Search found 410 matches

by ton321
Sat Apr 25, 2015 1:00 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Battle of the Bulge.
Replies: 13
Views: 1743

Re: Battle of the Bulge.

Never has the pork pie been so dignified. Shame about the pig, though!
by ton321
Wed Mar 11, 2015 12:46 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Over the Radar
Replies: 5
Views: 841

Over the Radar

You are half asleep when
the plane begins to stumble uphill-
the shelves of wind are breaking up.

We are at the airs deepest point.
I hold your hand and it stirs, relaxes.
Nothing can save us from ourselves

not drink or sleeping pills
or even the hand in hand
on a long haul flight.
by ton321
Fri Mar 06, 2015 3:53 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Wage-Slip
Replies: 9
Views: 957

Re: Exchange of labour

Sorry guys, decided to abandon the poem until I can think of what to do with it!
by ton321
Thu Mar 05, 2015 12:46 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Wage-Slip
Replies: 9
Views: 957

Wage-Slip

revision Folded grease-proof paper payslip, heavy with silver and copper nuggets- a week of work for watermarked paper, with the Queens head and a serial number; thumbed, signed sealed, sales were quiet that week, whats worse I licked my finger and spent the first on some out of touch pockmarked ver...
by ton321
Tue Mar 03, 2015 12:18 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Lonely Man
Replies: 15
Views: 1213

Re: Lonely Man

I agree with the last reply that it is almost an entirely new poem. The idea of a chair moulded by use, into which other people might not sit easily, is a compelling image. Maybe concentrate on a couple of telling details about this chair, and let the rest speak for itself. Charles Simics Shoes is a...
by ton321
Sun Mar 01, 2015 12:09 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Lonely Man
Replies: 15
Views: 1213

Re: Lonely Man

I liked the sounds/rhymes of this poem, esp. undress, distress but maybe the rhyme scheme is a bit of a straightjacket. I get the feeling that there is more that could be said/expressed with a looser ryme scheme, and a longer stanza line.
by ton321
Sat Feb 28, 2015 11:43 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Snow in Alaska
Replies: 15
Views: 1401

Re: Snow in Alaska

Thanks again for your suggestions and comments. Ive been writing "poetry" on and off for years, throwing it away the next day, starting again etc. The feedback is quite amazing, and humbling. I am still in a quandry what to do with this poem, as i have almost rebuilt it from the ground up. I will po...
by ton321
Thu Feb 26, 2015 5:19 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Snow in Alaska
Replies: 15
Views: 1401

Re: Snow in Alaska

Thanks for the encouraging remarks everyone, they are much appreciated. One suggestion to put it the present tense is a good one, which makes it more immediate,
and maybe introduce more specific details of the locale. Thanks for taking the time to write your replies!
by ton321
Wed Feb 25, 2015 11:06 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Snow in Alaska
Replies: 15
Views: 1401

Snow in Alaska

When the lakes freeze in Alaska
you can hear them creaking like doors
unoiled and unhinged by the cold.
All they are saying is this- Winter come soon,
give me your blanket of snow,
tuck me up to the chin, and tell me the stories of old.
by ton321
Sun Feb 22, 2015 2:25 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Aviflora revised
Replies: 13
Views: 1226

Re: Aviflora

I like this image, of birds being the fruit of the winter tree. Very japanese, could be haiku maybe?