Search found 219 matches

by penguin
Sun Nov 03, 2013 8:40 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: She Still Comes By (Challenge)
Replies: 9
Views: 693

Re: She Still Comes By (Challenge)

I can't decide whether it's "still" as in not moving or as she's always done. Or both. She comes by still but something sends her out past pinion rocks on every pier - I stumble at "out" every time. I'd take it out. Something sends her into hills where paths averting rocks from house to house reach ...
by penguin
Sun Nov 03, 2013 8:26 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: And when we were sat in the Odeon -revised
Replies: 13
Views: 1007

Re: And when we were sat in the Odeon

twoleftfeet wrote:
penguin wrote: She actually said "Have you left 'ality at home?"
I'd be tempted to use that.
I'd thought about that, Geoff, but wondered if it would be clear enough. I've changed it anyhow along with a few other bits. Still don't like the 3rd verse.
by penguin
Sun Nov 03, 2013 8:03 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: stairs talk man (challenge)
Replies: 19
Views: 1386

stairs talk man (challenge)

we know each other good long time had ups and downs i see you grow from small to taller every day since early steps just you and lady racing over me together almost falling in your urgent slower now preserving moment heavier the footprints falling and so many your descendants feel like treadmill wei...
by penguin
Sat Nov 02, 2013 9:39 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: And when we were sat in the Odeon -revised
Replies: 13
Views: 1007

Re: And when we were sat in the Odeon

Thanks all for the helpful comments. David - Remember To Leave Reality At Home was part of a trailer for a film. I become penguin whenever I write about the foster children. It's not entirely paranoia, strange things have happened. Ros. Same she throughout. She actually said "Have you left 'ality at...
by penguin
Sat Nov 02, 2013 9:22 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: And when we were sat in the Odeon -revised
Replies: 13
Views: 1007

And when we were sat in the Odeon -revised

Revised the day after the social worker phoned, Remember To Leave Reality At Home the voice from behind the curtains boomed. She said Ray, have you left ‘ality at home ? I nodded and laughed. She frowned and asked What is ‘ality, Ray? as if I were The Light, The Truth and The Way and would never dre...
by penguin
Thu Apr 11, 2013 6:47 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Grooming
Replies: 18
Views: 1395

Re: Grooming

Thanks, Seth. Who knows? I suppose it's flattering to have poems written about you but then the poems aren't that flattering, if you see what I mean. They'll have probably perfected the same studied indifference as my own children.
by penguin
Wed Apr 10, 2013 1:54 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Eton Rifle
Replies: 19
Views: 1375

Re: Eton Rifle

I like this, much of it is well-observed - standing on my lawn, for instance. It recalled, for me, another book of Orwell's, Keep The Aspidistra Flying - homage to lost youth, if you like. I'm not keen on the title and the rifle takes the poem beyond the bounds of believability. I'd suggest with a c...
by penguin
Tue Apr 09, 2013 3:24 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Winter visiting
Replies: 13
Views: 1056

Re: Winter visiting

Lovely.It’s whipped into waves and wrinkled lips - terrific and I like lines 5 and 6 very much but the cocktails, clowns disappoint with their lack of length.
A comma between Jupiter and Saturn instead of "and"?
by penguin
Tue Apr 09, 2013 3:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: And horns (revised)
Replies: 9
Views: 785

Re: And horns

Very impressive, I enjoyed it a lot. The rhythm's erratic in places and that irritated a bit - the sequence from verse 4 to 5, for example.
I'd have preferred - Minotaur, stag, hatstand. Or questing snail
by penguin
Tue Apr 09, 2013 3:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Grooming
Replies: 18
Views: 1395

Re: Grooming

Thanks, David and Ros, very kind of you. The anonymity is important, really, as the girls are still very much with us and I've probably been lax about it before. Only yesterday I was wondering how they'd feel, if they came upon the poems I've written about them, in 10,15 years time.
by penguin
Tue Apr 09, 2013 2:41 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Skips
Replies: 10
Views: 848

Re: Skips

A lot to like about this, Rich, especially At the funeral he knew that he could lift my father from his coffin, take him home and sit him in his favourite chair. But the first 4 verses seem to have lost their rhymes, if they were ever there in the first place. sobs/nod or sobbing/nodded - take it fr...
by penguin
Thu Apr 04, 2013 4:13 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Grooming
Replies: 18
Views: 1395

Re: Grooming

Thanks all for the kind comments. Be My Parent is a real online mag in which children are advertised to attract prospective adopters. I found it a shock, the whole thing, and grooming was the word that came into my head. I've stuck with grooming, in some sense trying to rescue the word from its slea...
by penguin
Wed Apr 03, 2013 7:18 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Secret Heart Attack
Replies: 13
Views: 953

Re: The Secret Heart Attack

Very good, I think. You could maybe do without these lines like some ill-fated superstar who's light has waned, with out the Supernova's waxing flower of gas and light spectacular to look more regular - why more regular? Do you need that comma at the end of the first line? the worst as over - lot be...
by penguin
Wed Apr 03, 2013 2:03 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Coordinates
Replies: 17
Views: 1216

Re: Coordinates

I'm not quite sure what the drift of the poem is but I enjoyed it all the same. Lovely opening line. try to resolve how to do it, once and for all. And return to the conclusion that a large table is needed - seems very long-winded. How about try to resolve how to do it; conclude that a large table i...
by penguin
Wed Apr 03, 2013 12:24 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Aspiration au Pont des Soupirs (Edited)
Replies: 22
Views: 1504

Re: Aspiration au Pont des Soupirs (Edited)

Very nice, Geoff. I'd like "even more green" myself, just to accentuate the rhyme. Lovely 2nd verse. graffiti-veined kiosk - very good. I'd like "where tables sport" and it's a shame you've lost the Penguin, the world needs more penguins. even doggydoo can be all too beautiful. - I don't think you n...
by penguin
Wed Apr 03, 2013 11:06 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Final broadcast
Replies: 23
Views: 1490

Re: Final broadcast

The questions regarding economic policy and its sustainability can be asked of any country, of course. Western countries have spent their largesse in the last 2 or 3 decades and the result, intended or otherwise, has been to increase the gap between rich and poor and by a marked extent. Chavez delib...
by penguin
Tue Apr 02, 2013 9:29 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Final broadcast
Replies: 23
Views: 1490

Re: Final broadcast

The statistics are pretty unequivocal. Poverty was cut by a half or more. Extreme poverty decreased by about 75%. The quality of living index showed a hefty increase. Chavez was unpopular with the middle classes. This is almost a recommendation in itself. I have no on the ground experience of Venezu...
by penguin
Tue Apr 02, 2013 2:53 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Final broadcast
Replies: 23
Views: 1490

Re: Final broadcast

I like the rhymes, mostly, though bed rhymes with spread a lot better than it does with readiness. I like these lines very much Will the stars ungroup at my approach, turn their light into a celestial coach for mi ultimo paseo? I like the poem, I think it captures the man's eccentricity very well. Y...
by penguin
Tue Apr 02, 2013 2:43 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Final broadcast
Replies: 23
Views: 1490

Re: Final broadcast

I may get round to a closer reading of the poem later but for now, short of time, I'd just like to say that probably - no, what am I talking about,- certainly the reason he remained much-loved by the poorest in Venezuelan society is that he did deliver on his promise to improve their lot. Even the m...
by penguin
Tue Apr 02, 2013 2:30 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Grooming
Replies: 18
Views: 1395

Grooming

In last month’s edition of Be My Parent you share a page with three mixed-race children in the kind of online advertisement that flashes me foresight of your future - seeking out solace from any quarter. They’ve tried to efface nature with nurture and mask the more unfortunate features of Foetal Alc...
by penguin
Sun Aug 21, 2011 7:59 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Kids on a Bridge
Replies: 13
Views: 679

Re: Kids on a Bridge

Explaining your poem afterwards is bad enough. Giving the explanation beforehand is......well, with the explanation, I think you could do without "reality hangs in the balance". Without it, I might think nothing of the sort. See what you've done? I liked the image of the mother's arms. I wonder if i...
by penguin
Sun Aug 21, 2011 7:47 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Snowmen
Replies: 8
Views: 438

Re: Snowmen

Thanks for the comments, chaps. I like the poem, I'm kind of surprised it's not understood.They say never explain your own poems. So here goes. The children flew - the kids left home. Of course, they did not really fly. Neither human nor penguin offspring can do this. and snow-hush fell - it went qu...
by penguin
Thu Aug 18, 2011 12:37 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: By Any Other Name
Replies: 32
Views: 2054

Re: By Any Other Name

David wrote:Exactly. It's like breaking into an acupuncture clinic and saying "I don't like anyone touching my feet."

Sure you don't mean Reflexology clinic?
by penguin
Thu Aug 18, 2011 10:43 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Snowmen
Replies: 8
Views: 438

Snowmen

The children flew
and snow-hush fell
upon stone
and of a morning

tattooed wounds
and woven welts
froze
pitter-patter meaning.

He bends and forges
replicas
remembrance
of passed faces.

Shovels brushes
signatures
dismembered
masterpieces.
by penguin
Thu Aug 18, 2011 10:04 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Relics of you
Replies: 6
Views: 507

Re: Relics of you

Nice poem. I liked this bit best Lilacs loll over the vase's rim their stems paddle in shallow water where fallen petals congeal- they too have suffered your absence. In fact, I'd be tempted to end on that note. I think just "a stagnant glass" would do. You'd argue with your reflection with the pati...