Search found 1913 matches

by Firebird
Sat Apr 25, 2020 5:49 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Dandelion (V4)
Replies: 11
Views: 568

Dandelion (V4)

V5 No flower flatters as much when stretching out its petals. I’d love to do for you more than this morning sun. V4 No flower flatters as much when stretching out its petals. How envious am I of this morning sun. V3 No flower flatters as much when stretching out its petals. I’d love to do to you wha...
by Firebird
Tue Apr 21, 2020 4:16 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Promised Land (v4)
Replies: 29
Views: 1944

Re: The Promised Land

Overall I really like it. Of course that may be helped along by agreeing 100 percent with it. I think the first two stanzas read incredibly well, but then the rhythm of line five sounds slightly wrong for me. Line 6 is good. The second half of line 7 seems to fall a bit flat. Not sure why. And line ...
by Firebird
Sun Apr 19, 2020 7:52 am
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Streetcake
Replies: 8
Views: 1124

Re: Streetcake

Perry wrote:
Sat Apr 18, 2020 5:36 am
I've never seen so much experimental poetry in one place. I'm going to have to take a sedative.
That brought a smile to my face this morning. I can just imagine you needing a sedative after reading Streetcake Perry. Very funny.

Cheers,

Tristan
by Firebird
Sat Apr 18, 2020 1:18 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Thoughts near Oaken Bank Woods [rev 1 + nudges] (was Visitors)
Replies: 22
Views: 1537

Re: Visitors

Anyway! I hope some of this helps but I honestly thought the progression and theme were clear. Just goes to show. The progression is clear JJ, (except for the final stanza) but not enough to add up to more than an observation about birds (I wanted more after following the progression for four stanz...
by Firebird
Sat Apr 18, 2020 11:16 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Thoughts near Oaken Bank Woods [rev 1 + nudges] (was Visitors)
Replies: 22
Views: 1537

Re: Visitors

Hi JJ, This isn’t really working for me, I afraid. I like the stanzas in isolation (especially s3), but at present they don’t seem to add up to a great deal at the moment. I know there is an attempt to try to tie the poem up in relation to bird flu in s5, but it doesn’t really work at present for me...
by Firebird
Sat Apr 18, 2020 9:15 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Goodwill (Was: ‘What was lost’) V2
Replies: 11
Views: 500

Re: Goodwill (Was: ‘What was lost’) V2

JJWilliamson wrote:
Sat Apr 18, 2020 9:08 am
Ha, ha! I really did mean to put a smiley after that line. I was just kidding. :)

JJ
Words said in jest and all that.

This piece does seem to have gone down in universal flames - maybe flames is a bit too good.

Cheers,

Tristan
by Firebird
Sat Apr 18, 2020 9:04 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Goodwill (Was: ‘What was lost’) V2
Replies: 11
Views: 500

Re: Goodwill (Was: ‘What was lost’) V2

Hi JJ, Thanks for the read. An interesting piece, Tristan, but the premise seems to get a bit lost, at least it does for me. It's as if you're trying to cram too much into a small space. This leaves me going back and forth as I try to establish the theme. The progression is ok but I had to work hard...
by Firebird
Sat Apr 18, 2020 8:39 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Goodwill (Was: ‘What was lost’) V2
Replies: 11
Views: 500

Re: Goodwill (Was: ‘What was lost’) V2

Hi Perry, Pleased you had a go at reading this poem. I personally don’t think the progression is that hard to follow, but I would say that wouldn’t I? :D . I understand if it’s not your ‘type’ of poem. We all have our own individual preferences in poetry, which is good thing. Thanks for reading. Che...
by Firebird
Fri Apr 17, 2020 9:28 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Goodwill (Was: ‘What was lost’) V2
Replies: 11
Views: 500

Re: Goodwill (Was: ‘What was lost’) V2

Hi Trev,

Always good to have another viewpoint. I’ve removed ‘mostly’ as you suggested. Pleased to liked the title.

Cheers,

Tristan
by Firebird
Fri Apr 17, 2020 7:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Adult Play
Replies: 8
Views: 412

Re: Adult Play

Hi Trev, I can sympathise with the topic of this poem, as I know exactly how it feels to be the parent of a queen baby. I think the poem handles the topic quite well, but also agree with most of what Not says. I thought I’d point out what a great phrase ‘stuttered applause’ is. Please don’t get rid ...
by Firebird
Fri Apr 17, 2020 4:51 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Goodwill (Was: ‘What was lost’) V2
Replies: 11
Views: 500

Re: On the Turn (Prose-poem)

Hi Not, Thanks for the help. I’m not sure the link does need making more been the milk and the workers before the end. I like that it is tangential until the end. Tracing the link back after the end, the reader is left to interpret in their own way. However, I did think the milk might work well as a...
by Firebird
Fri Apr 17, 2020 2:54 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Goodwill (Was: ‘What was lost’) V2
Replies: 11
Views: 500

Goodwill (Was: ‘What was lost’) V2

V2 The office was almost empty from the strike, but the milk continued to be delivered. The managers, not wanting the milk to go to waste, wrote on the oldest bottles, PLEASE USE FIRST, for when the workers returned. But as the strike went on, it was as if for them, the workers were there, refusing ...
by Firebird
Fri Apr 17, 2020 7:57 am
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Streetcake
Replies: 8
Views: 1124

Re: Streetcake

Many, many congrats Mac and Seth! I love Seth’s ‘Soc al d stance’. He’s developing a series of these missing ‘I’ poems, I think. I read another one somewhere recently. Mac, I remember this one, or at least a poem that shared a few lines with this one. It’s changed considerably. Really enjoyed. I’m g...
by Firebird
Wed Apr 15, 2020 8:00 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Pinoakyo
Replies: 8
Views: 711

Re: Pinoakyo

Hi Not, I’ve read this poem many times now, and like Mac I’m picking up on the invective but not much more, and I’ve followed the link you provided for Mac. I’m not keen on the way the poem starts. That first line is such a cliche and didn’t engage me as a reader. Is some of this poem meant to be sp...
by Firebird
Tue Apr 14, 2020 10:19 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Warmth
Replies: 8
Views: 579

Re: Warmth

The only warmth in my life right now comes from a heating pipe. It is a sad measure of my age that I prefer it that way. Hi Perry, I love this opening stanza. It has something of Larkin about it. But I’m afraid, what follows, for me, doesn’t live up to this start (the bar is set far too high). If y...
by Firebird
Mon Apr 13, 2020 8:32 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: 5am & Philosophical
Replies: 17
Views: 778

Re: 5am & Philosophical

Hi Perry, I think this is a fairly straightforward poem about trying to rock a baby to sleep in your arms while travelling. There does seem to be a little bit of a gap between the first and second stanza, which may hinder understanding/flow a little. I can’t parse stanza one either. There maybe an ‘...
by Firebird
Sun Apr 12, 2020 8:33 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: 5am & Philosophical
Replies: 17
Views: 778

Re: 5am & Philosophical

Hi Trev, I really like it, and especially this line let it take your weight. I know what you mean about the end. It’s not quite there yet. Maybe it could be something like this. In the morning, we’ll be washed ashore on a street in Tarragona. Or maybe not. In stanza 3, I don’t think ‘so’ should be o...
by Firebird
Sun Apr 12, 2020 8:21 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: An exchange
Replies: 9
Views: 604

Re: Feeding the Crows

Hi Tony, I really like the irony at the end of this poem. It works very well, indeed. I wouldn’t worry too much about sticking to the 5/7/5 haiku form, as amongst most serious haiku practitioner who write in English at present it is considered trite and a misrepresentation of what haiku should trans...
by Firebird
Sun Apr 12, 2020 8:33 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Search (some improvements)
Replies: 10
Views: 997

Re: The Search (some improvements)

Regarding your writing, I've noticed that writers who are prolific may end up writing many amateurish poems, but then a small percentage will rise to a level of excellence, and it is on those poems that they establish their reputation. Millay was like that -- the bulk of her poems are not very good...
by Firebird
Sat Apr 11, 2020 1:12 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: I’ll never be that girl again
Replies: 1
Views: 210

Re: I’ll never be that girl again

Welcome Samantha to PG. I’d like to highlight that poets who are new to the forum are expected to post two comments on other poems before they post a poem of their own. I’m going to freeze your poems, so that they can’t be commented on at present. As soon as I see that you have commented on two othe...
by Firebird
Sat Apr 11, 2020 12:57 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Search (some improvements)
Replies: 10
Views: 997

Re: The Search (some improvements)

Hi Perry, Rhina Espaillat is setting the bar very high. But there’s no problem in that, I suppose. It’s good to have a target. Are you saying that you can get this poem into rhyming tercets? If so, you should post it. It would be interesting to see, although I do like it as it is. I’ve just started ...
by Firebird
Fri Apr 10, 2020 10:25 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Adios
Replies: 15
Views: 809

Re: Adios

Hi Trev,

I really like the first two stanzas as David has them, but still think the poem looses engagement and a certain flow at the stanza that start with ‘In Tarragona’.

Hope this helps.

Cheers,

Tristan
by Firebird
Fri Apr 10, 2020 10:17 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Search (some improvements)
Replies: 10
Views: 997

Re: The Search (some improvements)

Hi Perry, I like the two changes you’ve made to this poem (I’ve highlighted them below). I think they are both improvements. Still liking the poem a lot. Cheers, Tristan Subtitle: Her name was Motley Slight improvements: From a stray cat’s litter in a courtyard I adopted a kitten a month too soon; i...
by Firebird
Mon Apr 06, 2020 6:01 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: In Isolation (v6?)
Replies: 24
Views: 1304

Re: In Isolation (v6?)

I like V4 & V6. It’s interesting because I think one of the things this poem shows is how different the poetic tastes are on PG, which is one of the strengths of the forum. I think I could have predicted David’s choice, but not Mac’s. Interesting. As I said, I like v1, but I think this type of poem ...
by Firebird
Sun Apr 05, 2020 5:27 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: In Isolation (v6?)
Replies: 24
Views: 1304

Re: In Isolation (v4)

How sweet is the sound of the lark. You wouldn't put a question mark there, because it's pretty obvious that it's a statement, not a question. I think the same argument applies here. Yes, and it’s exactly that kind of archaic and now over-poetic diction that I think is so inappropriate here. If the...