Search found 1920 matches

by Firebird
Thu Aug 06, 2015 5:59 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Hare
Replies: 7
Views: 1224

The Hare

Up he sits
all prim and proper,
head twitching
this way and that.

A lesser character
might be seen
as startled
or even flustered.

But not he -
full of such composed necessity
chest proud,
and ears unbeaten.
by Firebird
Sat Jul 04, 2015 9:55 am
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Envoi/3
Replies: 9
Views: 1414

Re: Envoi/3

Seth, many congrats. As I'm sure you know, it's a quality magazine. Well done!

Tristan
by Firebird
Fri Jul 03, 2015 7:36 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Black Sheep Journal (1)
Replies: 9
Views: 1324

Re: Black Sheep Journal (1)

Yes, that's me there. Maybe I should say just there, as my poems are minute.

Best,

Tristan
by Firebird
Fri Jul 03, 2015 7:58 am
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Black Sheep Journal (1)
Replies: 9
Views: 1324

Re: Black Sheep Journal (1)

That's a lovely little poem Mac. I especially liked the closing line.

All my best,

Tristan
by Firebird
Thu Jul 02, 2015 10:36 am
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Antiphon and David Callin
Replies: 10
Views: 1587

Re: Antiphon and David Callin

Many congrats David. I'm sure you will continue the high standards that already exist there.

Best,

Tristan
by Firebird
Tue Jun 30, 2015 8:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Education (revision2)
Replies: 10
Views: 1161

Re: Education

For me, even though I think the poem doesn't work overall (by repeating the preposition + noun phrase/ + 'is where' structure in each stanza the poem starts to sound drab midway through, because IMHO some of the images/ideas are not strong enough to pull the repartition off) there are some stanzas a...
by Firebird
Tue Jun 30, 2015 7:28 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Not reading on
Replies: 20
Views: 2985

Re: Not reading on

I missed this one. It motors along and the turn in the final two lines is brilliant. So sad, too. My grandmother succumbed to Alzheimer's, and started to forget she'd fed her dog, until the poor thing was like a barrel. Tragic but with an element of comedy, too. Thank you for a very good read. Best,...
by Firebird
Tue Jun 30, 2015 7:21 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Art Nouveau
Replies: 10
Views: 1019

Re: Art Nouveau

I love the 'darkening maison' (Maison de l'Art Nouveau). Great irony. It's funny how time changes our relationship with art. Many thanks for sharing. It brought all sorts of thing to mind. I loved the line 'left you for mort on the shore of a smile'. I like the use of the phrase 'last whiplash' (a n...
by Firebird
Mon Jun 29, 2015 9:18 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: When Dad Cooks Dinner (revision 4)
Replies: 33
Views: 3163

Re: When Dad Cooks Dinner (revision 3)

I like 'mellow' but 'slowly' has crept back in, which I'm unfortunately still not keen on.

All my best,

Tristan
by Firebird
Mon Jun 29, 2015 9:09 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Occam all ye faithful
Replies: 16
Views: 1777

Re: Occam all ye faithful

Love pun in the title- works really well. And also like the overall poem, and that it can't be reduced to a simple explanation/principle.

Thanks for a thought provoking read.

Best,

Tristan
by Firebird
Sun Jun 28, 2015 9:09 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Group Therapy
Replies: 14
Views: 1616

Re: Group Therapy

Really like this. The rhymes definitely help the humour. It really made me chuckle.

Thanks for an entertaining read.

Best,

Tristan
by Firebird
Sun Jun 28, 2015 8:53 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Daydream of Words in their Sweetest Combination
Replies: 8
Views: 1117

Re: The Daydream of Words in their Sweetest Combination

Excellent poem! A very strong start and then I love the development of words being servants, and 'the scented sounds of wishes'. Excellent. One of the best poems I've read in my short time as a member here. Thanks for a great read. Tristan The voice takes him to a flowery valley, an idling of a day ...
by Firebird
Sun Jun 28, 2015 8:36 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Getting our passports stamped
Replies: 23
Views: 1771

Re: Getting our passports stamped

OK, so to explain... What I was hankering after was that people might see this as some sort of oppressed people (race, gender, religious, take your pick) arriving at a stage along their journey towards liberation where, although they are getting somewhere, it's difficult for them to take those fina...
by Firebird
Sun Jun 28, 2015 11:18 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Experiences
Replies: 5
Views: 879

Re: Experiences

I am sure the consensus is correct: it's back to the drawing board with this one. Many thanks all for commenting. Much appreciated! Tristan
by Firebird
Thu Jun 25, 2015 8:36 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Experiences
Replies: 5
Views: 879

Experiences

... and then there's the wood
that when you enter
all you can see
is a darkening,

but a little way in
and a chip of light
that as you go
become more numerous,
until they appear
in all directions.
by Firebird
Fri Jun 19, 2015 7:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Crushing and Uncrushing of Cotton Butterflies
Replies: 11
Views: 1374

Re: The Crushing and Uncrushing of Cotton Butterflies

I'd like to second macs edit. 'Seem' is rarely a good word in a poem. I think it reads so much better without 'it seems strange'.

All my best,

Tristan
by Firebird
Fri Jun 19, 2015 7:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: When Dad Cooks Dinner (revision 4)
Replies: 33
Views: 3163

Re: When Dad Cooks Dinner (revision 2)

JJ, I prefer 'in sober peace' to 'in arrant peace'. I feel the word 'arrant' is too forceful for this piece. Other than that though I really like the latest version.

All my best,

Tristan
by Firebird
Fri Jun 19, 2015 7:44 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Complex Nature of Literary and Other Endorphins
Replies: 3
Views: 577

Re: The Complex Nature of Literary and Other Endorphins

Nor am I, but I've only read it a couple of times. I'll come back to it tomorrow and try again.
by Firebird
Fri Jun 19, 2015 7:37 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Spring's Messenger
Replies: 13
Views: 1590

Re: Spring's Messenger

Your allusion to Hamlet by using the word 'interlocutor' is a beautiful idea and I think works well here, but the problem for me is that even though I have read Hamlet a number of times, I didn't pick up on it (this may only be me though). Maybe a little more of a hint is needed. All my best, Tristan
by Firebird
Fri Jun 19, 2015 6:09 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A Wound Up Crow
Replies: 9
Views: 1351

Re: A Wound Up Crow

Moth, really pleased you loved the images.

Ian, I'm glad you think the De Niro image works. It's always difficult to know without feedback.

Thanks both for reading and commenting.

Best,

Tristan
by Firebird
Fri Jun 19, 2015 6:02 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Parallel Lines
Replies: 10
Views: 1251

Re: Parallel Lines

David, pleased you like it.

Ian, I was wondering if this was strong enough to stand on its own. I'll see what I have that could go with it.

Many thanks to both of you for reading and commenting.

Best,

Tristan
by Firebird
Thu Jun 18, 2015 5:14 am
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Sein und Werden (1)
Replies: 7
Views: 2220

Re: Sein und Werden (1)

Loved tagliatelle day, the map, the purring rusty razor and the drunken sailor. Lots of really interesting themes and relations running through this poem. It's a great publication too, which I'd not had the pleasure of coming across until now.

Well done, indeed.

Best,

Tristan
by Firebird
Wed Jun 17, 2015 4:24 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Parallel Lines
Replies: 10
Views: 1251

Re: Parallel Lines

Thanks B, it's a much better line break than my own and allows the 'the' to be omitted without the loss of continuity. Your suggestion is much appreciated!

Best wishes,

Tristan
by Firebird
Wed Jun 17, 2015 4:56 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: When Dad Cooks Dinner (revision 4)
Replies: 33
Views: 3163

Re: When Dad Cooks Dinner (revision 1)

Morning JJ, Yes I'd picked up on the different rhymes and really like the butter, better, patter and pepper ones. The poem has many fine elements. I understand why you use 'softly' but think the yolk's softness/runniness/unctuousness (just a thought and know the meter doesn't quite fit, but what abo...
by Firebird
Tue Jun 16, 2015 9:48 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: When Dad Cooks Dinner (revision 4)
Replies: 33
Views: 3163

Re: When Dad Cooks Dinner (revision 1)

Hi JJ,

Still not totally convinced by 'softly seeping gold'. A possible alternative adjective would be 'oozing'. Not sure though if it has any advantages.

I know this probably isn't helping, but I really like the simplicity of just 'seeping gold'.

All my best,

Tristan