Search found 6129 matches

by twoleftfeet
Sun Aug 04, 2019 6:55 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Endless Summer
Replies: 15
Views: 1084

Re: Endless Summer

Hii again NQS, I like the 'time/line' pairing . Yeah,as you were - I didn't spot the half-rhyme! wrt the "heretics" lines, Although I can see your reasoning (at a stretch :) ),I think something like "our minutes" would help to differentiate the child's impression from that of the players.Just my opi...
by twoleftfeet
Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:29 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Contrary Head revisited
Replies: 10
Views: 1088

Re: Contrary Head revisited

David wrote:
Sat Aug 03, 2019 11:07 am
(Does anyone know how to do hyperlinks here now?)
I don't think it's possible,atm,David.
Maybe Nicola can fix it?
by twoleftfeet
Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:25 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Contrary Head revisited
Replies: 10
Views: 1088

Re: Contrary Head revisited

Hi,David Although I like the original,I have to say this new version gels perfectly with the title. I can just imagine it being read by the apologetic Mr Ronnie Corbett, with a huge pause after "Arthur", Or maybe Jon Pertwee (Worzel Gummidge) wearing his contrary head :) I'm not keen on "homophonic"...
by twoleftfeet
Sun Aug 04, 2019 12:51 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Preludes at 4 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 1081

Re: Preludes at 4 AM

Hi,RC

I'm assuming this is a song lyric?
I enjoyed the dream-like flow.

One or two lines seemed a bit long,
e.g "eros held us next to the kitchen bathtub."

but I expect it will sound fine when sung.
The only suggestion I can make is change "assault" to "stormed" in L1?

Nice one
TLF
by twoleftfeet
Sun Aug 04, 2019 12:31 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Endless Summer
Replies: 15
Views: 1084

Re: Endless Summer

Hello,NQS An interesting poem,deftly put together. Great title,btw! In S1 I particular like the double use of "whites" as dress/people. Maybe "adequate" instead of "fine" for the sonics in L3? L8 - the "heretics on a rack" - would be better if it was "torturers with a rack",imo - the subject is the ...
by twoleftfeet
Tue Jul 30, 2019 2:25 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: When Happy He Would Drool (v1b)
Replies: 31
Views: 2576

Re: When Happy He Would Drool

. When Happy He Would Drool The softest black and warm, by age unsighted and unsteady mind still wandering returned to me one morning, early in a bin-bag. Saturday brought the end of him a biker in his leathers monotone apologies leaving much as a cat might, this little death at my door. . Hello,NQ...
by twoleftfeet
Mon Jul 22, 2019 8:45 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Sincerly, Your Ex-Boyfriend (Some Swearing,)
Replies: 16
Views: 1510

Re: Sincerly, Your Ex-Boyfriend (Some Swearing,)

I think it's probably quite difficult to write an emotive poem like this - but it helps if the poet can provide suitable levels of vindictiveness,narcissism,anger and a a dash of misogyny. If he manages to throw in some impenetrably poor grammar - to accentuate the anger,of course - why,then I'm con...
by twoleftfeet
Sun Jul 21, 2019 6:57 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Start Here
Replies: 7
Views: 666

Re: Start Here

Hello,Jules Another "cool" poem - much entertained by it! 8) I can imagine Joni Mitchell in the background with her moog and the Burundi drummers,doing the backing for JUNGLE VINE. Perhaps find an alternative for "the beat begins", as you've got the "beguine" gag to follow? I wish geography lessons ...
by twoleftfeet
Sun Jul 21, 2019 10:10 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Flevoland - revised
Replies: 9
Views: 776

Re: Flevoland - revised

Hello,Ray

I prefer V2 but - since I don't understand either version - that's probably neither here nor there. :?

The last line seems to imply some sort of "tit-for-tat" action(s) taking place,but then that doesn't gel with "blank page",to me.

Cheers
Geoff
by twoleftfeet
Sat Jul 20, 2019 10:54 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: To an old Map-Book
Replies: 7
Views: 723

Re: To an old Map-Book

Thumbed thin from years of use, frayed at the edges, held together by sellotape, your spiral metal spine has slipped its discs, and become unstuck. Dark coffee stains are unmapped seas that cover whole neigbourhood's unaware, like that flooded village beneath a dam whose streets lie underwater. I h...
by twoleftfeet
Sat Jul 20, 2019 10:51 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Sun-Struck (decided on final version)
Replies: 11
Views: 1025

Re: Sun-Struck

Hello,Perry Like JJ, I very much like the last verse. However,you are doing the very thing that your poem's opening lines are complaining about. :) The sun has been written about too much by earnest poets I think that if you could gently mock everyone who wants the sun for themselves,then the gentle...
by twoleftfeet
Fri Jul 19, 2019 6:49 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Gannet (version 3)
Replies: 14
Views: 1296

Re: Gannet (edit)

Hello again,Luke It's a shame to lose these lines (much as I like Ray's edit) (of the silent wing) - beat of tide, receding, drawn into distant parabolas of flight, into the salt black: Could something like this work? I toe the sand. Inhale: the beat of tide, receding, drawn into distant parabolas o...
by twoleftfeet
Thu Jul 18, 2019 8:36 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Serendipity-doodah
Replies: 21
Views: 1818

Re: Serendipity-doodah

David wrote:
Thu Jul 18, 2019 6:06 pm
Oh Not, I don't think I want baskets. But thanks for the thought.
David,
Where do all burglars keep their swag? Yes indeed -
http://www.gardening-for-wildlife.com/pollen-sacs.html

Geoff
by twoleftfeet
Thu Jul 18, 2019 1:20 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Serendipity-doodah
Replies: 21
Views: 1818

Re: Serendipity-doodah

David wrote:
Wed Jul 17, 2019 6:49 pm
Mac, thanks. You are not the first to object to the title. It has been much derided elsewhere. On the other hand, Geoff and M. Barrett like it, so ...
David,
Ignore the naysayers, just watch at about 2m 8 secs :)



Geoff
by twoleftfeet
Wed Jul 17, 2019 7:12 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: (SHA 6) Move Along Now (v2)
Replies: 27
Views: 2180

Re: (SHA 6) Move Along

. Hi Geoff, think I may have found an etymological justification for 'boy' "Used slightingly of young men in Middle English, also in familiar or contemptuous use of criminal toughs or men in the armed services." Though it may be stretching things some :) . I'm not at all surprised,NQS - it makes pe...
by twoleftfeet
Wed Jul 17, 2019 4:57 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: First Language V2
Replies: 28
Views: 2060

Re: First Language V2

Thanks,JJ and Ray,for taking a look. This poem started out as a fun piece of what-iffery but it has disappeared up its own posterior:the logic is dodgy and the narrative is unclear. As I explained to NQS in a pm: I'm now trying to link proto-speech,which is a new but necessary addition ................
by twoleftfeet
Wed Jul 17, 2019 3:27 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A log for Bea
Replies: 13
Views: 1012

Re: A log for Bea

Hello,Leaf As has been said already,it's a touching poem. I'm not keen on the article-less construct here: "with sturdy trunk, while leafy reach created shade for bead-eyed mouse." -to me these lines are a bit "Beatrix Potter" in light of the subject matter. If you can "program round it",grammar-wis...
by twoleftfeet
Wed Jul 17, 2019 12:13 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: I Disagree
Replies: 6
Views: 552

Re: I Disagree

Thank you, Geoff. First of all, "colleague" is a much better word, and I probably would have come to it on my own, though it might have taken me a while. "Co-worker" was stuck in my mind because it's the term used in business, and I used to be in business. Thanks. I don't know why no one likes the ...
by twoleftfeet
Wed Jul 17, 2019 10:49 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: I Disagree
Replies: 6
Views: 552

Re: I Disagree

Hello,Perry I think most people will readily understand your poem: most of us are familiar with OBE and NDE accounts. Just my opinion,but I think there is too much "explanation" because of your assumption that clarification is needed. I think that,with just the lines in bold (and changing "co-worker...
by twoleftfeet
Wed Jul 17, 2019 9:57 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Gannet (version 3)
Replies: 14
Views: 1296

Re: Gannet

Hello,Luke I really enjoyed your poem. I especially like the geometry references and the way that you have tangentially (did you see what I did there?) inserted the earthbound poet into the bird's flight via the "caesura".mind you,I'd prefer it if that dusty old word could be replaced by something l...
by twoleftfeet
Tue Jul 16, 2019 10:25 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: (SHA 6) Move Along Now (v2)
Replies: 27
Views: 2180

Re: (SHA 6) Move Along

. Hi Geoff, thanks for returning and pleased that it's clearer. As to 'boy', I mainly wanted it for the comparison with 'Man' ... Still, any alternatives? Most of the ones I've looked at originate in the US, and I've no idea if they were used here during this period. The always popular N word would...
by twoleftfeet
Tue Jul 16, 2019 5:02 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: (SHA 6) Move Along Now (v2)
Replies: 27
Views: 2180

Re: (SHA 6) Move Along

(My N is a policeman denying a veteran the opportunity to march because of his colour - hopefully this is a bit more apparent in the revision.) Regards, ¬. Yes,it's clearer in the revision,NQS. I'm still not convinced about the use of the word "boy" by a working-class Brit,at least not in a racist ...
by twoleftfeet
Tue Jul 16, 2019 11:51 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Epistle to Ms Austen
Replies: 22
Views: 1724

Re: Epistle to Ms Austen

Hi,Mac

I admire the way that you've chained "solace" and "solicitude" together logically as well as in the structure of the poem.

Surely solitude allow muddled water to become clear,though? That's what Buddha reckons,anyway. :)

Regards
Geoff
by twoleftfeet
Tue Jul 16, 2019 10:57 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: (SHA 6) Move Along Now (v2)
Replies: 27
Views: 2180

Re: (SHA 6) Victory Parade

Hello,NQS No suggestions as to the actual text. I may be reading this all wrong,but to make it ring true I have to imagine the Prez or whoever talking about all people of colour, not just Afro-Americans - as you well know,the USA didn't enter WW1 until 1917. I think it would be better to set it in t...
by twoleftfeet
Tue Jul 16, 2019 10:22 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Flevoland - revised
Replies: 9
Views: 776

Re: Flevoland

Hell,Ray You've packed a lot into 6 lines! In L1 - I suppose that,up close, the rectangular sections of a windmill sail look like doors. And/or you may be comparing the sounds produced? unfathomable tidal scrawls - methinks Mark Twain would approve of this line. L3 - I'm not quite getting it. L5 - I...