Search found 2622 matches

by k-j
Wed Feb 15, 2017 11:46 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Ann Widdecombe's Cat [v2]
Replies: 10
Views: 1333

Re: Ann Widdecombe's Cat

Really good. Would kind of prefer a more legitimately threatening (but equally demented) figure than Widdecombe. Can't think of one offhand though.
by k-j
Tue Feb 07, 2017 5:44 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: A lamberglischair tale
Replies: 9
Views: 2275

Re: A lamberglischair tale

Very good and I believe Seth is correct; this is in the wrong comp.
by k-j
Thu Jan 26, 2017 5:39 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: First Memory of Onllwyn (v2)
Replies: 12
Views: 2093

Re: First Memory of Onllwyn (v2)

Revision is spot on.
by k-j
Wed Jan 25, 2017 4:28 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The End of God and Country
Replies: 6
Views: 816

Re: The End of God and Country

Ha ha.
by k-j
Wed Jan 25, 2017 4:26 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Walking in the Wolds (Was: Hands)
Replies: 20
Views: 2805

Re: Walking in the Wolds (Was: Hands)

I think you should keep on posting versions of this poem until you've exhausted all the permutations of punctuation. Actually I think the best configuration is v5, but with a full colon instead of the semi. I like the way the commas make a long sentence that dances along. V6 is too staccato for me. ...
by k-j
Tue Jan 24, 2017 7:38 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: 2017
Replies: 15
Views: 1877

Re: 2017

I liked it more on first reading than on second. It has a very appealing form and feel but I don't understand how the water tugs the hand. I agree that the colors in line two are not very original. I do like "gleaming / with late afternoon" and the implied (also by "shadows") but unstated "sun". "So...
by k-j
Tue Jan 24, 2017 7:28 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Walking in the Wolds (Was: Hands)
Replies: 20
Views: 2805

Re: Walking in the Wolds (Was: Hands)

V5 is the best.
by k-j
Tue Jan 24, 2017 7:27 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Storage solutions
Replies: 11
Views: 1452

Re: Storage solutions

I think this is excellent. I tried a "mirror poem" myself long ago and it's bloody hard to do. In this case, the mirror-image really strengthens, deepens and expands the first half (which is good in its own right).
by k-j
Mon Jan 23, 2017 10:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: On Li Po Drowning While Embracing the Moon's Reflection in a River
Replies: 31
Views: 4315

Re: Li Po Walks Star River

I agree with Crayon more or less, sorry. It's very different in tone from Drinking Alone by Moonlight . Vague and pseudo-mystical (s2) where Li Po is precise and grounded, explicatory (e.g. line 9) where Li is allusive. You might say well, your tone changes after you croak. But I can't imagine him w...
by k-j
Mon Jan 23, 2017 8:48 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Parr, St.
Replies: 9
Views: 1099

Re: Parr, St.

Enjoyed. Last line I don't think adds much.

"But stranger..." - stranger than whom? I suppose stranger than KP and the notable departeds, but they're not particularly strange.

Just seeing the title I thought "hagiographical index" too!
by k-j
Mon Jan 23, 2017 7:06 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: First Memory of Onllwyn (v2)
Replies: 12
Views: 2093

Re: First Memory

It seems like "Onllwyn" is competing with the title for the title of... title. Could you incorporate Onllwyn (or some other locator) into the poem - perhaps in the third line about which I agree with Tristan? Also agree with him about "making" - makes the action more immediate and memory-like - and ...
by k-j
Sun Jan 22, 2017 4:51 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: New competition : Lies, damned lies and 'statesmen'
Replies: 7
Views: 3459

Re: New competition : Lies, damned lies and 'statesmen'

This is more in my line. I've just written my first entry.
by k-j
Sun Jan 22, 2017 3:43 am
Forum: Any Other Business
Topic: Hello all
Replies: 3
Views: 2453

Re: Hello all

Har, no, no plans for a book. But I might, just might, submit the odd one. I would just like to have them all safe on the off chance. Don't want to have to ask a mod each time.
by k-j
Fri Jan 20, 2017 9:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: An extra selves the crowdscene
Replies: 4
Views: 703

Re: An extra selves the crowdscene

Really good. I thought this was one of the best in the comp, and perhaps the best at fulfilling the "extraordinary use of language" mandate. "Cardibigbuttonigan" is particularly nice but so are "glowglassshops" with its triple-s, "churble", "fogwindow glass" (this last could be made one word?) Just ...
by k-j
Fri Jan 20, 2017 8:52 pm
Forum: Any Other Business
Topic: Hello all
Replies: 3
Views: 2453

Hello all

Please excuse my monthlong absence from PG. Each day that passes I want more to get back into the thick of it, but also feel more ashamed of showing my idle face around here... What is the easiest way to move (more or less all of) my output here into Finishing Touch? I suppose a mod will have to do ...
by k-j
Mon Dec 12, 2016 9:45 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Plum tree
Replies: 8
Views: 1069

Re: Plum tree

Grace, thanks very much. I may try to up the rhyme quotient a wee bit. Let's see. I don't quite see your point about the chronology. I mean yes, it is all one moment. Maybe you're saying the moment just seems too drawn-out? Seth, thanks to you too. Glad the ghost of Sid stayed unresurrected. The sex...
by k-j
Mon Dec 12, 2016 8:20 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Abandoned Agricultural Machinery, No.17 (v2)
Replies: 10
Views: 1680

Re: Abandoned Agricultural Machinery, No.17

I see where the others are coming from, but I'm also OK reading it as simply three bits of abandoned agricultural machinery each with a simile. That said, the bike racks image is the odd one out. I do like the density of it and the use of slashes. There was an abandoned muckspreader in a field by wh...
by k-j
Mon Dec 12, 2016 8:16 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: My smattering of Swahili
Replies: 12
Views: 1477

Re: My smattering of Swahili

I quite like it, especially s2 and "open-mouthed / astonishment still intact" and the last three lines, but... The tiffin and the tiger evoke India, not Africa, so it comes over as sort of generic colonial. "Prostrate" has better metre than "prostrated". And is perhaps more correct? Odd that buffalo...
by k-j
Tue Dec 06, 2016 7:55 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Across the world are bits of Ailsa Craig*
Replies: 5
Views: 721

Re: Across the world are bits of Ailsa Craig*

Not sure what "pebbles" and its footnote bring to the poem. Is it important that the stones slide over the pebbles? Seems like a technical curling term you've just used for the hell of it. I think it does work well overall as a migration metaphor. Although in curling as in life, the stones still hav...
by k-j
Mon Dec 05, 2016 5:30 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Fried Ice Cream - Revision IV
Replies: 17
Views: 1753

Re: Fried Ice Cream - Syllabic Verse - Revision III

I like "heaters set on hell" a lot, and the rhymes in version 3 are good. Metre-wise it's OK for the first seven lines, but the last two are pretty awkward. Both are overloaded. "Painful sights" doesn't seem to fit with shrieks. You hear shrieks, not see them. "Watch" our lives unthaw, or is it more...
by k-j
Mon Dec 05, 2016 3:49 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Admittance of Doubt (was "Things")
Replies: 11
Views: 1592

Re: Admittance of Doubt (was "Things")

Thanks all. Luke, I was really thinking of self-doubt, self-sabotage - although infidelity in the common sense and I suppose religious doubt would fall into that too. "The walks" I hope is explained in line 5. Tristan. Hmm. If not terrible then what should the tidings be? I want them to be tidings o...
by k-j
Mon Dec 05, 2016 3:45 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Next Poem I Write is for You (Revised)
Replies: 27
Views: 2781

Re: The Next Poem I Write is for You

I think it's great. Just has a lovely feel to it. The specificness of Hubbard Hall in all that vagueness, the simplicity of the language. One of the rare poems where I enjoy it more for not fully getting it. Although I do think a you could elucidate the last three lines just a tiny bit. Not being a ...
by k-j
Sun Dec 04, 2016 3:31 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Remembrance Sunday
Replies: 12
Views: 1543

Re: Remembrance Sunday

Good poem. Just a few suggestions: - love the first two lines - comma after "mine" isn't right. Should be colon, semi or full stop to your taste. - agree with Ray's suggestion for line 4 - "filthy strips of land" - "strips" sounds a little odd. Perhaps it refers to trenches, but if so then oddly I t...
by k-j
Sat Dec 03, 2016 6:58 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Plum tree
Replies: 8
Views: 1069

Plum tree

How did we come to plant the plum tree? We passed a fruit stand and you said "dad, why can't we have peach trees?" Too cold. And we never thought of it. A fig needs wasps, a certain kind. But we have sun. The hole deepened: I applied the spade so as to render the future tree deep-rooted. We dumped o...
by k-j
Fri Dec 02, 2016 11:37 pm
Forum: Any Other Business
Topic: Top foodstuffs
Replies: 12
Views: 5012

Re: Top foodstuffs

Fish-finger sandwiches are amazing. And very hard to fuck up.