Search found 11632 matches

by David
Sat May 16, 2020 5:10 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: La Belle dame sans Merci
Replies: 8
Views: 1400

Re: La Belle dame sans Merci

So, Ton ... a variation on Keats' famous poem, and not a bad one, although some of the rhyming could be spruced up in places, and the line lengths really need to conform throughout. I'd like to read it again once you've attended to those points. I like the attempted modernisation.

Cheers

David
by David
Mon May 11, 2020 3:25 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Spring in the Hollow
Replies: 7
Views: 870

Re: Spring in the Hollow

Hi Suzanne. Nice to read you again. And the poem is very nice - the last 5 lines especially.

Hope you're well.

David
by David
Sun May 03, 2020 6:46 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The Promised Land (v4)
Replies: 29
Views: 2166

Re: The Promised Land (v4)

I like this one. I had my doubts about "wrawled", but I see it is a word. News to me, but I like learning new words. I like the Frost allusion - which I got - a lot. It's very apt, and gives the poem a very satisfying and surprising ending. I suspect Trump might well be exactly the sort of president...
by David
Sat May 02, 2020 5:13 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Once More, With Meaning
Replies: 9
Views: 1517

Re: Once More, With Meaning

Don't be honored, Jackie! It's only me! But I do like it. A lot.

Cheers

David
by David
Fri May 01, 2020 3:41 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: David, Ray & Myself all appearing in Snakeskin
Replies: 3
Views: 1484

Re: David, Ray & Myself all appearing in Snakeskin

So I see! Hurrah for us.

And I see I liked both of yours and Ray's when they were posted here. In fact I liked Ray's more than he did, if you follow the thread down.

And that is - or those are are - one (or three) of your best, I think, Tristan.

David
by David
Thu Apr 23, 2020 4:59 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Encounter.
Replies: 9
Views: 731

Re: Pink-Moon

Hi Tony. I think the image of the moonlight coming through the chink in the curtains like a silver coin into a slot is a great one. I suppose there is a problem in that it is the moonlight coming in but the moon itself that visibly resembles a coin, but the image still works for me. I don't mind the...
by David
Wed Apr 22, 2020 5:01 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Once More, With Meaning
Replies: 9
Views: 1517

Re: Once More, With Meaning

Really good, Jackie. It is - if I'm reading it correctly - a poem that is both about something (Scrabble, in this case) and also not about it (or about something else far larger,if you can imagine anything larger than Scrabble). And actually it works well, which is quite rare for such poems. If it's...
by David
Mon Apr 20, 2020 5:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Analgesia
Replies: 9
Views: 761

Re: Analgesia

Very good. I didn't have any problems with theatre in this context. The only thing I didn't get first time round was why we need permission to depart - which troubled Not too, I see - but I get it now.

Good stuff.

Cheer

David
by David
Fri Apr 17, 2020 4:36 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Streetcake
Replies: 8
Views: 1943

Re: Streetcake

Well done Mac. I don't much like most of what is usually in Streetcake - Seth knows this, and (I think) attributes it to my fuddyduddyness - but I like your poem. And his, which is typically playful and erudite.

Cheers

David
by David
Wed Apr 08, 2020 12:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Adios
Replies: 15
Views: 873

Re: Adios

And yep, I thought it probable does have a lot of fat, but wanted to see what's fattiest to others' eyes Well, I don't usually like to nip and tuck too much - or at all - in people's poems, as they have conceived them, but that reads like an open invitation in this case. So, here's what you're left...
by David
Mon Apr 06, 2020 4:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Reputation
Replies: 10
Views: 720

Re: Reputation

I've been reading lately how a lot of the appeal of Robert Frost is in the conversational quality of the poems, and I think it's true for you too. The walk is as important as the destination. I wouldn't advocate radical shortening here. And you're still getting the DT for Mrs Shelley. Now that is al...
by David
Mon Apr 06, 2020 3:37 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: In Isolation (v6?)
Replies: 24
Views: 1414

Re: In Isolation (v6?)

I like the first one. I know, unhelpful in the extreme.
by David
Sun Apr 05, 2020 4:48 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A Brief Word for Rooms
Replies: 13
Views: 948

Re: A Brief Word for Rooms

Hi Trevor, In a nutshell: I like it. But we can explore the nutshell in more detail. Hallway - I quite like the rather intrusive metaphor of "a ballerina hoisted at the hips", but does it seem out of register with the prevailing voice in this section? I don't see the applicability of Frank to the ut...
by David
Thu Apr 02, 2020 6:58 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Congrats David
Replies: 2
Views: 1556

Re: Congrats David

Tristan, Mac, thank you. It's nice that you take an interest in what goes on outside these hallowed halls.

Cheers chaps

David
by David
Sat Mar 28, 2020 7:39 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Ink Sweat and Tears (1)
Replies: 4
Views: 1153

Re: Ink Sweat and Tears (1)

Very good. Well done Mac.

Cheers

David
by David
Fri Mar 27, 2020 6:06 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Air-born
Replies: 12
Views: 1155

Re: Air-born

Hi Trevor. Nice poem. I very much like "the gusty physics / of flight". And the last three lines. But those are just the "in particulars". I enjoyed the whole thing. There is, perhaps, a bit too much of the "and then ..." about it. Actually, it occurs to me now that you could remove the anecdotal as...
by David
Thu Mar 26, 2020 4:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Mrs Shakespeare Plots (revision3)
Replies: 29
Views: 2751

Re: Mrs Shakespeare Schemes After Reading Will's Dark Lady Sonnets

. Hi mac. The title's doing a lot of work now, and maybe struggling under the strain? . Yes, I have to agree. I think the best thing you can do is somehow smuggle a dark lady reference into the closing couplet - or perhaps just anywhere in the poem. Otherwise your title risks becoming a synopsis. L...
by David
Wed Mar 25, 2020 4:45 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Self-Isolation - revised
Replies: 11
Views: 1333

Re: Self-Isolation - revised

I like the revision. The end is much improved, and I really like "and keep a distance from myself".

Cooee! I'm over here!

Cheers

David
by David
Tue Mar 24, 2020 5:07 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Mrs Shakespeare Plots (revision3)
Replies: 29
Views: 2751

Re: Mrs Shakespeare Plots

I didn't notice the reference to the sonnets. Haven't looked at them for a while. Certainly the closing couplet does seem quite like himself, so if that's all you, well done.
by David
Mon Mar 23, 2020 5:51 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Mrs Shakespeare Plots (revision3)
Replies: 29
Views: 2751

Re: Mrs Shakespeare Plots

Ah. Very good title change. I think what was going on was unguessable before - it was for me, at least. (I'm still not sure that the body - erk, n.p.i. - of the poem delivers what the title promises, but at least now the intention is clear.)

Cheers

David
by David
Sun Mar 22, 2020 8:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Brood Parasites (revision 3)
Replies: 12
Views: 1249

Re: Brood Parasites (revision 2)

It's all very 18th century, isn't it? Which is fine, if that's what you want. For me, it's my least favourite poetical century. Apart from Gray's Elegy, which is terrific, and the blessed relief of Blake towards its end, I'm not a big fan. But clearly it is what you want, and metrically - if very ov...
by David
Wed Mar 18, 2020 6:02 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Self-Isolation - revised
Replies: 11
Views: 1333

Re: Self-Isolation

I suppose we'll all, eventually, have a virus poem or two. This one works well at this stage of developments. I've been thinking of reading The Plague too. (First time for me.) When better?

Cheers

David
by David
Tue Mar 17, 2020 5:53 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Billions of stars (v3)
Replies: 16
Views: 1395

Re: Billions of stars (v3)

David, thanks for your continued interest. You are right, I’m not keen on the ‘inspirational’ tone of your suggestion. I agree. And, of what you have left, I think V2 is the best. It doesn't really convey very much in that form, but at least is not marred by the slightly unwieldy moralising of V3 a...
by David
Tue Mar 17, 2020 5:14 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Swell Mob
Replies: 5
Views: 611

Re: The Swell Mob

I thought it had the feel of a true story (as most of your poems do. I would say.)

Very good anyway.
by David
Mon Mar 16, 2020 7:26 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Billions of stars (v3)
Replies: 16
Views: 1395

Re: Billions of stars (v3)

I have some sympathy with Mac's point about the original version, although I'm not sure I'd describe the darkness as nefarious. I've never been particularly taken with the other side of the analogy - "The small successes drive us on, / make our lives more bearable ..." in V4 - but I like the paradox...