Search found 660 matches

by bjondon
Sun Nov 10, 2019 6:34 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The bookshop antiquarian removes her glasses (revision5)
Replies: 23
Views: 1992

Re: The bookshop antiquarian removes her glasses (revision5)

Haha . . . challenge accepted! .. . see revised Shack-Kerouac
(+ with audio any time soon :) )
Jules
by bjondon
Sat Nov 09, 2019 12:07 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The bookshop antiquarian removes her glasses (revision5)
Replies: 23
Views: 1992

Re: The bookshop antiquarian removes her glasses (revision5)

Liking R5
The last line feels like an off beat (maybe the intention)
- I'd prefer 'comes her answer.'
I think a clearer nod to Bogart would help . . . even
a title change - Bogie Man?
Just musing really.
Jules
by bjondon
Fri Nov 08, 2019 5:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Extremely Short Poems - trying to evoke emotion
Replies: 6
Views: 646

Re: Extremely Short Poems - trying to evoke emotion

Hi Sid, possibly not as excited as you are, but I do like the purity of the first one. I wonder if there is more potential for single letter/symbol poems . . . the title can really be as long as you want . . . I thought the second one ('i') was going somewhere (i.e. minus the spoken bit) but needed ...
by bjondon
Fri Nov 08, 2019 3:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Postpartum (Version 2)
Replies: 9
Views: 1131

Re: Postpartum (Version 2)

Brilliant news Luke! You have a pretty impressive suite of 'fertility' poems you've posted here. I like the way this launches with your signature brio, even though the N is beyond exhaustion. The revision to 'red brick' was definitely an improvement; likewise I agree the 'celestial' line didn't quit...
by bjondon
Thu Nov 07, 2019 5:39 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Pageantry
Replies: 12
Views: 1371

Re: Pageantry

Hi lotus, definitely one of my favourites . . . noniggles :( The left/right/centre text justification works a treat. (I have never seen that innovation before . . . quite tempted to steal :) ) On my second reading I'm also getting the scrumptious possibility of 'marshmallows' as a verb. Regards, Jules
by bjondon
Thu Nov 07, 2019 5:22 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Apple Tree (v5)
Replies: 25
Views: 2436

Re: The Apple Tree

Hi Not - there's a delicate balance of sonics and symbols here that I think we were all responding to . . . so we tinker at peril (those alt stanzas going backwards). But, you could try an opening like - 'My private elephant, standing on the lawn' or even frame it as - 'When I was a boy, I had an el...
by bjondon
Wed Nov 06, 2019 3:04 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Apple Tree (v5)
Replies: 25
Views: 2436

Re: The Apple Tree

Hi Not - I like the way these memories are held, weighted in the palm of each stanza, neatly wrapped. Just that one little bridge between S2+3 which also works well. They seem considered, distanced - the way the last stanza infuses everything with this apple smell/steam gives a sense of the strength...
by bjondon
Tue Nov 05, 2019 7:22 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: dic (v4)
Replies: 15
Views: 1357

Re: Gets a bit lost in the Welsh

Yes, both those changes would help.
Do you need all four 'They searched' stanzas?
J
by bjondon
Tue Nov 05, 2019 3:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: dic (v4)
Replies: 15
Views: 1357

Re: Gets a bit lost in the Welsh

Hi Not,
glad to see someone else stepping up to throttle the jelly.
A Tory PM and a Remain re-vote . . . that would be a laugh.
I think the swivel to 'dyke' needs a better story.
The queen of geo-lists is of course Germander Speedwell.
Jules
by bjondon
Mon Nov 04, 2019 2:20 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Unwrapping
Replies: 11
Views: 1347

Re: Unwrapping

Hi Ray, yes I am resigned to your underpants now. I thought both the milky flesh and surmised lines were good. But this all might be a bit too cut and dried - it's certainly snappy (though you need a better rhyme in 1/3 if you want the full sonnet (alt title :) )). The confusion about who's wearing ...
by bjondon
Mon Nov 04, 2019 12:53 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: A poem that I read today by Mac
Replies: 56
Views: 8195

Re: A poem that I read today by Mac

Not hugely impressed by that Pugh, but it sent me on a trail that arrived at the sensational 'Carol of the Birds' by Anne Stevenson.
J
by bjondon
Thu Oct 31, 2019 3:37 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Dome of Myrtle - V3 (was Myrtle)
Replies: 5
Views: 729

Dome of Myrtle - V3 (was Myrtle)

The dome of myrtle
is bee-louder than last year
A haystack speaker
alive with self-noise



V2

Dome of myrtle
Bee-louder than ever!

Haystack speaker!
You're alive with self sound



V1

the dome of myrtle
bee-louder than last year
haystack speaker
alive with self sound
by bjondon
Wed Oct 30, 2019 5:57 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The bookshop antiquarian removes her glasses (revision5)
Replies: 23
Views: 1992

Re: The bookshop antiquarian removes her glasses (revision4)

Of all the poetic strategies in all the poetry workshops of the world this one has to be the strangest :) At first I was completely flummoxed, but intrigued . . . scratch Chandler and you get Cartland - could that be the point? … or could there be an Andrew Marlowe in there somewhere? (I still think...
by bjondon
Wed Oct 30, 2019 4:53 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Unwrapping
Replies: 11
Views: 1347

Re: Unwrapping

Inspired recasting of the gilets jaunes.
Like the petulant tone switch in the last four.
'and a mask' doesn't seem to work there.
Maybe just 'pants' for a better rhythm at the end.
Jules
by bjondon
Tue Oct 29, 2019 5:35 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: A poem that I read today by Mac
Replies: 56
Views: 8195

Re: A poem that I read today by Mac

Patrick Kavanagh - The Great Hunger https://allpoetry.com/Patrick-Kavanagh Just a link because it is rather long. I'm finding this poem quite addictive. You are giving us a happy hunting ground here mac! The Kavanagh really is something else and yes, addictive (I just sent off for the penguin editi...
by bjondon
Mon Oct 28, 2019 1:27 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Ghosts at Herculaneum
Replies: 5
Views: 611

Re: Ghosts at Herculaneum

Hi Stuart,
you could try centre justifying it.
It occupies a strange territory between officialese and poetry.
In a way the hanging 'a' adds to that sense of a document on an official display.
Jules
by bjondon
Sun Oct 27, 2019 6:04 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Shelley in Sainsbury's - Manchester 2019 (V3)
Replies: 10
Views: 1540

Re: Indig-Nation : England in 2019

It's head in the halitosis-ridden-jaws-of-a-lion time again. I swore I wouldn't do this . . . telly, brexity . . . Shelley's England in 1819 is such a wonderful poem - www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/45118/england-in-1819 I just assumed other (better!) poets would have risen to this bait . . . appare...
by bjondon
Sat Oct 26, 2019 2:51 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tyrone n Jessica
Replies: 12
Views: 1122

Re: Tyrone n Jessica

Like it.
Don't understand 'I cor bai summat that I baint'
Shakespeare throws in an odd couple before Agincourt. Which one was that?
Jules
by bjondon
Thu Oct 24, 2019 9:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A Couple of Shorts
Replies: 6
Views: 673

Re: A Couple of Shorts

Hi Tristan - thought provoking as ever. Grouping these two together implies an agenda I can't really fathom. I like the term 'shorts' (alcoholic entertainment, short films) though. Perhaps separating them as Two Shorts : 1 and Two Shorts : 2 would be less of a distraction. Honesty - great first thre...
by bjondon
Thu Oct 24, 2019 4:02 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Shelley in Sainsbury's - Manchester 2019 (V3)
Replies: 10
Views: 1540

Shelley in Sainsbury's - Manchester 2019 (V3)

Assistants stand concerned - the adolescent sprawled between two aisles - biscuits, crackers urgent, meaningless supplies - A toddler yes, they've seen that (many times before) but this? and him? - they are appalled. O Superman - Astonished now, they watch the genuflectors: Gentle us, the busy peop...
by bjondon
Wed Oct 23, 2019 10:16 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: To Be Hunted by Her (V3)
Replies: 11
Views: 1061

Re: To Be Hunted by Her (V3)

Thanks for returning Not, mac and Ray, and delighted you tuned into this one JJ Not - you nearly had me there - but at least you thought my wordcraft better than my ornithology (winging it as usual with regard to mere facts) … but No - wiki lists 'young birds, bats and small rodents as being on thei...
by bjondon
Tue Oct 22, 2019 5:18 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Untitled
Replies: 5
Views: 532

Re: Untitled

Hi Perry,
I like the first six lines - they feel hurried and bitter,
but they have a great cadence and promise more
. . . an evolution, a story.

Jules
by bjondon
Mon Oct 21, 2019 8:13 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Only Ten Days Left : placesofpoetry.org.uk
Replies: 1
Views: 674

Only Ten Days Left : placesofpoetry.org.uk

Am I the last PG-er to catch on to this site? Doors close Oct 31 … a Samhain to remember! It's a great site inviting all-comers to 'pin' their poems to a map of these fair isles. Inspired by early 17th century dude Michael Drayton's 'Poly- Olbion' epic, it's self-selecting (you'll find both suet and...
by bjondon
Mon Oct 21, 2019 7:11 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Saffron Flavored Rock Candy Vol ll
Replies: 5
Views: 1196

Re: Saffron Flavored Rock Candy Vol ll

Hi lotus, I just ordered a copy from amazon -
the title sounds very 'Silent Lotus' - did you have a hand
in the production?
Best wishes,
Julezs
by bjondon
Mon Oct 21, 2019 6:43 pm
Forum: Any Other Business
Topic: Post Visual Art Forum
Replies: 2
Views: 1374

Re: Post Visual Art Forum

Good point JJ - there is alively debate going on in the visual arts community about what they call 'conceptual poetry', in many ways a continuation of the initiations of the concrete poetry movements (most active in the 50's and 60's … you could also call it 'text art' … but anyway considerable inte...