think "hey cool", it doesn't matter how much deeper meaning there is because the reader is ...
by Charles
Mon Aug 10, 2009 9:03 am
Forum: Music and Song Lyric Discussion
Topic: June Tabor - The Cloud Factory
Replies: 4
Views: 11420

Re: June Tabor - The Cloud Factory

I like. Which is definitly a result considering this is the type of music I almost never listen to. You may have opened doors for me.
by Charles
Mon Aug 10, 2009 7:45 am
Forum: Prose/Fiction Discussion
Topic: Graham Greene
Replies: 10
Views: 4834

Re: Graham Greene

Ah yes, the destructors, the most searched for Graham Greene story on google by virtue of Donnie Darko. :lol: A great little story though. I love how so many of his works make great films, "The Fallen Idol" is a great film, though falls short of the brilliance of the original short story "The Baseme...