Search found 522 matches

by cynwulf
Fri Jan 22, 2016 3:16 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Overseas Study Visit (Revision 2)
Replies: 21
Views: 1985

Re: Overseas Study Visit

Liked this, the tetrameter ideal for the topic.
regards, c.
by cynwulf
Fri Jan 22, 2016 3:13 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: New Every Morning
Replies: 14
Views: 1387

Re: New Every Morning

Thank you, Ian, for your comments. You've given me some useful pointers for further thought and development-I particularly liked your suggestion on the final line, something along that line wd give a better earthing for the piece. I think this needs to go into further gestation (along with an earlie...
by cynwulf
Tue Jan 19, 2016 2:36 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Mayfly
Replies: 2
Views: 358

Re: The Mayfly

G'day and welcome MoFair, I hope you will find this forum as helpful as I have as a fellow beginner. I enjoyed reading your poem with its sciencey references, clear title followed by clear expression. I think, though, the Mayfly is perhaps a touch hackneyed as a metaphor for transience, a brace of n...
by cynwulf
Sun Jan 17, 2016 5:36 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: New Every Morning
Replies: 14
Views: 1387

Re: New Every Morning

Thank you for some interesting responses, much to ponder. A few thoughts before I respond individually. I have tried not to produce what Ros calls an 'information dump', but it is impossible with this kind of topic to avoid some specialised vocabulary, unless one indulges in less precise circumlocut...
by cynwulf
Fri Jan 15, 2016 4:26 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Crying in the Rain
Replies: 5
Views: 854

Re: Crying in the Rain

G'day Aneirin,

I tend to agree with ray on the archaisms and inversions, but liked the otherworldliness, don't let rhyme rule you- a deal of great poetry doesn't rhyme-most of Shakespeare eg, and Milton hated rhyme, English is not naturally endowed to rhyme unlike say Italian or Russian.
regards, c.
by cynwulf
Fri Jan 15, 2016 4:09 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Coastal Waters
Replies: 14
Views: 1536

Re: Coastal Waters

Thank you Katherine -yes, I suppose it is a rather twisted tale.

Aneirin,
Thanks for your appreciative comment. Diolch. A fine, bardic name you've got there, shd inspire some good reading.
regards, c.
by cynwulf
Fri Jan 15, 2016 4:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: New Every Morning
Replies: 14
Views: 1387

New Every Morning

New Every Morning The photon flow intensifies, illuminates the patterns on the half-drawn curtains. The sleeper stirs, an elbow straightens; in the brainstem protein clusters reconfigure opening sluices in nerve cell membranes, sodium ions flood in, flush potassium ions out, membrane potential flips...
by cynwulf
Wed Jan 13, 2016 12:29 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Untitled
Replies: 9
Views: 1342

Re: Untitled

powerful and disturbing, particularly appreciated the imagery of the lines from silk dress onward, a very Yeatsian touch. Perhaps the poem shd remain untitled, unless I am wrong in perceiving an unresolved irony in the ending.
regards, c.
by cynwulf
Wed Jan 13, 2016 12:20 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Skylark
Replies: 15
Views: 1560

Re: The Skylark

Very well achieved piece, the ecstasy of the skylark caught in lines of as perfect metre and rhyme ( apart from 'golds'...'halls') as Meredith's piece, a superb pastoral.
c.
by cynwulf
Wed Jan 13, 2016 11:41 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Dunnock, standing
Replies: 6
Views: 859

Re: Dunnock, standing

excellent observation, Seth; liked yor idea of avian mentation; not sure about feathers moving-..its legs or wings perhaps.
regards,c.
by cynwulf
Wed Dec 23, 2015 3:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Father Christmas
Replies: 3
Views: 541

Re: Father Christmas

I think the previous crits are fair. I enjoyed the read, but found the scansion wandered a bit, and thearchaisms a little too 'poetic'. Lewis Carroll wrote a nice satire on "poetic" style, entitled Poeta fit, non Nascitur , it's to be found on various sites eg http://www.poemhunter.com on t'internet...
by cynwulf
Wed Dec 23, 2015 3:16 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Coastal Waters
Replies: 14
Views: 1536

Re: Coastal Waters

Thank you, gentlemen both. I'm entirely with you there, Seth, concerning kit. I was fortunate to have been given a copy of M's Collected Poems, his range, diversity, inventiveness and skill are incredible, including some excellent translations-not least Beowulf.
c.
by cynwulf
Mon Dec 14, 2015 4:26 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Turner Prize
Replies: 10
Views: 1722

Re: The Turner Prize

Thanks for that, liked the sentiment, not sure about the form. Is the form an ironic approach, and comment in itself on modern art? One or two words jarred-'thusly', do you need to adverbialise the adverb? 'Aubaine'-do you intend this in its original French meaning, or is mac right?

regards,c.
by cynwulf
Mon Dec 14, 2015 4:09 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Coastal Waters
Replies: 14
Views: 1536

Re: Coastal Waters

Thank you all for reading and commenting. JJ, piece written as a pattern poem attempting to use typography.to emphasise the visual effect of the showers, perhaps wd be better to describe the scene with a watercolour rather than use words, just a jeu d'esprit really. Must stop reading Edwin Morgan- a...
by cynwulf
Tue Dec 08, 2015 2:55 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Flour/power
Replies: 5
Views: 968

Re: Flour/power

Yes, a strong piece, emphasised by the monosyllabicism. Liked the use of the various vowels, even the rhyme in l2.
regards, c.
by cynwulf
Tue Dec 08, 2015 2:46 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Zeitgeist and Islam
Replies: 8
Views: 1275

Re: The Zeitgeist and Islam

I think the fourth version is the best as a poem, but the actual content doesn't to me fit with the title, terms too vague- it doesn't to me relate zeitgeist and islam-whose zeitgeist which version of Islam?
regards, C.
by cynwulf
Tue Dec 08, 2015 2:37 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Coastal Waters
Replies: 14
Views: 1536

Coastal Waters

Coastal Waters... Whitby to Gibraltar Point, west backing south, 3 to 4, slight, scattered showers, good to very good... Like bales of wool f r ay i n g a y r i n a i f y g y i n g f r i y i n n g g f r a clouds shed their burden far off, twisting in skeins black and grey. Almost like smoke wisps t...
by cynwulf
Tue Nov 17, 2015 2:04 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Metempsychosis
Replies: 5
Views: 717

Re: Metempsychosis

Liked the feel of this, stimulates thought/imagination- ideas of transmutation, Razi as a harbinger of rational science and medicine, platonism..... Word choice: snake trails seems OK to me as referring to the furrows left by snakes gliding through sand; not sure about sifting distillates, wouldn't ...
by cynwulf
Tue Nov 10, 2015 10:43 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Camouflage
Replies: 7
Views: 903

Re: Camouflage

Evocative autumnal picture, Ray.
Macavity wrote:and smoke is seeping underneath
your eyes and outer clothing.
.....seeping exactly right for effect on clothing, but smoke seems to me more agressively acrid than that on eyes . Prefer 'man' to any more general term.
regards, c.
by cynwulf
Tue Nov 10, 2015 10:29 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Death on the Crescent Revision
Replies: 6
Views: 973

Re: Death on the Crescent Revision

Thanks mac. Have edited out exudes, oozes -replaced with something less OTT.
regards, c.
by cynwulf
Mon Nov 09, 2015 4:04 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Ruined blackhouse, one field east
Replies: 13
Views: 1323

Re: Ruined blackhouse, one field east

Quite like scene here, Seth, not too sure of your simile though of belt high walls and highland cow, appreciated the play on 'low'.
regards, c.
by cynwulf
Mon Nov 09, 2015 3:56 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Voodoo Lilly
Replies: 5
Views: 864

Re: Voodoo Lilly

Enjoyed reading this. Two nits-I'm weith mac do you need corpses and also cadavers. Typo-lilly shd be lily.
regards, c.
by cynwulf
Mon Nov 09, 2015 3:38 pm
Forum: Post-a-Translation
Topic: I do not think Marina Tsvetaeva
Replies: 4
Views: 5334

Re: I do not think Marina Tsvetaeva

I am grateful for your comments, always good to get some feedback. I am sure you're right, David, about the danger of upgrading words. It's rare to get a one to one relation in meaning as there are different clouds of connotation around near synonyms between languages. the word I have translated lit...
by cynwulf
Mon Nov 02, 2015 3:18 pm
Forum: Post-a-Translation
Topic: I do not think Marina Tsvetaeva
Replies: 4
Views: 5334

I do not think Marina Tsvetaeva

The poem is untitled. Не думаю, не жалуюсь, не спорю. Не сплю. Не рвусь ни к солнцу, ни к луне, ни к морю, Ни к кораблю. Не чувствую, как в этих стенах жарко, Как зелено в саду. Давно желанного и жданного подарка Не жду. Не радует ни утро, ни трамвая Звенящий бег. Живу, не видя дня позабывая Число и...
by cynwulf
Sat Oct 31, 2015 10:25 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Folktale (rev2)
Replies: 10
Views: 1044

Re: Folktale (rev1)

I'm bemused by this one, mac. Flashes of something perhaps Robert Aickmanesque creep into my mind. I don't know who/what the teller of the tale is. Is this itself a folk tale or does it refer to some folk tale I am unaware of? The last 4 lines suggest to me the voice is a hawk's, but I still can't g...