Search found 258 matches

by Charles
Thu Sep 06, 2018 12:52 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Stroller [a couple words changed]
Replies: 15
Views: 1556

Re: The Stroller

Hi Perry, Really enjoyed it, as has been said - puts one in mind of Robert Frost which is, of course, a great compliment! Clearly great craftsmanship. I think novelty in imagery can be overrated when you are clearly doing so much with form, rhyme and meter. Ironically it's probably the most original...
by Charles
Thu Sep 06, 2018 12:34 am
Forum: Hello, Good Evening and Welcome
Topic: re-emerging
Replies: 8
Views: 2548

Re: re-emerging

Hi Binz, We've already discussed each other's poems in threads - but hello again, it's good to see you here! I too joined in 2006 which is scary, but haven't posted all that much and have also gone very long periods without being active at all. I must take this opportunity to say how gratified I am ...
by Charles
Thu Sep 06, 2018 12:16 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: What no man may store in heaven - Revision
Replies: 10
Views: 2125

Re: What no man may store in heaven - Revision

Many thanks, Binz for the crit. Yes, I am quite fond of the sonics of "double down bad beat" too. :) "spent" for "lent" is a good suggestion. I think "lent" is a hangover from when I was trying to work in an implication that the money was "lent" to him and N has just lost money that isn't his. But t...
by Charles
Thu Sep 06, 2018 12:11 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: On Meeting A God (revised)
Replies: 11
Views: 1557

Re: On Meeting A God (revised)

Hi Binz, Really enjoyed this. Gonna be that really annoying person that swans in late after you've all worked hard on revisions and declares he likes the original best. :) I think the flow is better, the first couple of stanzas set the scene and I appreciate the slow build-up to the reveal of what i...
by Charles
Wed Sep 05, 2018 11:51 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Because the apricots at Alchi Gompa are no substitute
Replies: 10
Views: 1277

Re: Because the apricots at Alchi Gompa are no substitute

Charles, funnily enough this is bang on ‘I suppose it would make sense if the loss is temporary, but maybe I'm getting too ahead of myself/lost in my deciphering.’ The poem was written during a temporary separation. I’ll wait to see what others think of palimpsest. I was pleased with it and even mo...
by Charles
Wed Sep 05, 2018 11:24 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Vespers
Replies: 12
Views: 2134

Re: Vespers

Many thanks, L, for taking the time. Glad you enjoyed it. Yes, losing the comma after come is a good suggestion. Changing "lights" for "lamps" will be an easy fix - I agree its clumsy as it stands. "Night falls" Hmm, but wouldn't that be that most terrible of poetic crimes, the cliche? :lol: - but t...
by Charles
Tue Sep 04, 2018 2:25 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Vespers
Replies: 12
Views: 2134

Vespers

Revision 2 The council lamps turn on as nature's fade. I'm caught in the twilight I have no company Yet my chamber Is not without pleasures. Darkness now. A siren Serenades me With undulating song, Neon flickers waiting for the dawn to come: Fluorescent glimmers. Rats’ feet tap the tiles. I make a n...
by Charles
Mon Sep 03, 2018 8:47 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Because the apricots at Alchi Gompa are no substitute
Replies: 10
Views: 1277

Re: Because the apricots at Alchi Gompa are no substitute

Hi 1lankest, I enjoyed reading this - some very evocative imagery surrounding loss. Gonna be really honest here and say I put "palimpsest" into google. Although an interesting image, for me it's the weakest as even after googling it I'm puzzling over it - "we're yet to write [on]" is that the meanin...
by Charles
Mon Sep 03, 2018 8:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Call Me
Replies: 13
Views: 3092

Re: Call Me

Just to weigh in again on the rhyme. I think part of it that the rhyme is the last two syllables, which makes it far more pronounced. Another factor is the visual - I may be going too far here but I wonder if the way it rests on the screen: that clean green as if they’d just woken. Or I’d call twili...
by Charles
Mon Sep 03, 2018 7:57 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: What no man may store in heaven - Revision
Replies: 10
Views: 2125

Re: What no man may store in heaven - Revision

Many thanks for the enthusiastic crit, Perry - much appreciated and really glad you liked it - just sorry it took me so long to reply! Of course you may store this poem. Yes, I will think harder about punctuation, embarrassing I'm letting the side down on that front - "month's" instead of "months' "...
by Charles
Mon Jul 16, 2018 5:22 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: What no man may store in heaven - Revision
Replies: 10
Views: 2125

Re: What no man may store in heaven

Yes, I think you are right there. I also think the nature of the strict rhyming form I was trying out and the meter lends itself to that moralistic/sanctimonious tone - particularly in S2. Might be worth a rework to make it less so, I am fond of some of the turns of phrase but as you say "Knave" and...
by Charles
Sat Jul 14, 2018 9:59 pm
Forum: Post Some Prose
Topic: Scaffolding
Replies: 1
Views: 1752

Re: Scaffolding

I like this a lot. This was a very enjoyable and satisfying piece. If I were to crit I would say there is a bit of inconsistency in the "book of collected letters" the "following lines exemplify" and then "put the letter back where I found it". The latter implies you'd found a letter in an archive, ...
by Charles
Sat Jul 14, 2018 9:39 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Call Me
Replies: 13
Views: 3092

Re: Call Me

Really enjoyed this one. It conveys a sense of peace yet managed to be dramatic at the same time if that makes sense.


I especially liked " red roofs
wane as if with closed eyes."

Not sure the closing rhyming couplet actually gives a stronger ending. For me it puts things slightly off-balance.
by Charles
Sat Jul 14, 2018 9:22 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Three Short Poems (revision3)
Replies: 14
Views: 2800

Re: Three Short Poems (revision3)

Enjoyed these a lot. Including the "originals".

Whitsun and Gutted I like most in their final (current?) form but I prefer an earlier version of "At low tide", I liked the wall lizard and the lime-green blouse.
by Charles
Sat Jul 14, 2018 9:14 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Shared History (Was: Long Threads)
Replies: 9
Views: 2803

Re: Shared History (Was: Long Threads)

I liked this one a lot, I think overall Ver. 2 is an improvement on Ver. 1. But then there is something to be said for the brevity of Version one. Not sure what "near" adds in "in our near present." in Ver. 2 for instance. Just thoughts.
by Charles
Sat Jul 14, 2018 9:07 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: What no man may store in heaven - Revision
Replies: 10
Views: 2125

Re: What no man may store in heaven

Thanks for that Mac. More of an exercise in rhyming this one, I agree the symmetry is a bit off but I struggled quite a lot with the second verse. I could contract the last two lines to something like: "Knave knows his folly, his ruin ahead: he's driven to borrow, blackmail, steal, glancing his eye ...
by Charles
Sun Jul 01, 2018 6:48 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: What no man may store in heaven - Revision
Replies: 10
Views: 2125

What no man may store in heaven - Revision

Revision 2 What no man may store in heaven - loose change, inscribed ring, three months' rent. I hit number twelve, drawing eleven, that double-down bad beat made a dent. I know my folly, my ruin ahead: I'm driven to borrow, blackmail, steal, glancing my eye from the black to the red, the chances gl...
by Charles
Mon Jan 29, 2018 10:11 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Google's poetry evaluation.
Replies: 0
Views: 1863

Google's poetry evaluation.

http://www.wired.co.uk/article/google-adwords-poetry-open-data-institute-pip-thornton My knee jerk reaction was scorn as I'm so familiar with Adwords and what it's for (I work in Marketing as a dayjob), but the more I think about it the more I find this a fascinating concept - especially as how algo...
by Charles
Thu Jan 25, 2018 11:48 pm
Forum: Prose/Fiction Discussion
Topic: Who's reading what?
Replies: 492
Views: 177347

Re: Who's reading what?

No-one has posted in this thread for a while! I seem to be mostly a non-fiction reader at the moment. Mostly theology/philosophy. Currently working through Karl Barth - The Epistle to the Romans. Fascinating and arresting work. As one commentator (I forget who) puts it, "he really clears away the fu...
by Charles
Thu Jan 25, 2018 10:12 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: The Cult of the Noble Amateur
Replies: 30
Views: 10666

Re: The Cult of the Noble Amateur

Thanks, firebird. Yes perhaps you are right, I've had Clare on the brain, been re-reading his poetry, and am currently looking for a decent biography while working on a poem about him. Watch this space. (Now I've said that I'll have to finish it and put it in the workshop. :lol: ) I adore that poem ...
by Charles
Thu Jan 25, 2018 9:16 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Half a Person
Replies: 8
Views: 1675

Re: Half a Person

Heya Stranger, I like this poem, read it yesterday and came back to it today and it improves with the digesting. Not quite sure what is meant by "Picasso dread" - is this some allusion I'm missing, or just an image that doesn't quite work for me. The whole first verse was a bit oblique for me, it ma...
by Charles
Thu Jan 25, 2018 9:07 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: The Cult of the Noble Amateur
Replies: 30
Views: 10666

Re: The Cult of the Noble Amateur

Thanks for posting ray it was worth the read. But all this stuff about the white privileged elite - I don't think that quite right at all really. I dislike identity politics at the best of times, but after all and by her own admission, Holly McNish is white, highly educated and middle class. It's no...
by Charles
Thu Jan 25, 2018 12:35 am
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: The Cult of the Noble Amateur
Replies: 30
Views: 10666

Re: The Cult of the Noble Amateur

Urgh. Force of fascination lead me to look up McNish's twitter, in particular in circle jerk surrounding her tweet of her response. Wish I hadn't. It's actually maddening and just proves some of the points of the original article. Makes me a lot less sympathetic to McNish as well, if those are the v...
by Charles
Wed Jan 24, 2018 10:26 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: The Cult of the Noble Amateur
Replies: 30
Views: 10666

Re: The Cult of the Noble Amateur

https://holliepoetry.com/2014/11/25/a-poem-about-bums/ :lol: Anyway my two cents. Having read the article and McNish's response - yes she is terrible, but no she isn't out to hoodwink people. People actually do like this stuff, they like the accessibility and no having to think, work out or digest t...
by Charles
Wed Jan 24, 2018 9:49 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: The Cult of the Noble Amateur
Replies: 30
Views: 10666

Re: The Cult of the Noble Amateur

This is interesting. McNish's response to the article:

https://holliepoetry.com/2018/01/21/pn-review/

Warning: it's not a comfortable read.