Search found 659 matches

by bjondon
Sat Nov 09, 2019 12:07 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The bookshop antiquarian removes her glasses (revision5)
Replies: 23
Views: 2418

Re: The bookshop antiquarian removes her glasses (revision5)

Liking R5
The last line feels like an off beat (maybe the intention)
- I'd prefer 'comes her answer.'
I think a clearer nod to Bogart would help . . . even
a title change - Bogie Man?
Just musing really.
Jules
by bjondon
Fri Nov 08, 2019 5:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Extremely Short Poems - trying to evoke emotion
Replies: 6
Views: 736

Re: Extremely Short Poems - trying to evoke emotion

Hi Sid, possibly not as excited as you are, but I do like the purity of the first one. I wonder if there is more potential for single letter/symbol poems . . . the title can really be as long as you want . . . I thought the second one ('i') was going somewhere (i.e. minus the spoken bit) but needed ...
by bjondon
Fri Nov 08, 2019 3:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Postpartum (Version 2)
Replies: 9
Views: 1312

Re: Postpartum (Version 2)

Brilliant news Luke! You have a pretty impressive suite of 'fertility' poems you've posted here. I like the way this launches with your signature brio, even though the N is beyond exhaustion. The revision to 'red brick' was definitely an improvement; likewise I agree the 'celestial' line didn't quit...
by bjondon
Thu Nov 07, 2019 5:39 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Pageantry
Replies: 12
Views: 1503

Re: Pageantry

Hi lotus, definitely one of my favourites . . . noniggles :( The left/right/centre text justification works a treat. (I have never seen that innovation before . . . quite tempted to steal :) ) On my second reading I'm also getting the scrumptious possibility of 'marshmallows' as a verb. Regards, Jules
by bjondon
Thu Nov 07, 2019 5:22 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Apple Tree (v5)
Replies: 25
Views: 2766

Re: The Apple Tree

Hi Not - there's a delicate balance of sonics and symbols here that I think we were all responding to . . . so we tinker at peril (those alt stanzas going backwards). But, you could try an opening like - 'My private elephant, standing on the lawn' or even frame it as - 'When I was a boy, I had an el...
by bjondon
Wed Nov 06, 2019 3:04 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Apple Tree (v5)
Replies: 25
Views: 2766

Re: The Apple Tree

Hi Not - I like the way these memories are held, weighted in the palm of each stanza, neatly wrapped. Just that one little bridge between S2+3 which also works well. They seem considered, distanced - the way the last stanza infuses everything with this apple smell/steam gives a sense of the strength...
by bjondon
Tue Nov 05, 2019 7:22 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: dic (v4)
Replies: 15
Views: 1528

Re: Gets a bit lost in the Welsh

Yes, both those changes would help.
Do you need all four 'They searched' stanzas?
J
by bjondon
Tue Nov 05, 2019 3:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: dic (v4)
Replies: 15
Views: 1528

Re: Gets a bit lost in the Welsh

Hi Not,
glad to see someone else stepping up to throttle the jelly.
A Tory PM and a Remain re-vote . . . that would be a laugh.
I think the swivel to 'dyke' needs a better story.
The queen of geo-lists is of course Germander Speedwell.
Jules
by bjondon
Mon Nov 04, 2019 2:20 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Unwrapping
Replies: 11
Views: 1539

Re: Unwrapping

Hi Ray, yes I am resigned to your underpants now. I thought both the milky flesh and surmised lines were good. But this all might be a bit too cut and dried - it's certainly snappy (though you need a better rhyme in 1/3 if you want the full sonnet (alt title :) )). The confusion about who's wearing ...
by bjondon
Mon Nov 04, 2019 12:53 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: A poem that I read today by Mac
Replies: 130
Views: 20276

Re: A poem that I read today by Mac

Not hugely impressed by that Pugh, but it sent me on a trail that arrived at the sensational 'Carol of the Birds' by Anne Stevenson.
J
by bjondon
Thu Oct 31, 2019 3:37 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Dome of Myrtle - V3 (was Myrtle)
Replies: 5
Views: 834

Dome of Myrtle - V3 (was Myrtle)

The dome of myrtle
is bee-louder than last year
A haystack speaker
alive with self-noise



V2

Dome of myrtle
Bee-louder than ever!

Haystack speaker!
You're alive with self sound



V1

the dome of myrtle
bee-louder than last year
haystack speaker
alive with self sound
by bjondon
Wed Oct 30, 2019 5:57 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The bookshop antiquarian removes her glasses (revision5)
Replies: 23
Views: 2418

Re: The bookshop antiquarian removes her glasses (revision4)

Of all the poetic strategies in all the poetry workshops of the world this one has to be the strangest :) At first I was completely flummoxed, but intrigued . . . scratch Chandler and you get Cartland - could that be the point? … or could there be an Andrew Marlowe in there somewhere? (I still think...
by bjondon
Wed Oct 30, 2019 4:53 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Unwrapping
Replies: 11
Views: 1539

Re: Unwrapping

Inspired recasting of the gilets jaunes.
Like the petulant tone switch in the last four.
'and a mask' doesn't seem to work there.
Maybe just 'pants' for a better rhythm at the end.
Jules
by bjondon
Tue Oct 29, 2019 5:35 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: A poem that I read today by Mac
Replies: 130
Views: 20276

Re: A poem that I read today by Mac

Patrick Kavanagh - The Great Hunger https://allpoetry.com/Patrick-Kavanagh Just a link because it is rather long. I'm finding this poem quite addictive. You are giving us a happy hunting ground here mac! The Kavanagh really is something else and yes, addictive (I just sent off for the penguin editi...
by bjondon
Mon Oct 28, 2019 1:27 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Ghosts at Herculaneum
Replies: 5
Views: 755

Re: Ghosts at Herculaneum

Hi Stuart,
you could try centre justifying it.
It occupies a strange territory between officialese and poetry.
In a way the hanging 'a' adds to that sense of a document on an official display.
Jules
by bjondon
Sun Oct 27, 2019 6:04 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Shelley in Sainsbury's - Manchester 2019 (V3)
Replies: 10
Views: 1841

Re: Indig-Nation : England in 2019

It's head in the halitosis-ridden-jaws-of-a-lion time again. I swore I wouldn't do this . . . telly, brexity . . . Shelley's England in 1819 is such a wonderful poem - www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/45118/england-in-1819 I just assumed other (better!) poets would have risen to this bait . . . appare...
by bjondon
Sat Oct 26, 2019 2:51 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tyrone n Jessica
Replies: 12
Views: 1314

Re: Tyrone n Jessica

Like it.
Don't understand 'I cor bai summat that I baint'
Shakespeare throws in an odd couple before Agincourt. Which one was that?
Jules
by bjondon
Thu Oct 24, 2019 9:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A Couple of Shorts
Replies: 6
Views: 842

Re: A Couple of Shorts

Hi Tristan - thought provoking as ever. Grouping these two together implies an agenda I can't really fathom. I like the term 'shorts' (alcoholic entertainment, short films) though. Perhaps separating them as Two Shorts : 1 and Two Shorts : 2 would be less of a distraction. Honesty - great first thre...
by bjondon
Thu Oct 24, 2019 4:02 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Shelley in Sainsbury's - Manchester 2019 (V3)
Replies: 10
Views: 1841

Shelley in Sainsbury's - Manchester 2019 (V3)

Assistants stand concerned - the adolescent sprawled between two aisles - biscuits, crackers urgent, meaningless supplies - A toddler yes, they've seen that (many times before) but this? and him? - they are appalled. O Superman - Astonished now, they watch the genuflectors: Gentle us, the busy peop...
by bjondon
Wed Oct 23, 2019 10:16 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: To Be Hunted by Her (V3)
Replies: 11
Views: 1250

Re: To Be Hunted by Her (V3)

Thanks for returning Not, mac and Ray, and delighted you tuned into this one JJ Not - you nearly had me there - but at least you thought my wordcraft better than my ornithology (winging it as usual with regard to mere facts) … but No - wiki lists 'young birds, bats and small rodents as being on thei...
by bjondon
Tue Oct 22, 2019 5:18 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Untitled
Replies: 5
Views: 639

Re: Untitled

Hi Perry,
I like the first six lines - they feel hurried and bitter,
but they have a great cadence and promise more
. . . an evolution, a story.

Jules
by bjondon
Mon Oct 21, 2019 8:13 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Only Ten Days Left : placesofpoetry.org.uk
Replies: 2
Views: 2266

Only Ten Days Left : placesofpoetry.org.uk

Am I the last PG-er to catch on to this site? Doors close Oct 31 … a Samhain to remember! It's a great site inviting all-comers to 'pin' their poems to a map of these fair isles. Inspired by early 17th century dude Michael Drayton's 'Poly- Olbion' epic, it's self-selecting (you'll find both suet and...
by bjondon
Mon Oct 21, 2019 7:11 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Saffron Flavored Rock Candy Vol ll
Replies: 5
Views: 1399

Re: Saffron Flavored Rock Candy Vol ll

Hi lotus, I just ordered a copy from amazon -
the title sounds very 'Silent Lotus' - did you have a hand
in the production?
Best wishes,
Julezs
by bjondon
Mon Oct 21, 2019 6:43 pm
Forum: Any Other Business
Topic: Post Visual Art Forum
Replies: 2
Views: 2516

Re: Post Visual Art Forum

Good point JJ - there is alively debate going on in the visual arts community about what they call 'conceptual poetry', in many ways a continuation of the initiations of the concrete poetry movements (most active in the 50's and 60's … you could also call it 'text art' … but anyway considerable inte...
by bjondon
Sat Oct 19, 2019 2:57 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Rapture (was In the Air & was Springing) (rev 3)
Replies: 20
Views: 2786

Re: Rapture (was In the Air & was Springing) (rev 3)

Hi JJ - not keen on the present title and
don't know what you mean by 'nerveless',
but the last tweaks have really pulled this together.
Liking it more and more.

Best,
Jules

p.s. a possible alt for nerveless - 'ready'