Search found 6035 matches

by Antcliff
Mon Nov 28, 2011 2:27 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Coin Operated
Replies: 16
Views: 790

Re: Coin Operated

Hi
I like "pound faced" moon..
Not sure about ending though...why were the angels short on joy before?
Ant
by Antcliff
Mon Nov 28, 2011 1:51 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Bus Driver in Rear-view Mirror
Replies: 23
Views: 1353

Re: Bus Driver in Rear-view Mirror

Hi (Gently) - from the viewpoint of a reader this is far more labour than it is worth and a tad self indulgent. The subject of your poem is a joyless soul reading things into lives of others. Okay. I assume the second stanza is intended as an expression of/example of the kind of laboured noodlings t...
by Antcliff
Mon Nov 28, 2011 12:25 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The New Life
Replies: 14
Views: 1213

Re: The New Life

Hi
I read on....
"egg, or eggs," more profound
than the river I'd just traversed."

Don't see the point of being ambigious here...an egg perhaps, or eggs....but "egg or eggs"? Was there such a fog of eggishness in the cabinet that you could not tell whether there was more than one?

Ant
by Antcliff
Sun Nov 27, 2011 2:46 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The New Life
Replies: 14
Views: 1213

Re: The New Life

Hi
small point..
"weeping buckets" is a cliche and though you immediately peddle to get away from it - by introducing a pond o tears - I naturally wonder: why then mention the bucket at all? Why introduce a cliche if you are only going to peddle away from it at the first chance?
Ant
by Antcliff
Sun Nov 27, 2011 2:12 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Full Moon Phase, The Hunter or To the Full Moon on the Subje
Replies: 26
Views: 2294

Re: Full Moon Phase, The Hunter or To the Full Moon on the S

hi I was referring to the reference in the text itself. Generally I am not fond of references to literary figures in poems - unless poem is about them - belongs in index I say. To press the point (ever so gently) does it matter for the poem that the figure mentioned is Rilke? If not, why introduce a...
by Antcliff
Sat Nov 26, 2011 8:02 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Full Moon Phase, The Hunter or To the Full Moon on the Subje
Replies: 26
Views: 2294

Re: Full Moon Phase, The Hunter or To the Full Moon on the S

Hi
For me the poem is weakened slightly by the reference to Rilke. It is a stray literary reference that is slightly distracting.
by Antcliff
Sat Nov 26, 2011 7:21 pm
Forum: Hello, Good Evening and Welcome
Topic: New
Replies: 6
Views: 3414

New

Hi all

Ant
by Antcliff
Sat Nov 26, 2011 6:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Extreme physics (edited)
Replies: 19
Views: 1076

Re: Extreme physics (edited)

Though I do like the image of the ball on a pump....brings out the small boy in me. (Daring to make it explode.)
Ant
by Antcliff
Sat Nov 26, 2011 3:12 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Coriander
Replies: 15
Views: 1044

Re: Coriander

Hi
Last two lines weaken it I think..."in dreams" rather tips it over into bathos when that point had not been reached before..
Ant
by Antcliff
Sat Nov 26, 2011 3:03 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Extreme physics (edited)
Replies: 19
Views: 1076

Re: Extreme physics (edited)

Hi string vs. net. Don't see why the shift to a string bag is better. "String" hints at string theory - and so sounds a bit more "physicsy", but I am not sure why that would make the metaphor any more apt. It may be worse - because a reader might think you have something to do with string theory in ...