Search found 219 matches

by penguin
Wed Nov 18, 2015 12:00 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Barry Island
Replies: 13
Views: 1463

Re: Barry Island

JJ - there's no question of any offence being taken. I was curious as to what you thought had been exaggerated. The poem is mostly about my feelings on a particular day. I won't necessarily feel the same thing on reflection. What's significant, maybe, is that I'm very much of a left wing political p...
by penguin
Wed Nov 18, 2015 10:00 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Barry Island
Replies: 13
Views: 1463

Re: Barry Island

Thanks, Seth, David. Just to address a couple of points JJ raised. Almost all of the Muslim women on the beach wore black and some of them waded into the sea up to their necks. When JJ refers to my exaggeration, I'm not sure what's meant. I checked with my wife as to whether she felt the same as I a...
by penguin
Tue Nov 17, 2015 11:28 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Barry Island
Replies: 13
Views: 1463

Re: Barry Island

Thanks for the comments. Difficult poem to write, acknowledging, as it does, feelings I was only half aware of. I'd hope that over time I might make it more poetic. At the moment it just says what I wanted to say. I'm trying to draw comparisons between Barry Island and the UK at various points. I do...
by penguin
Sun Nov 15, 2015 7:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: At Allan's Corner
Replies: 11
Views: 1389

Re: At Allan's Corner

Enjoyed. I like the flat cap of taciturnity. I seem to hear eternity in there. Don't get exclamation on a comma, either.
You want guttural, not guttaral - unless it's a Scottish variation, of course.
Not sure about ancestor - expected spirit or ghost, but you'd know best.
by penguin
Sun Nov 15, 2015 2:20 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Stealing Fruit (edit 1)
Replies: 5
Views: 956

Re: Stealing Fruit

You've got a good first stanza. As for the rest, well, you mentioned how easy it is to fall into cliché and you've managed it a few times, I think . As a newbie I've been hesitant to tackle subjects of a personal nature, as it feels easier to fall into cliche in this arena. However, here is one piec...
by penguin
Sun Nov 15, 2015 12:08 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: John Wayne's War
Replies: 8
Views: 1112

Re: John Wayne's War

Nice poem. but might also have made my mind less bellicose. Did he find I think the problem is mind. Who makes a mind more or less bellicose? The natural word would be voice. Anyway, I enjoyed thinking about it and came up with this I might have made that choice as well, but might also have made Joh...
by penguin
Sun Nov 15, 2015 11:53 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Ladies Prefer Blondes (Maligned Marilyn, Edits)
Replies: 9
Views: 1162

Re: Maligned Marilyn

Good in parts. I like the first 2 lines of the last 3 verses, but the poem suffers from the weak, repetitive 3rd lines. I know it's a villanelle and that's what you're supposed to do and I've seen it work but I don't think it's working here. I don’t know what the fuss was all about; her squinty eyes...
by penguin
Fri Nov 13, 2015 10:58 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Flour/power
Replies: 5
Views: 974

Re: Flour/power

Very nice. I was thinking that but in line 3 was a bit unnecessary, then I thought

then armed with blades
they turned for power
by penguin
Fri Nov 13, 2015 10:52 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Sage, Lemon Thyme (revision)
Replies: 14
Views: 1657

Re: Sage, Lemon Thyme

Enjoyed it. These 3 lines in particular a space where each vermillion dawn can sprawl across the dewy grass and sink into the gaps between each blade, though I'm not sure I understand the final line - the dawn is remaking itself within the soil? Come spring, the moss-strewn lawn will lose its bounce...
by penguin
Fri Nov 13, 2015 10:40 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: When the Bow Breaks
Replies: 4
Views: 575

Re: When the Bow Breaks

Good title, in the context, but after the first few lines it's not really doing anything but state the obvious.
by penguin
Thu Nov 12, 2015 6:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Barry Island
Replies: 13
Views: 1463

Barry Island

Not really an island, for a long time now, which just goes to show, things aren’t set in stone and moated; just step on and off it, no waiting around for a tide to turn. Butlins gone, that end of season air, that pervasive unmendedness quite repaired. There was all the space in the world, this morni...
by penguin
Wed Nov 11, 2015 5:29 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: operetta
Replies: 9
Views: 1030

Re: operetta

Thanks all. I think the replies are more entertaining than the poem. I take your point, but each to their own, surely? Fat men singing in a foreign language are generally fairly easy to avoid. Strictly speaking, I suppose the poem could relate to overweight chaps carousing in a Greek taverna. Could ...
by penguin
Tue Nov 10, 2015 2:57 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: operetta
Replies: 9
Views: 1030

operetta

nothing
is more certain
to evoke my anguish
than a fat bloke
singing
in a foreign language
by penguin
Mon Nov 09, 2015 4:36 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Boatman (revision2)
Replies: 17
Views: 1757

Re: Boatman

I'm not really getting the whole gist of it, but I like some of the phrases -
her painted bow
craved by the waves.

his brow memory hard.

Yet below the bridge,
And over there, - I prefer this line, it's more untethered
by penguin
Mon Nov 09, 2015 4:06 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Ruined blackhouse, one field east
Replies: 13
Views: 1338

Re: Ruined blackhouse, one field east

I like the beginning -far too low to count as standing. Very nice.
I can't help but remember that cows have more than one stomach. Not that it's worth griping about.
I'm not really seeing the point of the last 2 lines. Maybe you could finish at lowering.
by penguin
Mon Oct 13, 2014 4:36 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Brrr
Replies: 7
Views: 928

Re: Brrr

Thanks, Elphin. We await an offside flag.
by penguin
Mon Oct 13, 2014 4:33 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Rut/v4
Replies: 12
Views: 1086

Re: The Rut

Nice one, Seth.
Do bucks find themselves in unfamiliar stretches of land? I'd imagined them with their own well defined patches.
Maybe the commas after Or and leaping aren't necessary.
I don't think the last 2 lines are having the desired effect. Or rather they say too much.
by penguin
Mon Oct 13, 2014 3:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Knots
Replies: 7
Views: 932

Re: Knots

Thanks, Seth. I think it's mostly rubbish, a few bits worth preserving

.wrestled from its tug". - the tug of a place with fond memories, I guess.

shrugged off all the nets - I'm inclined to agree. nets came along after I'd tried and thrown out knots, chains, ropes
by penguin
Fri Oct 10, 2014 1:13 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Knots
Replies: 7
Views: 932

Knots

We saw the fishing port grow small behind with water’s rise, heaven’s descent until at last it went unseen, squeezed between the sea and sky. We wrestled from its tug and shifted weight to the other side. A quiet corner, tight and snug, we dozed off intertwined. And as we slept you dreamt I left and...
by penguin
Fri Oct 10, 2014 12:45 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Dark Ages
Replies: 4
Views: 602

Re: The Dark Ages

Enjoyed. I'd love to hear a Gaelic lament on a banjo.
shoulder to the sea or shoulder the sea?

a few sheep scattered
like stoic punctuation marks - black sheep?

the bleak but oddly engaging history
of the Moss of Cree - sounds like one of the Horrible History series.
by penguin
Fri Oct 10, 2014 12:36 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Brrr
Replies: 7
Views: 928

Re: Brrr

Antcliff wrote:Liked the sounds. Like the face in mirror theme. Not sure I understood ln. 5. As more light is on the mirror, the mists lift..i.e. face recognised?
Thanks, Seth. ...as light shifts the mist lifts... just meant to be a dawning realisation kind of thing.
by penguin
Thu Oct 09, 2014 5:13 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Brrr
Replies: 7
Views: 928

Re: Brrr

Thanks both. I think it was about old age taking someone by surprise. Doesn't matter. Low scoring draw on the sonics, then.
by penguin
Wed Oct 08, 2014 7:54 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Us in a flat
Replies: 8
Views: 1009

Re: Us in a flat

I like the final line and enjoyed most of the poem. Interesting choice, characters/manuscript rather than the obvious actors/script. The wheels come off a bit towards the end, I thought I think it was when the skunk was crushed by the garbage truck in our alley, just as we were about to row quite se...
by penguin
Wed Oct 08, 2014 7:47 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Discovering the sonnet
Replies: 14
Views: 1433

Re: Discovering the sonnet

Of course, they're yours. I can do compliments. Now and again. Still think final taxis would be better.
by penguin
Wed Oct 08, 2014 7:34 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Discovering the sonnet
Replies: 14
Views: 1433

Re: Discovering the sonnet

Good suggestion from Nash, final taxis. I really like lines 2-4, 6 and 7 as well. I'd have preferred the remainder in similar vein, but then I'm not sure what the poem purports to be doing and how it is discovering the sonnet.