Search found 1864 matches

by NotQuiteSure
Sun Aug 16, 2020 10:34 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The tough Aussie Bloke - almost a bloody poem
Replies: 6
Views: 394

Re: The tough Aussie Bloke - almost a bloody poem

. Hi Amadis. Just following in mac's footsteps It was me. (could be the title?) I have learned that a man should always have at least 40 litres of water to use per day. Any amount less than that he feels unclean. (maybe a bit more about the consquences?) after weeks of them watching me gather wood,...
by NotQuiteSure
Sun Aug 16, 2020 10:31 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Last Drop (Edinburgh) 2021 - revision3
Replies: 22
Views: 705

Re: The Last Drop (Edinburgh)

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Hi mac,
liked this up until I got lost on the 'biblical lepers' - just not getting that reference.
Also suspicious of 'mizzle ... mist' - seems a bit overdone to me.
Like the ending though.


Regards, Not


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by NotQuiteSure
Wed Aug 12, 2020 4:11 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Topsy Turvy
Replies: 6
Views: 700

Re: Topsy Turvy

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Done.
And thanks again, mac.

Regards, Not

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by NotQuiteSure
Wed Aug 12, 2020 10:24 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Topsy Turvy
Replies: 6
Views: 700

Re: Topsy Turvy

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Hi mac,
thanks for returning.
Been thinking about 'everyone else' - would
all Spaffer could see
were the multitudes, looking down

be better?


Regards, Not


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by NotQuiteSure
Tue Aug 11, 2020 12:41 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Small Worlds (revision7)
Replies: 18
Views: 1044

Re: Small Worlds (revision)

. Hi mac, I definitely think couplets are the way to go. I lose the thread in the second half (from 'and cuddling ...') which could just be down to the punctuation. Bit too big a leap, for me, to the (appropriately childlike) pirates, (after the wine and spaghetti I was expecting something Mediterr...
by NotQuiteSure
Tue Aug 11, 2020 12:39 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Topsy Turvy
Replies: 6
Views: 700

Re: Topsy Turvy

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Hi mac,
thanks for the read.
more tribal - not sure, there seemed to be something of a 'cross-party' consensus/incredulity at his decision to use the word 'moral' recently, which was enough for this cartoon.

Regards, Not


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by NotQuiteSure
Mon Aug 10, 2020 5:07 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Topsy Turvy
Replies: 6
Views: 700

Topsy Turvy

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Topsy Turvy


He planted his pennant
and proudly declared
I claim this, the high moral ground.

But when he looked up
all Spaffer could see
were the multitudes, looking down.




____________________

L6. Changed 'was everyone' to 'were the multitudes'

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by NotQuiteSure
Mon Aug 10, 2020 10:28 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Small Worlds (revision7)
Replies: 18
Views: 1044

Re: Small Worlds

. Hi mac, very enjoyable read (l2 stands out for me). Three nits (yes, really): 'habitat' seems to be trying too hard, why not simply habit(s)? (and tv for telly?) The repetition of 'no' in the final verse. And, could L3 be moved to the end? Having it where it is undercuts the terrific opening coup...
by NotQuiteSure
Fri Aug 07, 2020 10:44 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Machirologist (revision3)
Replies: 8
Views: 954

Re: The Machirologist (revision3)

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Nighty night :)

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by NotQuiteSure
Thu Aug 06, 2020 5:34 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Machirologist (revision3)
Replies: 8
Views: 954

Re: The Machirologist (revision2)

. Hi mac, thanks for the explanations I think we can assume her hand was lost due to the 'car accident' I'm not sure about that - 'her car ran over' seems passive, distanced (her from the event) and not a description that ostensibly puts her at risk of injury. I'll keep the poppy references I like ...
by NotQuiteSure
Thu Aug 06, 2020 12:16 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: A poem that I read today by Mac
Replies: 111
Views: 12955

Re: A poem that I read today by Mac

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Just a quick thank you, mac.
Been enjoying this weeks recommendations.

Regards, Not

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by NotQuiteSure
Thu Aug 06, 2020 12:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Machirologist (revision3)
Replies: 8
Views: 954

Re: The Machirologist's Statement (revision)

, Hi mac, don't think that 'statement' fits the poem. Still puzzling over the ending, why wouldn't she use her artificial hand to break the glass? (And how does losing the second hand maintain the world's balance?) Not to mention the beginning :) why does she have her hand cut off, and why wasn't i...
by NotQuiteSure
Wed Aug 05, 2020 2:08 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Machirologist (revision3)
Replies: 8
Views: 954

Re: From A Hypnotherapist's Case File - The Thief

. Hi mac, the opening (line) grabs, but then lets go for a few (ok, three) verses. I think there is too long an interruption (almost digression) between 'studied coincidence' and 'mapped happenstance'. Various nits: s1 - who's driving the car. Or was it empty? Is this the desmembered hand referred ...
by NotQuiteSure
Tue Aug 04, 2020 1:17 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Bonnie & Clyde v2
Replies: 14
Views: 893

Re: Bonnie & Clyde v2

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Hi mac, Y
I think you're probably right, thanks for revisiting.

Regards, Not

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by NotQuiteSure
Tue Aug 04, 2020 10:37 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Bonnie & Clyde v2
Replies: 14
Views: 893

Re: Bonnie & Clyde v2

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- tweaked -

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by NotQuiteSure
Mon Aug 03, 2020 3:01 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Bonnie & Clyde v2
Replies: 14
Views: 893

Re: Bonnie & Clyde

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Thanks mac,
Credit to Y for that. She/he saw that to which I was smugly oblivious :)

Regards, Not


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by NotQuiteSure
Mon Aug 03, 2020 1:18 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Bonnie & Clyde v2
Replies: 14
Views: 893

Re: Bonehead & Clyde

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Hi Y,
title changed.

Thanks again.

Regards, Not


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by NotQuiteSure
Mon Aug 03, 2020 11:51 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Galway
Replies: 5
Views: 594

Re: Galway

. Hi Trev, I like the idea but lacking any knowledge of Galway this was a bit too meandering for me. And I didn't get much of a sense of place. I thought you came close in verses five (with what seem like long held local complaints) and six. Trying to follow the route on a map was difficult (though...
by NotQuiteSure
Mon Aug 03, 2020 10:31 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Bonnie & Clyde v2
Replies: 14
Views: 893

Re: Bonehead & Clyde

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Hi Y,
I hadn't foreseen that 'outlaw' could be exploited in that way. (Always nice when you discover you've hidden depths.)
Would it enhance your interpretation were the title to be (the less? pejorative) Bonnie & Clyde (2020)?

Many thanks.

Regards, Not


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by NotQuiteSure
Sun Aug 02, 2020 11:52 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Bonnie & Clyde v2
Replies: 14
Views: 893

Re: Bonehead & Clyde

Macavity wrote:
Sat Aug 01, 2020 7:59 pm
:idea: I should have guessed!
You really should :)

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by NotQuiteSure
Sun Aug 02, 2020 11:51 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Vale Pax Americana
Replies: 6
Views: 743

Re: Vale Pax Americana

. Hi Amadis. Goodbye America, Hello China? It seems to lack focus (or I'm as slow on the uptake as ever): don't understand the 'comet' or the 'sorceress', or why sheep would be scrambling in the dirt (there should be a comma after dirt). Who can believe what we hear when the tail wags the dog when,...
by NotQuiteSure
Sat Aug 01, 2020 4:34 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Bonnie & Clyde v2
Replies: 14
Views: 893

Re: Bonehead & Clyde

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Hi mac,
I'd forgotten the Anthill mob, delighted to be reminded.
'Red hats', just a reference to those MAGA hats of Trump.

Regards, Not

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by NotQuiteSure
Sat Aug 01, 2020 4:33 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Henge (revision3)
Replies: 8
Views: 757

Re: Henge (revision3)

Hi mac, apart from that questionable question mark in S5, and the title, this one looks good. Now we wait for someone to say they preferred the original :) (I think you were right, that the sucked stones should be plural!) Finding more and more in 'mudcracked voices', either the ancestors in their g...
by NotQuiteSure
Sat Aug 01, 2020 1:30 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Bonnie & Clyde v2
Replies: 14
Views: 893

Bonnie & Clyde v2

. Bonnie & Clyde (2020) Captured here by video surveillance the outlaws, wearing their trademark red hats ID'd, arrested in less than an hour the only ones without a mask in the bank. Brought back alive boasted the sheriff it weren't as if either were black. ________________ Bonehead & Clyde (2020)...
by NotQuiteSure
Sat Aug 01, 2020 1:25 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Henge (revision3)
Replies: 8
Views: 757

Re: Henge (revision2)

. Hi mac, I appreciate the clarity you've brought with the revisions (doubtless someone will be along soon to say the opposite :) ) I think you could bring a little back in S3, as in Her sacrifice will appease their mudcracked voices (liked 'ancestors, by the way). You've 'bone' twice (S5,S7), just...