Search found 1840 matches

by NotQuiteSure
Mon Sep 07, 2020 12:26 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: The Ink Pantry (3)
Replies: 4
Views: 42

Re: The Ink Pantry (3)

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congrats mac,
when did Matins make the transition to couplets? :)

Regards, Not

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by NotQuiteSure
Mon Sep 07, 2020 12:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Playing for Keeps
Replies: 0
Views: 24

Playing for Keeps

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Playing for Keeps


The cat in the corner
is quietly counting
"seventy ... eighty ...
ninety ... and done ..."

All of the mice
have already hidden.
"Ready or not ...
here I come!"


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by NotQuiteSure
Mon Sep 07, 2020 12:22 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Real Macaw (v2b)
Replies: 6
Views: 133

The Real Macaw (v2b)

. v2b The Real Macaw They all think we're fashion statements, squawking gewgaws, feathered bling. Scurvy knaves! Never notice we can hear, see everything. We've a perch at Captains' parleys, eyes to spy each prize they take. Rascals reckon they teach us pretty boy! Pieces of eight! Walk the plank! ...
by NotQuiteSure
Thu Sep 03, 2020 12:16 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: How many seconds are there in a day? (revision2)
Replies: 23
Views: 251

Re: How many seconds are there in a day? (revision2)

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Phew!

(Would 'torpid' work for 'yawning' - or would it cost too much by way of the 'gaping' pun? -
and they (or their) for his/her? A little less visually irritating :) )

Other than that, looks done. :)

Regards, Not

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by NotQuiteSure
Thu Sep 03, 2020 11:07 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: How many seconds are there in a day? (revision2)
Replies: 23
Views: 251

Re: How many seconds are there in a day? (revision2)

Macavity wrote:
Thu Sep 03, 2020 5:30 am
It was my attempt at a prose poem, but then I don't really know what a prose poem is :roll: :)
Me either. :)

I don't think repeating 'doubt is a moonless night' works, law of diminishing returns. It's too good a line to dilute, so don't!

Regards, Not

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by NotQuiteSure
Wed Sep 02, 2020 2:03 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Title Changed (v4)
Replies: 15
Views: 315

Re: Title Changed (v4)

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Hi mac,
end rhyme kept, thanks.

_____________


Hi Tristan.

Cat, pigeons, pigeons, cat. :)

Whither a 'different narrative direction?'


Regards both, Not


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by NotQuiteSure
Wed Sep 02, 2020 12:01 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: How many seconds are there in a day? (revision2)
Replies: 23
Views: 251

Re: How many seconds are there in a day? (revision2)

. Hi mac, like this revision. Ever so minor thoughts ... Maybe a period for the colon after 'distraction'? If you could stand it, cut the 'yawning' and get 'Gabriel yawns, launches ... ' (for a bit of variation in the repeated phrase)? And the line lengths (shouldn't they be more uniform?) How abou...
by NotQuiteSure
Tue Sep 01, 2020 11:32 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: How many seconds are there in a day? (revision2)
Replies: 23
Views: 251

Re: How many seconds are there in a day? (revised)

Macavity wrote:
Mon Aug 31, 2020 11:04 pm
I didn't want to 'Big' him/her she/he up
Wise move, but maybe change the period after 'souls' to a comma?

Regards, Not

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by NotQuiteSure
Tue Sep 01, 2020 11:31 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Title Changed (v4)
Replies: 15
Views: 315

Re: Title Changed (v4)

Macavity wrote:
Mon Aug 31, 2020 10:52 pm
I don't understand Not., what's the concern?
Deviating from an end rhyme.


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by NotQuiteSure
Mon Aug 31, 2020 5:46 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Life on the outskirts
Replies: 4
Views: 118

Re: Life on the outskirts

. Hi Amadis, not sure that either Bougainville or The Periodic Table Of Conquest work as well as the simpler Life on the outskirts. I think this is one of those paces where I'd like more or less. Can't decide. :) (the first letter capitals aren't helping, especially as their use isn't consistent). ...
by NotQuiteSure
Mon Aug 31, 2020 11:34 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Title Changed (v4)
Replies: 15
Views: 315

Re: Title Changed (v4)

. Hi mac, thanks for returning. I'm afraid Jack's toast, largely due to my inability to rehabilitate 'woodentop'. I've tweaked the ending and the title, I think they both work now. Do you think I could get away with this as an alternative s12 ? Kingsman's up to something, it wasn't "serendipity", I...
by NotQuiteSure
Mon Aug 31, 2020 10:58 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: How many seconds are there in a day? (revision2)
Replies: 23
Views: 251

Re: How many seconds are there in a day? (revised)

. Hi mac, prefer this form. The longer lines suit the 'listlessness'. I keep on misreading Ennui as Enki (and as a consequence want doubt to be Doubt) :) ... almost empty of the noise of Man / The Creator ... ? Shouldn't the her in His/her also be capitalised? Likewise He/She? Wasn't 'moonshine gin...
by NotQuiteSure
Sun Aug 30, 2020 12:33 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: How many seconds are there in a day? (revision2)
Replies: 23
Views: 251

Re: How many seconds are there in a day?

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Yes they do. The point is you give your opinion on the poem, not what anyone else thinks of it.
Critiquing someone else's critique is, for want of a phrase, bad manners.

(Apologies for hijacking your thread mac)


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by NotQuiteSure
Sun Aug 30, 2020 12:19 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: How many seconds are there in a day? (revision2)
Replies: 23
Views: 251

Re: How many seconds are there in a day?

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Amadis.
Not your poem. Not your Call. Not.

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by NotQuiteSure
Sun Aug 30, 2020 11:51 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: How many seconds are there in a day? (revision2)
Replies: 23
Views: 251

Re: How many seconds are there in a day?

. Hi mac, enjoyed the 'weariness' of this one, but thought it fell at the final hurdle. That last line just seems a little too straightforward (might the idea there work as the title?) 'doubt is a moonless night' is a real gem , one to inspire envy :) Some cutting comments ... Gabriel launches a cr...
by NotQuiteSure
Sun Aug 30, 2020 11:29 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Title Changed (v4)
Replies: 15
Views: 315

Re: Title Changed (v4)

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- ok mac, pondered and revised :)

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by NotQuiteSure
Sat Aug 29, 2020 10:37 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Title Changed (v4)
Replies: 15
Views: 315

Re: Police Procedural (was Untitled)

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So, no to a sub-genre of crime fiction? ok. Back to pondering.

Thanks mac,

regards, Not.


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by NotQuiteSure
Sat Aug 29, 2020 10:36 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Observance (revision)
Replies: 22
Views: 260

Re: Observance (revision)

. Hi mac, still think the original last line is the better one. As to the two thats, could the second one be a which? Not keen on 'unploughed' (and is 'gazing' necessary'?) across the fallows she saw nothing in flight, but felt that shared quiet. It wasn't/was never only/just words which mattered f...
by NotQuiteSure
Fri Aug 28, 2020 3:16 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Observance (revision)
Replies: 22
Views: 260

Re: Observance (revision)

I wasn't suggesting the 'names' were magic I know, and yet (I think) they do have a magic to them (not least that obviously associated with Rowan's and witches) which is recognised in the opening. It's a thin veil between evocation and invocation. I find it hard not to read sitting place as Sitting...
by NotQuiteSure
Fri Aug 28, 2020 2:06 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Observance (revision)
Replies: 22
Views: 260

Re: Observance

. Hi mac, Actually those doubts were about the 'plainness' of the language, the meaning was clear with both but they each lacked the 'magic' of Levellers etc. there's some nice sonics with 'amble' and 'grandmother' Ambling along Leveller's Lane, past her grandmother's rowan, the witch's pond fallow...
by NotQuiteSure
Fri Aug 28, 2020 12:49 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Observance (revision)
Replies: 22
Views: 260

Re: Observance

. Hi Mac, unconvincing? ... Hmm ... I thought the implied 'casualness' of 'stroll' didn't sit well with the ending, and 'after' made me want to know what came before, why was she out for a stroll (and not a jog or a walk or a ...) ? None of which is relevant to the piece, but the questions get in t...
by NotQuiteSure
Thu Aug 27, 2020 3:33 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Observance (revision)
Replies: 22
Views: 260

Re: Samhain

. Hi mac. Can't quite connect 'Samhain' to 'fallow' (and 'fallow field' is rather clichéd, isn't it? Not entirely convinced by 'sitting place' or 'shared quiet' - but I enjoyed the ending (from 'she saw nothing ...) Very satisfying. ... The beginning on the other hand ... could it be pared back to ...
by NotQuiteSure
Thu Aug 27, 2020 1:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Title Changed (v4)
Replies: 15
Views: 315

Re: untitled (v2b)

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- a little light crowbar-ing -

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by NotQuiteSure
Wed Aug 26, 2020 4:47 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Small Worlds (revision7)
Replies: 18
Views: 814

Re: Small Worlds (revision7)

. Hi mac, like the introduction of 'untethers' (very nice) - but now not sure about the 'But' (L5) Preferred the sonics of 'tots up' (much more playful/childish), the ending still isn't working (for me). Would it still work if you ended on 'deflates' (cut the final couplet entirely)? The cosy rooms...