Search found 2622 matches

by k-j
Thu Nov 10, 2016 2:46 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Midden (v2)
Replies: 6
Views: 880

Re: Midden

Not sure what it's about. "Andes" is the main clue. Is it about the Great Pacific Garbage Patch? It seems you're seeing the plastic and polystyrene, and then the "botanicals" etc. are what decomposed to make the oil that made that stuff? Combined with the millennia of human culture, the blades and b...
by k-j
Thu Nov 10, 2016 1:04 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Leafless [v2]
Replies: 16
Views: 1763

Re: Leafless (An Autumn Armistice Poem)

Nice and different. I really like the use of sound and neglect of articles, prepositions, etc. The herky-jerky rhythm is also very effective. I wouldn't change a thing except to remove the explanatory subtitle and the dedication (unless it's to some Wilfred other than Owen). But those are just my pe...
by k-j
Sun Nov 06, 2016 1:12 am
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Lake1
Replies: 5
Views: 2139

Re: Lake1

A terrific poem, and in my opinion the other poems are rubbish.
by k-j
Thu Nov 03, 2016 4:24 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Gestation
Replies: 7
Views: 904

Re: Gestation

Thanks Luke. Don't think anyone suggested cutting that though?
by k-j
Thu Nov 03, 2016 3:54 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Gestation
Replies: 7
Views: 904

Re: Gestation

Gracias a todos. Always good to see some sort of consensus in the crits. Ros, agree about the compound words and perhaps the first verses. Seth. If it's engaging that's good enough for me. I'm not sure if it's frantic or listless either, will leave it to the reader. Agree about "attenuating" althoug...
by k-j
Wed Nov 02, 2016 4:40 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Gestation
Replies: 7
Views: 904

Gestation

Was it the temperature anomaly – the treeleaves withering in situ , the mountains hovering claybrown, our shutters open to the south wind and the yellow needles of the sun – or was it the election campaign that made October stretch out and feel like the year's last month or the first chapter of a dy...
by k-j
Wed Nov 02, 2016 4:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Parting Stone (revised)
Replies: 14
Views: 1869

Re: The Parting Stone

Good story, one I hadn't heard. "Irascible" doves? Why? And what does he do with them after throwing the stone? Is there some point to the doves that I'm missing? Like the image of the kids throwing their own stones. Not too keen on "untouched by sorrow's glance". Seems a bit wishy-washy-poetic. "Br...
by k-j
Wed Nov 02, 2016 3:08 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Two Little Birds
Replies: 8
Views: 829

Re: Two Little Birds

Hi Gravy. Of the two, I think I prefer the first. I notice you've put a comma in the middle of each line, even where it wouldn't normally be expected. I think perhaps it's your way of trying to show the reader how to read it. But you don't need to do that. The rhythm comes through from the words by ...
by k-j
Wed Nov 02, 2016 3:02 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Turkeys Join the Commute
Replies: 21
Views: 2235

Re: Turkeys Surprise on Morningside Lane--rev 1

I think the revision is good. I like the introduction of your being on a bike, makes the action more comprehensible. I do agree with Ian about the last line, but I'm OK with "beauty" here since it's a sudden thing and not typical of turkeys.
by k-j
Mon Oct 31, 2016 6:49 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Imperfections
Replies: 9
Views: 1441

Re: Imperfections

Thanks all.

Ray, I'm a thesaurus addict it's true but didn't use one here. However those two triads - especially the second one - do give that impression. I'll likely change that.

JJW, ta, good comments.

Seth, neo-Herrickean. There's our new School. This is how we get published.
by k-j
Mon Oct 31, 2016 6:46 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Sod it
Replies: 8
Views: 1130

Re: Sod it

I like it. First time around I just assumed it was a gag about how we're always shoveling shit. But reading again I got the real pun on "moving compost". Great fun.
by k-j
Mon Oct 31, 2016 6:43 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Blind love
Replies: 8
Views: 1203

Re: Blind love

Great idea. Think you could do a bit more with it. Along the lines of the deleted first two lines from v1. Make it a bit longer and really develop the relationship.
by k-j
Mon Oct 31, 2016 6:42 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: unpaid and unfed
Replies: 2
Views: 477

Re: unpaid and unfed

Not immediate enough for me, sorry. Only the second line is really "value". First states the obvious and third just names the subject.
by k-j
Sun Oct 30, 2016 3:23 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Turkeys Join the Commute
Replies: 21
Views: 2235

Re: Turkeys Surprise on Morningside Lane

I've only posted here (in what feels like England to me :) ) a short time and already I'm using words that I have never used nor even heard used, only read, like queue and auto. I think this is wonderful, but you have to be careful. Queue is English, auto (car) is American. I am always getting USA ...
by k-j
Thu Oct 27, 2016 9:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Swan Lake
Replies: 12
Views: 1408

Re: Swan Lake

Quite nifty this one. Do you need "to die"?
by k-j
Thu Oct 27, 2016 5:41 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Turkeys Join the Commute
Replies: 21
Views: 2235

Re: Turkeys Surprise on Morningside Lane

Very nice. Maybe drop "surprise" from the title? Since it's clearly not an everyday occurrence. "Standoff" better than "stalemate"? Seems like you're struggling a bit to avoid repeating "turkeys". I like "ungainlies" but not "these ungainlies". Maybe "the ungainly creatures pace, / retrace etc". Try...
by k-j
Thu Oct 27, 2016 5:26 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Scene through the kitchen window
Replies: 11
Views: 1505

Re: Scene through the kitchen window

I like it too, and agree with crayon's comments.
by k-j
Wed Oct 26, 2016 10:43 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: How To Survive Her
Replies: 7
Views: 1060

Re: How To Survive Her

Ah, thought again about penultimate and think I get it now.
by k-j
Wed Oct 26, 2016 9:43 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: How To Survive Her
Replies: 7
Views: 1060

Re: How To Survive Her

Like the form. Like some of the lines a lot (2, 4, 10-12).

"In the parlour quiet" - word order feels odd.

Assumed it was about mother-in-law, but if so then penultimate line seems excessive. Confused by "bear witness". How, to whom? The wife?
by k-j
Wed Oct 26, 2016 9:03 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Imperfections
Replies: 9
Views: 1441

Re: Imperfections

Lou, thanks. I think I did have "suddenly" at first. I don't really feel strongly about it. I suppose I can understand your aversion and would happily change. Luke, the N is acknowledging that it's one thing to be enchanted by little blemishes, but eventually the whole canvas is going to start peeli...
by k-j
Tue Oct 25, 2016 10:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Imperfections
Replies: 9
Views: 1441

Imperfections

[tab][/tab][tab][/tab]A sweet disorder in the dress [tab][/tab][tab][/tab]Kindles in clothes a wantonness [tab][/tab][tab][/tab][tab][/tab][tab][/tab]– Herrick, Delight in Disorder No woman wants compliments on a thing out of place. I remark how well her disheveled hair looks with the firm lines of ...
by k-j
Tue Oct 25, 2016 10:08 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Dublin Dawn (was Dublin Morning, revision)
Replies: 9
Views: 1054

Re: Dublin Dawn (was Dublin Morning, revision)

Kind of prefer the simplicity of this to the autumn one, but recognise they are different poems. Kudos for reusing the images/reworking the thought.
by k-j
Tue Oct 25, 2016 9:49 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Anniversary
Replies: 8
Views: 1106

Re: Anniversary

First line seems overly self-denigratory, since the poem isn't otherwise cynical. I like it mostly. My only comment might be that the last (fourth) sentence is long and complicated and perhaps too tangled; the metaphor seems to twist around and lose itself. E.g. it sounds like it's the treeline "pou...
by k-j
Fri Oct 21, 2016 3:50 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: One Clerihew about Princess Diana (edit)
Replies: 7
Views: 1059

Re: One Clerihew about Princess Diana (edit)

Thanks all.

Ray, I have taken your comments on board with the revision.
by k-j
Fri Oct 21, 2016 3:31 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: One Clerihew about Princess Diana (edit)
Replies: 7
Views: 1059

One Clerihew about Princess Diana (edit)

Princess Diana, though possessed of a manor or two, was far from ill at ease when meeting people with disabilities. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Original Version: Three Clerihews about Princess Diana Princess Diana, though possessed of a manor or two, w...