Search found 660 matches

by bjondon
Tue Nov 26, 2019 3:34 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Brinkmanship - revised
Replies: 5
Views: 756

Re: Brinkmanship - revised

Don't be too hard on yourself Ray - both the revisions twist the kalaidoscope - I had thought it was fine, but actually it's clearer now. I do enjoy reading political metaphors into your work - and the clichés 'flashing before our eyes' and 'change in perspective' seemed to chime with political rhet...
by bjondon
Tue Nov 26, 2019 1:46 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Wine, Wine
Replies: 1
Views: 482

Wine, Wine

Wine, wine, let's call it wine The perfect companion to the colonial mind It engrosses the appetite, dulls the taste Ennobles, enables a vaster consumption A brisker, a brasher, a civilised pace And oblivion, oblivion Isn't that just now the perfect state of mind A platform, a polity, an animal kind...
by bjondon
Mon Nov 25, 2019 9:41 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Mill
Replies: 13
Views: 1166

Re: No Title - abstract notion

Hi Sid . . . since you ask, I did have the thought
when first reading this - ok, if we plunged straight from here
into a vividly recounted real river experience that might work.
Jules
by bjondon
Mon Nov 25, 2019 9:22 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A Vestig Of Banter
Replies: 8
Views: 848

Re: A Vestig Of Banter

Hi lotus,
I like the tone . . . as if we've dropped into the middle
of a tetchy argument.
Wondering if changing the last phrase from
'to the shoe shine' to 'to shoe the shine' would work?
Best,
Jules
by bjondon
Mon Nov 25, 2019 3:45 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Shelley in Sainsbury's - Manchester 2019 (V3)
Replies: 10
Views: 1452

Re: Shelley? In Sainsbury's? - Manchester 2019 (V3)

Thanks mac and Not - a thorough revision posted . . . I'm still worrying at this bone. Am I a masochist? mac - glad you liked the opening scene. I have made the whole thing a bit more theatrical with a clearer location and cast. Your suggestion to name the journalists seemed like a good one. Not - C...
by bjondon
Sat Nov 23, 2019 1:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Mill
Replies: 13
Views: 1166

Re: No Title - abstract notion

Hi Sid,
if you change 'the reader/ swims' to 'we swim'
it opens this out a bit more, makes the question of
who is doing the Selecting more dynamic.

A resonant old trope like this seems like a good
starting point for a poem to me.

Jules
by bjondon
Thu Nov 21, 2019 3:33 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Intrusions (was lgm)
Replies: 20
Views: 1327

Re: Intrusions (was lgm)

'Otherness' seems to be the key intellectuaL idea here, around which squirms this rather eloquent language that manages to capture both the irrationality and loss of control inherent. So you could call it 'Others' though I did like 'lgm' - the squirming lower case letters, a tiny half word half logo...
by bjondon
Tue Nov 19, 2019 9:42 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Intrusions (was lgm)
Replies: 20
Views: 1327

Re: lgm

I could gift you 'The Pandemonium Effect'

It's a really interesting poem, one of your best I think.

And oddly disappointing if that is all it is about.

I like it as it stands . . . too much spelling out could
break the spell.

Jules
by bjondon
Tue Nov 19, 2019 9:25 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: this is
Replies: 2
Views: 364

this is

like a sort of sky - the scudded clouds - a Gerard Manley Hopkins custard pie . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . lavender . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . lemon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . lime . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pinkish and purple - marooned dark marooned am I You see this is i...
by bjondon
Tue Nov 19, 2019 3:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: GNU IN MUTED DOINK
Replies: 3
Views: 407

Re: GNU IN MUTED DOINK

Thank you Not and Sid, Like banjo players and jugglers, anagrammers should never be encouraged . . . you are taking a risk here :) Actually this particular pony is performing one additional trick that nobody seems to have noticed. I will just say that I can't do without the 'OK' and that Greenwich M...
by bjondon
Tue Nov 19, 2019 2:46 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Matins (revision3)
Replies: 16
Views: 1158

Re: Matins (revision2)

Hi mac, Coming to this one late (now revision 2) - but like many of your poems this has been a slow burn for me. I think I got it from the start, but a bit thrown by the barrelman who I now like (the change in order helped). I hesitate to mention the 'A' word or the 'd' word, but this does remind me...
by bjondon
Mon Nov 18, 2019 10:46 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: *
Replies: 19
Views: 1013

Re: England, 2019

Hi Dylan - I've seen three of these and this one is by far the most viable . . . You would imagine pastiche is potentially the cringe-worthiest of strategies to choose, but actually for me it's the close-up parallel play with both the music and meaning of Shelley's masterpiece that I enjoyed here. I...
by bjondon
Mon Nov 18, 2019 2:34 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: GNU IN MUTED DOINK
Replies: 3
Views: 407

GNU IN MUTED DOINK

Greenwich Mean Time OK?

UNINK DONG TEDIUM

Two ayes. Two yoos…

UNKID MINGE DONUT

Two days. Three endz…

UNKIND DIM TONGUE

Ununited Kingdom
by bjondon
Mon Nov 18, 2019 12:04 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Brian
Replies: 5
Views: 775

Re: Brian

Yes, I think we can read 'Brian' as 'Brain' … brain-dead or just an outside chance of being revived?
Delicious first rhyme with 'lion'.
Jules
by bjondon
Fri Nov 15, 2019 7:24 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: dic (v4)
Replies: 15
Views: 1259

Re: dic

Liking the V3, but would throw the old S2 Grey Ditch
stanza back in - it has a brilliant cadence and was my
favourite bit - I think it would fit between S3 & 4
Possible title "The Ditch in Which"
J
by bjondon
Thu Nov 14, 2019 7:00 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Pageantry
Replies: 12
Views: 1313

Re: Pageantry

Second bite . . . there is something uncomfortable about this - the formal excellence, the cordon bleu dexterity. The two phrases 'sidewalk real estate' and 'zookeeper of the galaxies' could easily be referring to the arena of the page, the territory of the poet. . . . So is this an indictment of th...
by bjondon
Thu Nov 14, 2019 6:19 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Bogie Man
Replies: 5
Views: 622

Re: Bogie Man

Hi Dylan - thanks for the read and the typos - you're right, it's flash fiction . . . though hard to tell these days. mac - I see your point. The combination of sexual tension and 'holiday syndrome' is making all three characters revert to national stereotype. A UK/US standoff. Eleanor wouldn't drea...
by bjondon
Thu Nov 14, 2019 5:59 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: You take a wrong turning out of Perth… (revision)
Replies: 2
Views: 327

You take a wrong turning out of Perth… (revision)

A proper city; two million people, at worst 400k from light, ale, snickers, fuel … a blowout should be enough It happens - we go out just once a month A simple matter of knowing which is north V1 a proper city two million people at worst 400k from light ale, snickers, fuel - a blow out should be eno...
by bjondon
Thu Nov 14, 2019 4:32 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Poet Smith
Replies: 9
Views: 654

Re: The Poet Smith

Hi Sid,
I like the seemingly random capitals in S1 - like sparks from the forge.
They seem to disappear in the following stanzas.
Is there a pun intended in the last 'forged'?
Jules
by bjondon
Thu Nov 14, 2019 4:20 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Dome of Myrtle - V3 (was Myrtle)
Replies: 5
Views: 679

Re: Dome of Myrtle - V3 (was Myrtle)

'noise' can be pejorative, but I think you're right, amending to 'sound' obscured the intended reference.

They have split into two poems really, with a quite different tone (both accordingly tweaked)

J
by bjondon
Wed Nov 13, 2019 4:18 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Dome of Myrtle - V3 (was Myrtle)
Replies: 5
Views: 679

Re: Dome of Myrtle - V3 (was Myrtle)

Thanks mac and Tristan, myrtle is symbolic of somany things - it seems to inspire a particular plant/human affinity. This certainly starts out as just straight nature observation (with a cheeky Yeatsian pun) - a bit haiku-ish with perhaps some reverse engineered gnomic aspirations. Tristan - I've on...
by bjondon
Tue Nov 12, 2019 4:01 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: MAGA RAKA fooka rooka (Oswald on Bass) was Shack-Kerouac
Replies: 15
Views: 1444

Re: MAGA RAKA fooka rooka (Oswald on Bass) was Shack-Kerouac

Thanks mac,
I have set it up as separate post (Bogie Man).
I was thinking more Kerouac than Hancock
but the crossover territory could be fruitful.
As it stands I think the ending is a bit too pat
even though I suppose that is part of the trope.
J
by bjondon
Tue Nov 12, 2019 3:22 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Bogie Man
Replies: 5
Views: 622

Bogie Man

I once knew this guy or rather, I was thrown into his company. The whole thing was a strangely violent escapade - I don't come out of it at all well - in fact, I was almost killed, but that, I suppose, was just an accident. East Berlin, West too, were of course, a complete theatrical stage set back ...
by bjondon
Mon Nov 11, 2019 5:09 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: MAGA RAKA fooka rooka (Oswald on Bass) was Shack-Kerouac
Replies: 15
Views: 1444

Re: Shack-Kerouac (revision)

Thanks mac . . . I'm reading that as a thumbs up :)
A new layer added . . . taking the 'Bogie-Man' theme further . . . a separate piece?
I am facinated by fake voices, projected images, charisma . . . from the alpha male down the pub to the populists on our screen.
Jules
by bjondon
Sun Nov 10, 2019 10:50 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: MAGA RAKA fooka rooka (Oswald on Bass) was Shack-Kerouac
Replies: 15
Views: 1444

Re: Shack Kerouac

Apologies for the tardy response - a revision and an audio up. Delighted this hit the spot JJ and Honour - the musicality is my principle aim, though you will notice I am trying to smuggle a few other things under the radar. What a zany ride, Jules, and one to get the mind buzzing at this time of da...