Search found 258 matches

by Charles
Wed Jan 10, 2018 11:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Hunter in the Wood
Replies: 9
Views: 1870

Re: The Hunter in the Wood

I enjoyed reading this for what it is. It's flawed and some of the critiques are valid, but I found it easy to follow and it bounced along well. My main grip is how on earth can it be a "silent" wood if there are injured birds and guns going off all over the place. :lol: I'd also cut the following v...
by Charles
Wed Jan 10, 2018 11:20 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Ritual - Revision III (Syllabic Verse)
Replies: 15
Views: 2023

Re: Ritual

Liked this a lot Luce. I feel a lot of empathy for both parties in an unhappy marriage "staying together" for the kids. Flowed well. Some beautiful imagery. My only critique is the last line. Didn't quite work for me. I think, and I may be overstretching here being an amateur when it comes to this, ...
by Charles
Tue Jan 02, 2018 3:07 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Epitaph on a Femicide
Replies: 3
Views: 765

Re: Epitaph on a Femicide

Interesting comment about the first/second/third person.some of the early drafts were 3rd person but I felt the poem had a greater visceral impact - particularly in the last line - in 1st person. Please, take it as a given in all my poems that N. Is a fictional character. I rarely write poems where ...
by Charles
Tue Jan 02, 2018 12:53 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: P's and Q's
Replies: 6
Views: 1047

Re: P's and Q's

Hi ft, I liked: Drawn to the mystery of arts great pool to seek surface reflection that was him, polluted it with teardrops from a fool who found its crystal depths too dark to swim. The revision: Drawn to the mystery of arts great pool to seek surface reflection seen but dim, polluted it with bile ...
by Charles
Tue Jan 02, 2018 12:27 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Epitaph on a Femicide
Replies: 3
Views: 765

Epitaph on a Femicide

Not sure if this belong in poetry exercises or here, but I found it quite interesting and fun to take an existing classic poem "Epitaph on a Tyrant", and keep the rhyme scheme and meter relatively intact while changing a little of the content to create a new work. Original below as well so you don'...
by Charles
Sat Dec 30, 2017 11:48 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Finding People Near You (revision)
Replies: 5
Views: 853

Re: Finding People Near You

Revision up!
by Charles
Sat Dec 30, 2017 10:52 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Boom! Boom!
Replies: 4
Views: 865

Re: Boom! Boom!

I liked this a lot.

The onomatopoeia throughout was impressive and humorous, as well as the rhyme scheme. The whole thing hangs together really well.
by Charles
Sat Dec 30, 2017 10:48 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Paying for the National Trust (revision5)
Replies: 36
Views: 3609

Re: Paying for the National Trust (revision5)

Hi, Late to the party but enjoyed this one. I liked the rhyme scheme and the alliteration throughout - helped it skip along at a good pace and it way a joy to read. IMHO the ending is slightly weaker than the rest - I'd kind of prefer it to end on the "Diary of a Country Parson" line, as in earlier ...
by Charles
Sat Dec 30, 2017 10:29 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A Time to Remember
Replies: 13
Views: 1673

Re: A Time to Remember

Really liked this one. Rhyme scheme is tight and works well and I for one appreciated the religious overtones - which I think really work because they are understated. Makes me think of the famous T.S. Eliot Christmas poems, "The Cultivation of Christmas Trees" and "Journey of the Magi", although th...
by Charles
Sat Dec 30, 2017 5:54 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Finding People Near You (revision)
Replies: 5
Views: 853

Re: Finding People Near You

Luce, Thanks for the input, I'll post a revision soon. Yes you are in the correct ballpark - There's an allusion in the title and final line that may have gone over some people's heads "Finding people near you" is actually the line on the loading screen of the Tinder app. For those unfamiliar with t...
by Charles
Fri Dec 29, 2017 3:07 am
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Tips Thread
Replies: 15
Views: 6960

Re: Tips Thread

Perhaps more about reading verse than writing it (though of course they feed into each other), but if you are a relative newbie at metered verse - I just found this site which I find interesting, entertaining and useful: http://prosody.lib.virginia.edu/
by Charles
Fri Dec 29, 2017 2:10 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Finding People Near You (revision)
Replies: 5
Views: 853

Finding People Near You (revision)

Finding People Near You (Revision 1) Is it right I swipe? Personality unfolds as a banterous lad or pious bookworm depending on taste. It is agony to be left. So I kindle the feeling yes, of lust - but still more of being interesting - an essential part. The bored I entertain or I vanish into the s...
by Charles
Mon Dec 04, 2017 10:25 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Being Mum
Replies: 9
Views: 1451

Re: Being Mum

Really enjoyed this.

As others have said it's a real achievement to write a formal sonnet without it being contrived and it actually being enjoyable.

Good reversal on the ending.
by Charles
Mon Dec 04, 2017 10:20 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Future England
Replies: 14
Views: 1769

Re: Future England

Heya,

Like ray I found the second part easier to follow. Though the imagery of the first part I still found pleasing and came together for me with the second part.

The final image of the forest I particularly enjoyed.

Civil strife, statues being smashed - this is agitant material isn't it? :wink:
by Charles
Mon Dec 04, 2017 10:08 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Risk Assessment (revision)
Replies: 13
Views: 1914

Re: Risk Assessment (revision)

Hey folks. Thanks everyone for their insight and comments. It's what I come here for and I appreciate the effort everyone has put in. JJ, thanks you. Luce - thanks for another detailed crit. Good suggestions all - I've taken on board some where the "restitching" of the poem would not be too arduous....
by Charles
Tue Oct 10, 2017 6:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Risk Assessment (revision)
Replies: 13
Views: 1914

Re: Risk Assessment (revision)

Many thanks for the detailed response Not. Much appreciated. I'll post another revision soon. I'll definitely get rid of the capitals, not even sure why I did that! As for the religious elements, they were not intended to confuse. I think sociological case can be made for psychology and psychiatry, ...
by Charles
Mon Oct 09, 2017 9:49 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Risk Assessment (revision)
Replies: 13
Views: 1914

Re: Risk Assessment

See original post for the revision. :)
by Charles
Mon Oct 09, 2017 8:33 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Risk Assessment (revision)
Replies: 13
Views: 1914

Re: Risk Assessment

Thanks everyone for your input. Yes, I agree this poem is has good subject that could use some more work. Pauline, yes - I will try and do that. Thank you for rewriting it, though some of the meaning is lost, it gives me a greater understanding of where I can go with it. NotQuiteSure - again, good i...
by Charles
Mon Oct 09, 2017 1:26 am
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Moral Compass
Replies: 6
Views: 7170

Re: Moral Compass

Interesting interview. Especially how the interviewer is, from where I was sitting, posing the question "do you feel bad for a work that perpetuates stereotypes of the mentally ill as inherently violent" but then goes along when hitchcock answers a different question altogether, that of his art caus...
by Charles
Sun Oct 08, 2017 7:09 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: You're a man, my son (revised)
Replies: 10
Views: 1630

Re: You're a man, my son (revised)

Enjoyed,

Nice one.
by Charles
Sun Oct 08, 2017 7:07 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Moral Compass
Replies: 6
Views: 7170

Re: Moral Compass

Although it is a pet peeve of mine when people quote Hamlet's "For nothing is either good or bad but thinking makes it so" out of context without realising the speaker was being bitterly ironic. In this context I think it is quite apt. Some of the best poetry is written from the point of view of wic...
by Charles
Sun Oct 08, 2017 6:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Hare revision1
Replies: 10
Views: 1628

Re: Hare revision1

Hi,

I preferred the revision. Mostly because it seemed jumpier with the smaller lines, which I think fits in better with the story where there is a lot of movement.
by Charles
Sun Oct 08, 2017 6:42 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Risk Assessment (revision)
Replies: 13
Views: 1914

Risk Assessment (revision)

Risk Assessment (Final) He’s a ticking time bomb… should I risk cutting a wire? Or control the explosion? I conduct the checklist. in the past week, have you, had any ideas, plans... to harm yourself or others… what prevents you from doing so? His glance knifes me in the gut, guilt or fear, it hardl...
by Charles
Sun Oct 08, 2017 6:34 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Curlew at Sunset
Replies: 8
Views: 1407

Re: Curlew at Sunset

Enjoyed this one. I like the sense of foreboding, and the personification of nature. One or two minor, nit-picky comments as I don't feel capable enough to make broader critiques! "snow! and hail, in May!" Capital A or lose the first exclamation mark? I know you can play fast and loose with punctuat...
by Charles
Wed May 04, 2016 1:33 am
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Simon Armitage
Replies: 2
Views: 2090

Re: Simon Armitage

I didn't know he'd translated Pearl - one of my favourites, will have to check that out.