Search found 1252 matches

by JohnLott
Sun Nov 13, 2011 8:44 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Red
Replies: 21
Views: 1438

Red

When does a woman wear red? When does she mean go, or go slow, perhaps stop no or you may come in; when does a green light mean don’t stay the night? When does a woman wear red on her expectant lips? When does she want you to brake or accelerate for that exploratory kiss? Your sharp hesitation; and ...
by JohnLott
Sun Nov 13, 2011 11:53 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A cry in the desert
Replies: 9
Views: 817

Re: A cry in the desert

More a proverb or a truism:
Confucius could have said........

8)

J.
by JohnLott
Sun Nov 13, 2011 10:38 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: An unexpected inheritance - V3
Replies: 25
Views: 2619

Re: Inheriting invisibility

I'll add my vote of confidence here.
It isn't tidy at the moment but it is a good idea that could fly (so to speak).
I feel you need to relate his bequest of a super power to you -the ability to swell with grief - to S3 more immediately because S2 intercedes somehow.

:)

J.
by JohnLott
Sun Nov 13, 2011 10:24 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: True heroes (edited)
Replies: 15
Views: 1110

Re: True heroes (edited)

Much tighter, more controlled Richard. You have come along way in three/four edits. You ask if you have left too much on the cutting room floor. Maybe, say I, because the sniper's bullet created drama and pathos. If treated differently it could quietly heighten the mood: so it could be put back with...
by JohnLott
Sun Nov 13, 2011 9:25 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Zenith 2 - an edit- click
Replies: 15
Views: 1160

Re: Zenith 2 - an edit

Hi Suzanne, If this is not metaphorical in any sense, and I thought it was because I didn't think you did 'literal', then I guess 'we are flat' is, as you say, a statement of fact. The fact there is a full stop there seperates it (for me) as a descriptor of leaves in the next sentence. I still don't...
by JohnLott
Sat Nov 12, 2011 6:42 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Houseproud
Replies: 19
Views: 1563

Re: Houseproud

Imagination, precise, well structured and balanced.
v.good
:D

J.
by JohnLott
Sat Nov 12, 2011 6:17 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Coriander
Replies: 15
Views: 1154

Re: Coriander

I wasn't too keen on it at first Ben because I don't like those sort of structured repetitions.
But now you have explained it, I think it would be fine if you lost about a third because it loses its impact.

Coriander is a herb - I remember the fads - hippy and flower power days.

:)

J.
by JohnLott
Sat Nov 12, 2011 6:08 pm
Forum: Post Visual Art
Topic: Water colour portrait
Replies: 4
Views: 915

Re: Water colour portrait

I've said it before - it keeps getting better.
This time next year I'm sure we'll be saying 'wow!'

:D

J.
by JohnLott
Sat Nov 12, 2011 6:07 pm
Forum: Post Visual Art
Topic: The most expensive photograph ever!
Replies: 7
Views: 1150

Re: The most expensive photograph ever!

Good call Dragonfly.
I'm sure you can do it.
Give it a go.

8)

J.
by JohnLott
Sat Nov 12, 2011 6:03 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Zenith 2 - an edit- click
Replies: 15
Views: 1160

Re: Zenith 2 - an edit

Not the best person to guide you - so I won't try. You have worked on this and it shows - for me it is much, much better. I'm not sure of 'we are flat' because the subject of that line is leaves - they should lie flat. I understand why you want the 'we are flat' in the poem (referring to your relati...
by JohnLott
Fri Nov 11, 2011 10:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Hullo Miss Andry
Replies: 5
Views: 568

Re: Hullo Miss Andry

Punctuated.
You guys are very particular about punctuation - sometimes.

J.
by JohnLott
Fri Nov 11, 2011 4:39 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Hullo Miss Andry
Replies: 5
Views: 568

Re: Hullo Miss Andry

Thanks Geoff. Again, thinking to punctuate or not: Again, testing a style; a sort of monophony. The other part of the duet/dialogue is not heard. The capital letter and the new stanza in "...replicate Of..." is supposed to signify addressing an [unheard] question by the missing part. Normally there ...
by JohnLott
Fri Nov 11, 2011 2:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Amazon
Replies: 13
Views: 941

Re: Amazon

I am quite taken with this; but wonder if the book titles refer to real books, pincer grip conveys application of strength instead of fingertip touch and I cannot believe you used the 'S' word at the end - I just cannot believe that. So is there a touch of irony in this long (river) tale?

:D

J.
by JohnLott
Fri Nov 11, 2011 11:08 am
Forum: Post Visual Art
Topic: The most expensive photograph ever!
Replies: 7
Views: 1150

Re: The most expensive photograph ever!

Absolutely agree.
A nice pix, something I would take and feel good about.
Some people are 'cash looking for a cause' - sad.
Some people want to be remembered for their wealth - sad.

J.
by JohnLott
Fri Nov 11, 2011 11:03 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Breaking up in the north of England is never easy
Replies: 8
Views: 926

Re: Breaking up in the north of England is never easy

A decent poem. But.

S2 is a hiccough in the story.

If she wants to be there and you dumped her, why all your grief and self-pity?

:?

J.
by JohnLott
Fri Nov 11, 2011 10:58 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Likes of You
Replies: 12
Views: 786

Re: The Likes of You

I don't think this works Suzanne. As Rich does not care for 'as not to', so too don't I; to me it makes the stanza 'unmusical'. The imbalances of the beat make the reading awkward. You mention Zenith. To me you were describing the height of the night sky as a highpoint, in a sad voice, when in my br...
by JohnLott
Fri Nov 11, 2011 10:37 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: armistice
Replies: 4
Views: 444

Re: armistice

Brendan

The living try to be respectful, at the funeral, privately in their own grief and later, by act of memorial.

S5 perhaps is demeaning of ‘the living’.

Having said that, I think this is v. good and should not be forgotten.

Would Binyon approve – I think he very well might.

J.
by JohnLott
Thu Nov 10, 2011 6:25 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Hullo Miss Andry
Replies: 5
Views: 568

Re: Hullo Miss Andry

Mslexic is a great notion - thanks Moth
The problem is that I need dyslexic to justify the next line, which is the bit you don't understand; it's about transposing those words (to maybe annoy Miss Andry)

8)

J.
by JohnLott
Wed Nov 09, 2011 9:59 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Hullo Miss Andry
Replies: 5
Views: 568

Hullo Miss Andry

Why no smile for me today? I am wild and proud and clutch my man crotch as you pass by. What’s that you say; you prefer to look the other way? Why so? What do you smell in oestrogens that alien androgens will never replicate? Of men and pheromones it’s the arrogance, the coarse strength you hate. Dy...
by JohnLott
Tue Nov 08, 2011 2:44 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Christmas Present
Replies: 18
Views: 1645

Re: Christmas Present

Not really expecting it to fit as is, but as you change words so mood and voice changes; so you can give another reason for why Dad left etc......

J.
by JohnLott
Mon Nov 07, 2011 10:50 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Eternal Love of Women
Replies: 12
Views: 1039

Re: The Eternal Love of Women

Brendan, the problem I have is that while you write very well in writing stories, tales, spiffing yarns, history; your lines exceed the blag of the story: You go on too far and that detracts from the money. Oh to write less and tell more! This one, like much, is cheeky, interesting, controversial; b...
by JohnLott
Mon Nov 07, 2011 9:46 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Christmas Present
Replies: 18
Views: 1645

Re: Christmas Present

Now I'm not exactly the right person to suggest what to do; and there is always another opinion. The way I would present S1, as a single example, bearing in mind this is done quickly, is as follows: Last year's tree is still there and propped against the outside wall. Dumped between drain and bin, M...
by JohnLott
Sun Nov 06, 2011 9:04 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: This is a word event
Replies: 17
Views: 1249

Re: This is a word event

Ros wrote:Yes, very good, especially with the revisions. clock *on* the fireplace, perhaps, sounds more realistic to me?

Ros
or clock on the mantlepiece even - or is that too proper/old fashioned?

J.
by JohnLott
Sun Nov 06, 2011 4:29 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Save the night.
Replies: 2
Views: 433

Re: Save the night.

Hello Kris Puzzling story. There's been a lot of obtuse recently. I like S1 - starts a good story, good phrases but then I lose it: '..tired of chasing a hooky monolith of a boy through streets unknown. Watch the hungry ghost divide, see darkness declared on both sides.' Then it comes back Then I lo...
by JohnLott
Sun Nov 06, 2011 4:17 pm
Forum: Any Other Business
Topic: Illustrated Tall Stories
Replies: 4
Views: 1041

Re: Illustrated Tall Stories

This might be considered a tall story
loads.jpg
loads.jpg (42.89 KiB) Viewed 987 times
Perhaps you can fill in the blanks?

:P

J.