Search found 6129 matches

by twoleftfeet
Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:47 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: First Language V2
Replies: 28
Views: 2060

Re: First Language

Thank you,Mac - much appreciated. Hi Geoff, The original title caught my eye, but I presume you wanted to be more pointed or preferred not to repeat the phrase in the poem? Depends how you want to pitch the register for the poem. The original title played with the leaden 'clunked'. [quote} I now th...
by twoleftfeet
Sat Jul 06, 2019 11:52 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: First Language V2
Replies: 28
Views: 2060

Re: Lingua Prima

Thanks for the detailed crit, ¬ (and the heads-up on prima lingua/lingua prima) . Hi T. Enjoyable read, delightfully deceptive opening. 'Clunked' is just perfect. A few nits, but all minor. S1. 'birds' - given this is better used in S6, is there an alternative? Having trouble not reading 'moga-stare...
by twoleftfeet
Thu Jul 04, 2019 10:01 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Notes
Replies: 11
Views: 848

Re: Notes

Hi James, In the interests of balance,following Poet's comment,and bearing in mind what Jules said about the titles you could actually have Notes to self 1. The Masochist between unclipped finger nails-- until the zipper-thrill of sheer pain cleans each sinus, and your high cry bursts like a blister...
by twoleftfeet
Thu Jul 04, 2019 9:49 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Old Hippy V7
Replies: 24
Views: 2045

Re: Old Hippy V7

Jules, That is an absolutely brilliant reading that brings the rhythms of the poem to life,and it is so artfully staged too! Of course - for a bit more authenticity - you could have done with some joss sticks,a small statue of Buddha on the shelf ,and an old Japanese acoustic guitar (ideally with a ...
by twoleftfeet
Thu Jul 04, 2019 9:10 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The submerged cathedral
Replies: 26
Views: 1691

Re: The submerged cathedral

I notice that although the poem is rhymed, it doesn't end on a rhyme, as "croons" does not match any other line ending. My own view is that, in a rhymed poem, the most important line to be rhymed is the final line. A rhyme at the end gives the poem a pleasing finality. Perry, How do Americans prono...
by twoleftfeet
Wed Jul 03, 2019 1:11 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Notes
Replies: 11
Views: 848

Re: Notes

'Your' in the poem I had hoped to work like the existential 'you' referring to the subject and all his or her kin in the masochist version and with poetic licence to only the masochist in the sadist's. Maybe that is to big an ask. To be honest it is the 'until' that bothers me. Regards James, I was...
by twoleftfeet
Wed Jul 03, 2019 11:42 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: History Speaks for Me (was TWEET...) v4
Replies: 15
Views: 1460

Re: TWEET! TWEET! RE-TWEET

Hello,RC I think the bird/worm/burger verses are brilliant,showing how Trump grasshoppers from one random thought to the next yet there's an insane continuity to what you have written. After that it kind of reads like a bit of a list of bullet-points until the final verse.They are funny but that ins...
by twoleftfeet
Tue Jul 02, 2019 2:47 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Notes
Replies: 11
Views: 848

Re: Notes

Hello,James, I like it a lot,both as a poem and a joke. :) I'm wondering if there's a special significance to "cleans",because,if not,"clears" would give you "sheer/clears"? The questions is: In the masochist''s version are there,in fact,two cries to be heard,or is the victim gagged? :roll: TLF
by twoleftfeet
Tue Jul 02, 2019 1:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: First Language V2
Replies: 28
Views: 2060

First Language V2

First Language ..v2 ++++++++++++ As I clunked the window open wingbeats thrummed the summer air the thwarted moggy in the yard enthralled me in his mesmer-stare, a tabby mini-tiger glare, and pretty soon it came to me: if i were only 1 foot 3 he'd surely have me for his tea. Slinky feline thoughts a...
by twoleftfeet
Sun Jun 30, 2019 9:07 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Wire and the Tree
Replies: 29
Views: 1788

Re: The Wire and the Tree

barrett and twoleftfeet, thank you for your feedback. For whatever it is worth, I have tried to find ways to remove the comment in the poem that you don't like, but that moment of anger/sourness/hotheadedness contributes something valuable to the poem which I don't want to lose. I could soften that...
by twoleftfeet
Sun Jun 30, 2019 7:47 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The submerged cathedral
Replies: 26
Views: 1691

Re: The submerged cathedral

Hello,Leaf It (the poem) is charming and musical (which, I suppose, strictly speaking, the music piece is too – although it’s a very different music). And skilfully rhymed and rhythmed too, which I am coming to recognise is a hallmark of your work. Well said,David! Next time,Leaf,why don't you choos...
by twoleftfeet
Sun Jun 30, 2019 7:13 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: 6 Minute Football
Replies: 3
Views: 570

Re: 6 Minute Football

Hello,Namyh Not much to add,really. I agree with NQS about the repetition of "brutes". He also mentions "touchdown goal" which I assume,like him,to be the same as "a touchdown". Could you use "touchdown line" (and change the rhyme,of course)? It would sound more natural,imho. If you can,I would avoi...
by twoleftfeet
Sun Jun 30, 2019 11:00 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Wire and the Tree
Replies: 29
Views: 1788

Re: The Wire and the Tree

As sweeping generalisations go,that was quite some achievement,Perry.

I'll leave it there as I've no interest in bringing politics into this discussion.
I've made my comments and suggestions and I've read your justifications - it's your poem so do as you see fit.
by twoleftfeet
Sat Jun 29, 2019 10:16 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Wire and the Tree
Replies: 29
Views: 1788

Re: The Wire and the Tree

But the city did worse than that: It showed me
who I am, for I no longer love my tree.


- If I'm reading that right,then this would be a conclusion that gels better with the general vibe I was getting.
It's not one that I can empathise with,though (not that it should matter..)

Geoff.
by twoleftfeet
Sat Jun 29, 2019 9:24 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Wire and the Tree
Replies: 29
Views: 1788

Re: The Wire and the Tree

Hello,Perry A brief,but honest opinion: I agree pretty much with Mac's views,especially wrt "elitism:I expect that at least one of the men working on the tree was a qualified tree surgeon. I'd suggest dropping "sweaty", and the line following it. I would also ask the question: would you have sympath...
by twoleftfeet
Sat Jun 29, 2019 11:54 am
Forum: Music and Song Lyric Discussion
Topic: Samsara
Replies: 1
Views: 1296

Re: Samsara

Amazing! (and that itself is amazing coming from someone with my moniker,who hates dancing because he can't dance)

The first 90 seconds was like "evolution of the primates"!
by twoleftfeet
Sat Jun 29, 2019 9:58 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Sapper
Replies: 18
Views: 1368

Re: Sapper

"Sweated"? - howzabout "exercised" for a pun,instead? Geoff :lol: Actually I'm tempted by that one... puns should be terrible :D cheers mac Have I ever let you down? :) Actually both "sweated" and "exercised" suggest,to me, a sense of "getting your own back/see how you like it". Geoff
by twoleftfeet
Fri Jun 28, 2019 4:24 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Lady Katherine Ponders the Possibilities
Replies: 4
Views: 595

Re: Lady Katherine Ponders the Possibilities

Hello,RC ..although I wonder also about logic wrenching (logic-wrenching?) devices. I wondered about that,too. My suggestion would be to have "logic-twisting devices" with a "...a wrench away from reality" to match the tool (wrench) to "device" and retaining your word-plays. I'm having fun imagining...
by twoleftfeet
Thu Jun 27, 2019 7:49 am
Forum: Audio Feature
Topic: Arousing Variations
Replies: 6
Views: 1921

Re: Arousing Variations

RC,
I did try open "C" tuning once - I broke the "B" string tuning it up to "C". True! :lol:
by twoleftfeet
Wed Jun 26, 2019 12:02 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Vanquished
Replies: 14
Views: 1055

Re: The Vanquished

Hello,Perry. I must admit that I empathise with this poem. In an ideal world, I guess the last line would see the tree "dying" as opposed to "dead",but that's your call. I didn't mention that I posted this poem on another forum once. There was a formalist poet on that forum who objected to my starti...
by twoleftfeet
Wed Jun 26, 2019 11:33 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Sapper
Replies: 18
Views: 1368

Re: Sapper

Mac, Yes,as has been said,another little gem. I'm glad you changed the title - it adds clarity to "unnerved" and "pride of poppies".A few years back,I used the simile "like a soldier on point" and was surprised when someone said they'd never heard of it - my mistake for assuming that everyone has re...
by twoleftfeet
Wed Jun 26, 2019 10:15 am
Forum: Audio Feature
Topic: Arousing Variations
Replies: 6
Views: 1921

Re: Arousing Variations

mac and TLF - I guess the audio does work - I can't access it myself - don' unnerstan'. Direct(?) links aren't working at the moment,RC. We're having to copy the URL into the address bar. NB If you post a YOUTUBE link, a direct link IS created if you change //https to //http. It's in Open C tuning ...
by twoleftfeet
Fri Jun 21, 2019 11:01 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Walking Football 2nd version
Replies: 10
Views: 1119

Re: Walking Football 2nd version

Ray, NQS has some interesting ideas to consider. I definitely like the idea of "bounce back( from)" instead of "return (from)". (Remember Ian Downie and his neologism -bouncebackabilty"?) wrt the new lines: We are a pack of Peter Pans, Lost Boys battling against the clock and the dreaded Hook. - it'...
by twoleftfeet
Wed Jun 19, 2019 10:03 pm
Forum: Any Other Business
Topic: Crap joke for the day.
Replies: 93
Views: 52049

Re: Crap joke for the day.

==================================================================================================== Most people know that Charles Dickens' novels were published widely in serial format via various national publications. It seems, however, that "A Tale of Two Cities" was released only through two re...
by twoleftfeet
Wed Jun 19, 2019 11:28 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Strand Street
Replies: 18
Views: 1722

Re: Strand Street

Ah, the Maypole. It was just a little supermarket, wasn't it? Became Liptons, as I remember. I just asked my brother about it (he's 5 years younger than me). He said it was a little supermarket/deli and told me what street it was on. I don't remember it at all.. As you say I'm of an uncertain age. ...