The Poets' Graves Workshop

Oh and here it is:

BenJohnson wrote:This isn't a forum for personal problems

Damn.

Thanks for your comments here, all.

That's fine, I should have said, but was embarrassed to, that it's the High Beech where John Clare escaped from in Epping Forest. Which isn't to say that makes it any better, but I was hoping to use fleet as an adjective, as in fleet of foot, and the Conflagration is imagined.

Really no brambles? Then presumably no mistletoe or belladonna either. Maybe some yarrow. I hadn't noticed the line break at the somehow, escaped me, and was hoping for the best with the burly hedge - think you're right.

For the book, slight revision: Leaving High Beach John cleared the hedge, though it reared up and waved its burly arms at him, then he looked back at gables shaking through the trees, at windows blue as the fleet stream behind bars, at the gate, smoke-blacked by the last Conflagration, at eaves jamm...

Nearly, kind of, ' cycles ' though? What with tides and crying in the kitchen. Perhaps that is fine, but mighten you consider 'phases' or something else tidal or lunar// And it sounds a bit pedantic ' when she refuses to wear the ones she owns ', why not,' when she won't wear the ones she owns ' All...

I'm following up to S3, then I can see the green light but not the phone, the escalator - Tokyo Green could be a nice title?
Tokyo Green could be a different colour to England Green. There are so many words dedicated to England Green.

I did try to imagine shark both ways, dried and umm, wet, maybe if you say sharkskin it doesn't bring to mind the actual shark so clearly. A grammar ghost, eh, that's handy.

I don't find a mystery in this, my problem was the opposite that it too closely follows the metaphor of walking on eggshells. This is just my problem, as it's well thought out, from the 'Yoked' of the title - two creatures tied together- and throughout. It could be more refined - broken shell like s...

Very nice, everything held together by the sea imagery and strong beginning and end. The sea presence taking over the domestic scene works so well, perhaps weaker in S2 than elsewhere where the language sounds somehow biblical like the mortification of flesh (RS Thomas like!) S3 is perfectly express...

Interesting diversity of feedback here, and definitely I ended up writing a different poem which will be a new post, and may carry on trying to edit the original at some point.

So good...they must love it in school when poets go in. We had Michael Rosen as Poet in Residence and they bought out a CD about rain. More poets in schools!

Last 5 lines?! Last 5 words rather.

I have read this before, I think, has it changed? I remember disagreeing with the "manfully". Could you not end on the speech? Everything leads up to the speech, you have the 'mute' swans, the sound of the children (imagined), the screech of the owl. Also it is possible to imagine that the owl is ta...

I agree - very nice! Starts off behind the wheel and freewheels along, good flow. Shouldn't it be 'a few errors of judgement.' ?

Yes. Yes I'm failing to communicate. I'll spare you the edit, but I've removed the telephone because it set up a scene that didn't follow through and what I wanted was to get at a folk tale, ghost story feeling of the reservoir as cannibal, purity as the undead - ummm- happy to let it sink glug glug...

Lots of recommendations to have a look at - thanks!

Ah I love that Old Man one.

Really?

Looks great. And were you writing for children on purpose, God what a question, do you know what I mean? I suppose I'm thinking can some poetry be not specifically for children but still appeal to them.

I remember having a volume of Poetry for 8 year olds, or whatever, but there is some adult poetry that must be amazing for kids - I came across this, you can open the files up to hear him read: http://www.johnsiddique.co.uk/kids/pages/index.htm and the middle poem about making up your life out of pa...

My favourite is one about elastic blue pools that replicate themselves on mountain tops around the world, I think she says they xerox themselves. I think of it often. A man on the tube was reading On Mutability! This is a very rare sighting. He was sitting next to me, with the book open and I recogn...

I can't edit without rewriting . Version 2 - now called 'Fleeing John' When they tried to touch his finger, raw where he had gnawed it clean, he degloved himself, ring and all, and, amazed!, harmed but free, he legged it Down by the rushes, left at the sundial thick footed through the thicket. He t...

Yes, well done! I like Other. I don't do very well at all with Other.

This poem 'Stalks'

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=14583&p=115779#p115779

been accepted here:

http://www.brittlestar.org.uk/

Thanks to many of you for comments and suggestions!
Anyone know the magazine?