Search found 6129 matches

by twoleftfeet
Mon Jul 15, 2019 7:51 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Interplanetary Love (revision 5)
Replies: 33
Views: 3314

Re: Interplanetary Love (revision 4)

Just a thought,JJ

Instead of -
If love equated to distance

how about
If distance were no object to love ?

Regards
Geoff
by twoleftfeet
Sun Jul 14, 2019 8:16 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Gay Pride
Replies: 15
Views: 1292

Re: Gay Pride

Hello,Perry

I agree with David - the closing line is very good.
S3 is too restrained for me.

In S1,is "sterile" the right word? It's normally associated in men with a biological inability to produce sperm.

Cheers
Geoff
by twoleftfeet
Sun Jul 14, 2019 12:29 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Community Gardening At St Peter's (revision)
Replies: 23
Views: 1533

Re: Community Gardening At St Peter's (revision)

She's hoeing not pruning. Deadheading encourages growth . Hello again,Mac Tbh,I didn't get "deadheading" out of that line.I took "uproots" literally - ripping the whole plant out. As a metaphor I interpreted it as the woman preferring "bad boys" to "nice guys",and maybe that she had mental heath is...
by twoleftfeet
Sun Jul 14, 2019 10:40 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Serendipity-doodah
Replies: 21
Views: 1848

Re: Serendipity-doodah

David, If you have written a better poem than this then I must have missed it! From perfect title through to perfect ending,and all in one sentence. It makes me feel bad to actually make a suggestion,but - just my opinion - "consented" implies that you asked,while "unlooked-for" seems to imply the o...
by twoleftfeet
Sat Jul 13, 2019 8:01 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Pub's Boot Room (final revision )
Replies: 31
Views: 2472

Re: The Pub's Boot Room (revised)

A very entertaining read,JJ. Lots of detail and faultless rhyming. Obviously the subject means a lot to you;the affection for the land,the walks - and the pub - shines through clearly. I must confess that,as a townie,I had to gooogle HERDWICK. In fact I anticipated from the title that the poem would...
by twoleftfeet
Fri Jul 12, 2019 2:03 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Community Gardening At St Peter's (revision)
Replies: 23
Views: 1533

Re: Community Gardening At St Peter's (revision)

Mac, I prefer the new version. Changing "cloth's" to "tailored" and "convent" to "vicar's" removes the non-existent connection that I was making to "friars". :) Is St Peter's somewhere in Wales? If so it makes the use of Guinevere (Gwenhwyfar?) even more apt,to me. I'd say you've nailed it. Cheers G...
by twoleftfeet
Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:22 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Community Gardening At St Peter's (revision)
Replies: 23
Views: 1533

Re: Community Gardening At St Peter's (revision)

That film is just magnificent, isn't it? I think Guinevere is a better fit for the poem than Morgana. Here's the C,S&N song. First lines: Guinevere had green eyes Like yours, lady like yours She'd walk down Through the garden In the morning after it rained I can't believe I missed that - as it's on...
by twoleftfeet
Thu Jul 11, 2019 7:59 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Community Gardening At St Peter's (revision)
Replies: 23
Views: 1533

Re: Community Gardening At St Peter's

Much enjoyed,Mac "Gives life to weeds" - doesn't seem quite right to me,at least botanically. The buggers overwhelm the flowers on their own,they don't need any help :) Religious metaphor? If not,maybe "Grants life to weeds" Some Mr Thicky moments - "Strangers" is repeated twice so must be important...
by twoleftfeet
Thu Jul 11, 2019 12:22 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: To the Murderer of Edgar Garzon
Replies: 8
Views: 663

Re: To the Murderer of Edgar Garzon

Thank you, Geoff. Neither you nor Mac has said whether you like the poem overall, but I don't want to put words in your mouth. Like my poem "The Vanquished", I wrote the poem that I envisioned, but now I wonder if perhaps there wasn't a more subtle or sophisticated approach that I could have used. ...
by twoleftfeet
Thu Jul 11, 2019 10:58 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: MAGA RAKA fooka rooka (Oswald on Bass) was Shack-Kerouac
Replies: 15
Views: 1872

Re: Shack Kerouac

I agree with Mac,Jules
- more!

I probably had Rc's TWEET poem in my head when I misread line 4 as:

a junkety, spunkety, Trump-ety :)

Cheers
Geoff
by twoleftfeet
Thu Jul 11, 2019 10:36 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: To the Murderer of Edgar Garzon
Replies: 8
Views: 663

Re: To the Murderer of Edgar Garzon

Hi,Perry ..your link, now forged to the chain of sorrow leading back to Cain. -I like that. In S2 are there 2 different cloaks? It's unclear, to me. In S3 - The blood is drying; it will blow away. - On a purely physical level,is that accurate? No pause was noticed in the day that took one soul from ...
by twoleftfeet
Thu Jul 11, 2019 10:00 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: First Language V2
Replies: 28
Views: 2094

Re: First Language V2

Strangely I liked more the first draft (V1), more elliptical. The last verse " the prey limp in the hunter's jaws" remebered in some sense the Songs of Innocence and Experience of William Blake -- the verse separated from the other stanzas gives a feeling of cutting. Best Thanks,riverrun to be hone...
by twoleftfeet
Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:32 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Interplanetary Love (revision 5)
Replies: 33
Views: 3314

Re: Interplanetary Love (revision 3)

I like what you're trying to say, JJ, but I still don't think you're saying it. The first line is, again, very arresting, but sets up a conundrum that the next two lines don't solve. If distance was love ... It's arresting, but it doesn't give you a lot to play with. Distance and love are a forbidd...
by twoleftfeet
Tue Jul 09, 2019 9:52 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Interplanetary Love (revision 5)
Replies: 33
Views: 3314

Re: Interplanetary Love (revision 3)

Hello JJ, I like all 4. Shame to ditch any of them,imho. Could you not at least play around with them for a while by changing what distance is being compared to? ? If distance was a theory(?) >>> thought If distance was a sensation(?) >>> reach out and touch Is this too soppy? If distance was love I...
by twoleftfeet
Mon Jul 08, 2019 4:11 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: First Language V2
Replies: 28
Views: 2094

Re: First Language V2

Thanks for the positives,Mac. Re: S1 I know what you mean by "smooth" - but I've only changed "gard/en" to "yard/en" - it's the "en" appearing on the next line that is the problem,of course. I deliberately stymied the cat - I doubt if that is any clearer now. My first thought was to have "grateful w...
by twoleftfeet
Sun Jul 07, 2019 10:00 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: History Speaks for Me (was TWEET...) v4
Replies: 15
Views: 1515

Re: TWEET! TWEET! RE-TWEET (v2)

Hello,RC I would also be inclined to end on "WINNER". I'm laughing muchly,but he's the Leader of the Free World - so I ought to be crying! If Boris Johnson gets to be PM here, I expect him and DT to do a double act -"The Blonde Buffoon Brothers". Did you ever do one on George Dubyah? If so I'd like ...
by twoleftfeet
Sun Jul 07, 2019 9:13 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: First Language V2
Replies: 28
Views: 2094

Re: First Language

Macavity wrote:
Sun Jul 07, 2019 8:28 pm
feral?
Thanks,Mac
I've chickened out of that line altogether,and hoped the link between sounds/screams/words is now implied in the last stanza.

Revision posted.
by twoleftfeet
Sun Jul 07, 2019 2:38 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Dhoor
Replies: 7
Views: 647

Re: The Dhoor

I think the lines look a bit short, but at least they accentuate the rhyming. (But is that necessary? I wonder.) Hello,David I'm glad you are not sure about this yourself, as I was waiting to see what others would say. I'm probably in a minority of one,but I think the rhymes don't need accentuating...
by twoleftfeet
Sun Jul 07, 2019 1:04 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: First Language V2
Replies: 28
Views: 2094

Re: First Language

Thanks for coming back so quickly, ¬ I'm working on version 2. The scenario at the end still might not stand up to too much scrutiny,though. It's got an implied group of apes and I've uncoupled lunge and roar and the telegraph. Good suggestions for a humorous ending,but I'd like to keep the tone as ...
by twoleftfeet
Sun Jul 07, 2019 12:47 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: First Language V2
Replies: 28
Views: 2094

Re: First Language

I'm sorry that I don't have a critique, but there is too much of the poem that I don't understand. I think I know what you are getting at, but I'm not sure enough to take a stab at it. (I selected my avatar for times just like this.) I do like that you seem to have written it in meter and rhyme, al...
by twoleftfeet
Sun Jul 07, 2019 12:19 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: First Language V2
Replies: 28
Views: 2094

Re: First Language

Thanks for revisiting,Mac ancient tongue triggered thoughts of ancient civilizations ...the Greeks etc Damn&blast - I should have thought of that! There seems to be an expression "proto-speech" which describes exactly what I want,whereas "proto language" is a minefield of competing theories. I'm a l...
by twoleftfeet
Sun Jul 07, 2019 11:09 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: First Language V2
Replies: 28
Views: 2094

Re: First Language

Thanks for coming back,¬ sharpened eyes, sentinel ears I suppose "sentinelled" might work (I needed the hint of a verb),but leading on from that,I can go with "sharpened eyeballs,lookout ears" ! [/quote] Perhaps the issue is having 'language' in the title, when what you're describing hasn't develope...
by twoleftfeet
Sat Jul 06, 2019 1:12 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: First Language V2
Replies: 28
Views: 2094

Re: First Language

I wondered about “lunging roars” too – especially due to the potential reading of something to do with lungs – but I suppose it’s probably okay. Conveys the sense very neatly, anyway. Yes, it's strange that I'm perfectly OK with a comic (I hope) "sharpened eyes",yet "lunging roars" despite the visu...
by twoleftfeet
Sat Jul 06, 2019 1:01 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: First Language V2
Replies: 28
Views: 2094

Re: First Language

Maybe 'danger' singular 'yellowish' strikes me as a little off, maybe yellowing, yellowed or just yellow? Spelling of moga-stare . . . edges towards a long 'o' … retrospectively it seems ok, an appropriate shimmer of disconcertion, but maybe 'mogger-stare' might be an option. - I know when I'm beat...
by twoleftfeet
Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:49 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: First Language V2
Replies: 28
Views: 2094

Re: First Language

Poet wrote:
Wed Jul 03, 2019 10:41 pm
This is some beautiful work but I am left wondering was it all worth the wait reading and finding out that it was all the hunters jaws?
Poet,I genuinely don't understand what you are trying to say.