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by Antcliff
Sun Nov 27, 2011 2:46 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The New Life
Replies: 14
Views: 1333

Re: The New Life

Hi
small point..
"weeping buckets" is a cliche and though you immediately peddle to get away from it - by introducing a pond o tears - I naturally wonder: why then mention the bucket at all? Why introduce a cliche if you are only going to peddle away from it at the first chance?
Ant
by Antcliff
Sun Nov 27, 2011 2:12 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Full Moon Phase, The Hunter or To the Full Moon on the Subje
Replies: 26
Views: 2542

Re: Full Moon Phase, The Hunter or To the Full Moon on the S

hi I was referring to the reference in the text itself. Generally I am not fond of references to literary figures in poems - unless poem is about them - belongs in index I say. To press the point (ever so gently) does it matter for the poem that the figure mentioned is Rilke? If not, why introduce a...
by Antcliff
Sat Nov 26, 2011 8:02 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Full Moon Phase, The Hunter or To the Full Moon on the Subje
Replies: 26
Views: 2542

Re: Full Moon Phase, The Hunter or To the Full Moon on the S

Hi
For me the poem is weakened slightly by the reference to Rilke. It is a stray literary reference that is slightly distracting.
by Antcliff
Sat Nov 26, 2011 7:21 pm
Forum: Hello, Good Evening and Welcome
Topic: New
Replies: 6
Views: 3467

New

Hi all

Ant
by Antcliff
Sat Nov 26, 2011 6:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Extreme physics (edited)
Replies: 19
Views: 1219

Re: Extreme physics (edited)

Though I do like the image of the ball on a pump....brings out the small boy in me. (Daring to make it explode.)
Ant
by Antcliff
Sat Nov 26, 2011 3:12 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Coriander
Replies: 15
Views: 1210

Re: Coriander

Hi
Last two lines weaken it I think..."in dreams" rather tips it over into bathos when that point had not been reached before..
Ant
by Antcliff
Sat Nov 26, 2011 3:03 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Extreme physics (edited)
Replies: 19
Views: 1219

Re: Extreme physics (edited)

Hi string vs. net. Don't see why the shift to a string bag is better. "String" hints at string theory - and so sounds a bit more "physicsy", but I am not sure why that would make the metaphor any more apt. It may be worse - because a reader might think you have something to do with string theory in ...