Search found 1917 matches

by Firebird
Wed Jul 22, 2020 8:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Childish iv - Porkies
Replies: 4
Views: 786

Re: Childish iv - Porkies

. And I think the final stanza should be Wee Wee Wee - I think it works better that way: pretending to cry, when gobbling up the NHS. Would Wee Hee Hee work? It’s better, but I still prefer Wee Wee Wee. It would nice if each stanza were in some way a type of lie. I thought they were (in some way) :...
by Firebird
Wed Jul 22, 2020 8:06 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Childish
Replies: 10
Views: 1121

Re: Childish

Hi Not,

I‘m not sure I agree about that last line. I quite like it, and it also keeps the poem to three syllables a line.

Cheers,

Tristan
by Firebird
Wed Jul 22, 2020 1:08 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Childish iv - Porkies
Replies: 4
Views: 786

Re: Childish iv

You should call it ‘Porkies’ :D. I’m not sure what the first stanza refers to, though I understand what it’s getting at. And I think the final stanza should be Wee Wee Wee - I think it works better that way: pretending to cry, when gobbling up the NHS. It would nice if each stanza were in some way a...
by Firebird
Wed Jul 22, 2020 12:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Questions
Replies: 9
Views: 944

Re: Questions

Hi Jackie, I think the ending is fine meaning-wise. However, I agree with Not about the repetition of ‘ask’ in the final three lines. I also don’t think ‘gap shelves’ works. As there is no punctuation in the poem, I don’t think it needs question marks. I like the symmetry between the second and penu...
by Firebird
Tue Jul 21, 2020 8:06 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Childish
Replies: 10
Views: 1121

Re: Childish

Hi Not, I like the implication/irony that Spaffer (Johnson) is morally blind. Maybe shorten it to something like Checking your eyesight during lockdown Can you see the problem? Spaffer: ‘No’. . Eye Test Driving on a public highway, during lockdown, to check your vision. Can you see the problem? Spaf...
by Firebird
Mon Jul 20, 2020 10:32 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: David, Seth & Myself all in Snakeskin
Replies: 5
Views: 818

Re: David, Seth & Myself all in Snakeskin

Hi Seth,

If you are like Santa, wouldn’t that imply you should leave a few gifts (poems) when you visit?

Cheers,

Tristan
by Firebird
Mon Jul 20, 2020 8:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Childish
Replies: 10
Views: 1121

Re: Childish

Hi Not, I enjoyed them all, although 2 and 3 were my favourites, but only because I had to research 1 a little. I think they work well together. Some remarks below. . Childish i. Water Cannon, Garden Bridge never used, never built. Where did all the money go? Don't ask Spaffer. (Yes, spunked up the ...
by Firebird
Wed Jul 15, 2020 8:12 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Track and Trace
Replies: 2
Views: 590

Re: Track and Trace

Hi Not, I fully agree with the sentiment of this poem, but don’t think it’s quite there yet. Maybe something like this or parts of this might help. A mutant strain of Old School Tie-itis is replicating across Whitehall. It’s understood this Crony-virus transmits through breath and blood, infecting T...
by Firebird
Wed Jul 15, 2020 7:38 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Fourteen Months of Photos
Replies: 6
Views: 893

Re: Fourteen Months of Photos

Hi Trev, I like the first three stanzas, but really not sure about the rest. I agree with Mac: I think the poem should end on ‘the day you were born’. The final line doesn’t work for me. Some specific comments below. To think of how your inky eyes ( like ‘inky eyes’) unclouded to allow confessions o...
by Firebird
Wed Jul 15, 2020 2:41 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Slap (revised)
Replies: 8
Views: 732

Re: The Slap (revised)

Hi Mac, I like it. For me, most of it works nicely. I especially like ‘sulky slide’, ‘clobbering guilt‘ and ‘bake your kindness cage’. I think that last phrase describes that feeling very well. I think many of us were smacked/slapped, who were children in the 70s. It was a different time, and social...
by Firebird
Mon Jul 13, 2020 10:09 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Our Midnight Mahatma
Replies: 4
Views: 744

Re: Our Midnight Mahatma

Hi Lotus,

I too really like the second stanza too. I have to say that the ‘mere’ stood out for me too, but not in a negative way. I like the constraint. The more I think about that first stanza and the ‘comparison‘ the better it gets.

It’s a compelling poem.

Cheers,

Tristan
by Firebird
Mon Jul 13, 2020 9:41 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Identity Politics
Replies: 7
Views: 897

Re: Identity Politics

Hi Trev, Much appreciate your comments and pleased you like parts of the poem and the way it concludes. I can see the merits of getting rid of the ‘I’ in the first line, which I may well do, and getting rid of stanza three. I’m not sure I will get rid of s3 though as it gives a different direction t...
by Firebird
Sun Jul 12, 2020 11:10 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Identity Politics
Replies: 7
Views: 897

Re: Identity Politics

Hi Lotus, Really pleased you like it. I like your suggestion for the ending Very much and may well use it. Many thanks! Cheers, Tristan Hi Not, I think you may be right about the ending not quite being there yet. Your two penn'orth is a very different poem to mine, though there are parts I like :D ....
by Firebird
Sat Jul 11, 2020 4:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Identity Politics
Replies: 7
Views: 897

Identity Politics

I like the idea  that we’re all free on the periphery. But there are still competing gravities: I have sex  with the same sex;  have black skin;  have two X chromosomes. Some find it easier to fit in because they don’t. Unlike those whose names stutter inside their heads, and feel a dizziness  when ...
by Firebird
Thu Jul 09, 2020 9:19 am
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Poetry In Public (1)
Replies: 4
Views: 800

Re: Poetry In Public (1)

Many congrats Mac. I like this poem.

This is a new journal for me; it looks an interesting one.

Cheers,

Tristan
by Firebird
Thu Jul 09, 2020 9:16 am
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Larkin
Replies: 1
Views: 693

Re: Larkin

Hi Mac,

It’s a lovely quote. I’m going to read the article now.

Thanks for posting.

Cheers,

Tristan
by Firebird
Thu Jul 09, 2020 9:08 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Audition (revision)
Replies: 6
Views: 814

Re: The Audition

Hi Mac, Obviously, the tasteless implication of gaudy is a subjective judgement/matter, which in this context some may find a little snobbish - I do not though. I like the sonic thread it has with bawdy. Not sure about ‘thing’ in the first line, but it does fit the tone and gives you that ‘thing’/‘i...
by Firebird
Fri Jul 03, 2020 6:14 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Man About Town v2
Replies: 12
Views: 1103

Re: Man About Town

I enjoyed your tribute to Boris and especially that first stanza. Not sure I get the ending. (Just got it. Think I was reaching for something more difficult. Still, it’s a nice ending.) Some specific comments below. . Man About Town As if a soufflé collapsed then put on a suit but couldn't quite get...
by Firebird
Fri Jul 03, 2020 6:00 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Poetry Kit, again
Replies: 3
Views: 698

Re: Poetry Kit, again

Many congrats Not. Enjoyed the poem and the title.

Cheers,

Tristan
by Firebird
Fri Jul 03, 2020 5:59 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Bauddha60 in Snakeskin
Replies: 1
Views: 516

Re: Bauddha60 in Snakeskin

Many congratulations Louis on your publication in Snakeskin. I enjoyed both poems, but unfortunately somehow missed them on our board. Good to have you posting on PG.

Cheers,

Tristan
by Firebird
Wed Jul 01, 2020 6:51 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: David, Seth & Myself all in Snakeskin
Replies: 5
Views: 818

Re: David, Seth & Myself all in Snakeskin

Thanks Mac. I fear we may have lost Seth, but David is still around Moderating when needs be. I agree, Annie’s poems are excellent. I think Happenstance is pushing her forward into the limelight and rightly so. I bought her first pamphlet ‘Infinite In All Perfections’ and really liked it, but think ...
by Firebird
Wed Jul 01, 2020 12:17 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: David, Seth & Myself all in Snakeskin
Replies: 5
Views: 818

David, Seth & Myself all in Snakeskin

Many congrats to Seth and David for their poems being published in this month’s edition of Snakeskin. I love all their poems, but especially David’s version of death and Seth ‘the undersigned’. It’s a Bonanza of brilliant shorts. Give it a read.

Cheers,

Tristan
by Firebird
Mon Jun 29, 2020 3:13 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Poetrykit
Replies: 6
Views: 833

Re: Poetrykit

Many congrats Mac on your latest contribution to the project. I like it and remember it being workshopped here not so long ago.

Cheers,

Tristan
by Firebird
Sun Jun 28, 2020 8:44 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: It ought to hurt
Replies: 3
Views: 511

Re: It ought to hurt

Welcome Amadis to PG. Great to see you posting. I like the idea of your poem, but think, at present, it is a little too abstract (hurts/truth/unpredictable) and would benefit from a little more concrete imagery to make it more engaging for the reader. (See below) Continue to play around with it and ...
by Firebird
Wed Jun 17, 2020 2:16 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Still
Replies: 10
Views: 293

Re: Still

Do oceans fill
the throats of our sins
or does wealth
buys it own
silence?

Just a suggestion.

I’m still thinking about the meaning, but I like the central image of throats/oceans/sins.

Cheers,

Tristan