Search found 1252 matches

by JohnLott
Sun Nov 06, 2011 4:04 pm
Forum: Any Other Business
Topic: Illustrated Tall Stories
Replies: 4
Views: 1001

Re: Illustrated Tall Stories

I see you have a cultured sense of humour
Very [s]crude[/s] good - but + pix would be even better

:P

J.
by JohnLott
Sun Nov 06, 2011 2:21 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Zenith 2 - an edit- click
Replies: 15
Views: 1080

Re: Zenith

Hi Suzanne, I must read this carefully – and will. But my initial reaction is this should be entitled ‘Nadir’. Perhaps the N is saying their zenith was from an earlier time; when they were young because the present is a very sad and resigned voice. There were a couple of grammaticals but they disapp...
by JohnLott
Sun Nov 06, 2011 1:24 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Vahni Capildeo
Replies: 10
Views: 1114

Re: Vahni Capildeo

Such imagination!
But is anything lost in translation because I don't get the poetry in it - it's light prose with little poetry in it's heart.

8)

J.
by JohnLott
Sun Nov 06, 2011 1:07 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Hi Ho [edit]
Replies: 6
Views: 645

Re: Hi Ho [edit]

Punctuation and small edit to bring a subtle change in tone; to mute 'It's off to work I go'

8)

J.
by JohnLott
Sun Nov 06, 2011 10:32 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Christmas Present
Replies: 18
Views: 1539

Re: Christmas Present

I know it's a problem for me too. The discipline of metre is grrrrr. Sometimes beat or flow are the easier master. I can refer you to Stephen Fry and 'An Ode Less Travelled' But: I don't think you are that far away, I really don't. The prose side can lead you into explanation (which is where you go ...
by JohnLott
Sat Nov 05, 2011 10:57 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Hi Ho [edit]
Replies: 6
Views: 645

Re: Hi Ho

Yeh, sorry Kris.
Punctuation it will be. It's what I used to do but then felt I was, increasingly, the odd one out.
I'll get an edit going shortly.

:)

J.
by JohnLott
Sat Nov 05, 2011 8:08 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Christmas Present
Replies: 18
Views: 1539

Re: Christmas Present

Hi Moth, I would take a look at verses - where you end them because that can make the reader flow or falter: at punctuation likewise. The strength of this poem is the sad and meagre 'human' story and with David's comments in mind, I would build on descriptions and I would pay attention to phrases th...
by JohnLott
Sat Nov 05, 2011 4:33 pm
Forum: Post Visual Art
Topic: Lightly stylised water-colour (take 3)
Replies: 7
Views: 1117

Re: Lightly stylised water-colour (take 3)

Captivating is right.
A really good study in colours and lines.
The bigger version is great if I go back about 8ft. It keeps the contrasts related to the lines while balancing the colour.
:D

J.
by JohnLott
Sat Nov 05, 2011 4:16 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: This is a word event
Replies: 17
Views: 1199

Re: This is a word event

I agree this is very good.

the clock in the fireplace doesn't tick

was this intended to be menopausal?

J.
by JohnLott
Sat Nov 05, 2011 11:33 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Christmas Present
Replies: 18
Views: 1539

Re: Christmas Present

A quiet window into someone's life - a hint of pathos. Straightforward can be refreshing - good. A couple of subtle rhymes - deliberate? I would prefer for you to do something to regularise the rhythm since it is awkward in a couple of places: e.g. perched here on the top step, at the head of an imp...
by JohnLott
Sat Nov 05, 2011 12:10 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Hi Ho [edit]
Replies: 6
Views: 645

Re: Hi Ho

Hi Ray,
Tired side street in a tired suburb of a tired city
Off to work in the morning - walking to the tube or the bus stop
The daily grind - the daily drag - to earn your bread
to be part of the money flow - to feed into the economy [John Maynard Keynes]

8)

J.
by JohnLott
Fri Nov 04, 2011 4:57 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Hi Ho [edit]
Replies: 6
Views: 645

Hi Ho [edit]

V2 So down my dreary road I go; the gates, the posts, occasional hedges or no gates, no posts, then open season on automotive wedges. Suddenly a damaged paw. Bricked up, wheel gone and arm hanging; lost its tension (shot shock and cracked suspension). The guy in front gives a stumble around a Plane...
by JohnLott
Fri Nov 04, 2011 4:54 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Pica(edit)
Replies: 14
Views: 1057

Re: Pica(edit)

Having put me right on Pica and petrol, I think #4 is a good poem.

I enjoyed it.

:)

J.
by JohnLott
Fri Nov 04, 2011 2:27 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Pica(edit)
Replies: 14
Views: 1057

Re: Pica(edit)

Getting there Megan, You have cut away a lot of the superfluous and made it tighter A little work needed on the grammar in the second analogy in S1, I think. The Pica doesn't seem to be eating inedibles yet. Some 'cryptic' still seems 'floating' in that it hasn't been anchored e.g. the moon bit Soon...
by JohnLott
Fri Nov 04, 2011 2:08 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Scenes from a Cemetery
Replies: 6
Views: 501

Re: Scenes from a Cemetery

Hi Vincent,

I really liked part 1

part 2 was OK and could have been worked on to maintain the mood and resonance of part 1

The poem should have ended there, for me.

I think less is more if the less is good quality, as your parts 1 and 2 are.

:)

J.
by JohnLott
Thu Nov 03, 2011 2:25 pm
Forum: Post Visual Art
Topic: Lakeland view
Replies: 11
Views: 1152

Re: Lakeland view

Is it me, or has something gone wrong?
The sky is nearer than the foreground no matter how far back I go

A disturbing picture, Catherine.

J.
by JohnLott
Thu Nov 03, 2011 2:20 pm
Forum: Post Visual Art
Topic: Seattle
Replies: 6
Views: 1070

Re: Seattle

Surely the Cop isn't texting?

Good pix.

Like the Starbucks yawn

:)

J.
by JohnLott
Thu Nov 03, 2011 2:17 pm
Forum: Post Visual Art
Topic: Rafters
Replies: 8
Views: 1442

Re: Rafters

Thanks Marten.
Finding different reflective shapes that work is hard.

:)

J.
by JohnLott
Thu Nov 03, 2011 2:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Scriptio Continua
Replies: 14
Views: 955

Re: Scriptio Continua

Nice flow and balance.
The message for me is:

Is the jury out on our conventional syntax and semantics?

8)

J.
by JohnLott
Thu Nov 03, 2011 2:07 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Transmogrifications [Edit]
Replies: 13
Views: 844

Re: Transmogrifications [Edit]

Edit - (just to tidy up)

8)

J.
by JohnLott
Thu Nov 03, 2011 1:53 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Coop
Replies: 8
Views: 736

Re: Coop

I liked most of it.

Could be good.
Reminds me of a time long ago when as kids we congregated around the corner shop and bragged of bold deeds until it became time to be bold

:)

J.
by JohnLott
Wed Nov 02, 2011 12:48 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Pica(edit)
Replies: 14
Views: 1057

Re: Pica

Megan Returning the introduction. I am bemused and baffled by this; and this might be your intention – to be obtuse. It reads more like a visit to Ironbridge but, as a daytripper, at a push you could be feeding on the artefacts and the surroundings. The rhythm is well balanced and the voice is chatt...
by JohnLott
Tue Nov 01, 2011 10:16 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Once Loved
Replies: 2
Views: 346

Re: Once Loved

Thanks Megan,
I'll work my way throught the thoughts and advice and see what comes out.

:)

J.
by JohnLott
Mon Oct 31, 2011 10:11 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Once Loved
Replies: 2
Views: 346

Once Loved

Hearts-tongue protrudes towards the sky: Green fronds sucking sunlight from the day roots drinking moisture from the wall. Mortar crumbles and its dust gathers on the patio. No one sees it drift below but through time bare stones stare at the Ash seed lodged under cracked damp proof course and germi...
by JohnLott
Mon Oct 31, 2011 5:55 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: September's Features
Replies: 5
Views: 523

Re: September's Features

Not sure about convention on responding - but I will.

Surprised and v. pleased and perhaps a measure of how my journey is progressing.

Thanks all involved for the vote.

:D

J.