Search found 5376 matches

by Macavity
Tue Sep 01, 2020 8:46 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Title Changed (v4)
Replies: 15
Views: 437

Re: Title Changed (v4)

Keep the end rhyme.
by Macavity
Mon Aug 31, 2020 11:39 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: A poem that I read today by Mac
Replies: 110
Views: 12499

Re: A poem that I read today by Mac

I stopped purchasing Envoi and Poetry Wales because there were too many translations (not from Welsh either!) I thought this was stifling writing in Wales where there are so few publication opportunities. However, I am interested in other cultures, despite the issues of how well poetry translates. I...
by Macavity
Mon Aug 31, 2020 11:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Observance (revision)
Replies: 22
Views: 369

Re: Observance (revision)

Firebird wrote:
Mon Aug 31, 2020 11:12 pm
Hi Mac,

Sorry to say this, but I miss ‘It wasn't words that mattered for magic‘. I not keen on ‘unploughed’ either.

Cheers

Tristan
No probs Tristan. Thanks for revisiting. Sounds like 'I prefer the original...' as David would say :)

cheers

mac
by Macavity
Mon Aug 31, 2020 11:04 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: How many seconds are there in a day? (revision2)
Replies: 23
Views: 395

Re: How many seconds are there in a day? (revised)

muzak' undercuts the 'ancient scratched vinyl', I think. Take your point Not. I was going for a mood numbing background comfort rather than an upbeat vibe. Will tweak. I'm okay with the repetitions/uses of 'moon'. ps Why the American 'fueled'? :oops: it's like a virus, Americanisation :) Shouldn't ...
by Macavity
Mon Aug 31, 2020 10:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Title Changed (v4)
Replies: 15
Views: 437

Re: Title Changed (v4)

Do you think I could get away with this as an alternative s12 ?
Kingsman's up to something, it wasn't "serendipity",
I've seen the scene, wall and all, there's a fishy rhyme.
I don't understand Not., what's the concern?
by Macavity
Mon Aug 31, 2020 3:01 am
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: A poem that I read today by Mac
Replies: 110
Views: 12499

Re: A poem that I read today by Mac

Following on the perspective theme, a poem from Russell Jones, a contributor on another forum I once frequented, which has now ceased.

https://www.scottishpoetrylibrary.org.uk/poem/ant-swap/
by Macavity
Mon Aug 31, 2020 2:48 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Title Changed (v4)
Replies: 15
Views: 437

Re: Title Changed (v4)

Thumbs up on Plod. What happened to Horner? Rather liked Jack. listen Jack Horner, pay close attention thumbs out, pull up your socks. Stop spinning your wheels, get into gear, start acting like a woodentop. So be about your business, report to me tomorrow and don't forget the Copper's Rule – and sh...
by Macavity
Mon Aug 31, 2020 2:43 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Knee deep at the edge of the abyss
Replies: 9
Views: 397

Re: Knee deep at the edge of the abyss

hi Amadis

Swansea is in Wales :) Best to target England for colonialism! Southsea? Like the fetching flowery bonnet and replete with moustache. Preferred S1 and S2, reminded me of Katherine Mansfield.

best

mac
by Macavity
Mon Aug 31, 2020 2:27 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Life on the outskirts
Replies: 4
Views: 218

Re: Life on the outskirts

I thought the expletive worked for an anger moment.

It is best to put revised in the subject line to flag up to readers that a revision has been posted.

best

mac
by Macavity
Mon Aug 31, 2020 2:23 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Haiku Train
Replies: 7597
Views: 959588

Re: Haiku Train

Pablo Escobar
and his legend bought smiles and
hippopotami
by Macavity
Mon Aug 31, 2020 2:03 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: How many seconds are there in a day? (revision2)
Replies: 23
Views: 395

Re: How many seconds are there in a day? (revised)

'doubt is a moonless night' is a real gem , one to inspire envy
:lol: Thanks Not! I've tweaked the poem a tad, but seem to be in expansive mode at the moment, but compression is always an option, so will keep that in mind.

all the best

mac
by Macavity
Mon Aug 31, 2020 1:56 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: How many seconds are there in a day? (revision2)
Replies: 23
Views: 395

Re: How many seconds are there in a day?

I'm not sure I am qualified to offer any criticism of any worth, but I am curious on your choice of line breaks. They seem to me, the way I read the rhythm, to sometimes be out of sync. It is quite possible that I do not understand a subtle intention of yours. Pleased you enjoyed Amadis. I use enja...
by Macavity
Mon Aug 31, 2020 12:55 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The first verb
Replies: 5
Views: 202

Re: The first verb

Bacteria have no worry To be and simply be hi Amadis, Those were the best lines for me, but that is probably to do with my tastes in poetry. Of course, the opening 'to be' will inevitably draw reader comparisons with Hamlet's soliloquy, which is tough competition :) Self-awareness and its consequen...
by Macavity
Sun Aug 30, 2020 5:55 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: How many seconds are there in a day? (revision2)
Replies: 23
Views: 395

How many seconds are there in a day? (revision2)

revision2 Gabriel launches a crescent moon into the vacuum. Ennui has fueled a need for celestial distraction: doubt is a moonless night. The Cosmos lies listless, yawning, almost empty of mankind noise. The Creator survives on a drip feed of lost souls, his/her drug state much less than prescribed...
by Macavity
Sun Aug 30, 2020 5:26 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Captives
Replies: 6
Views: 228

Re: Captives

I think the image of my children waiting for a storm in their underwear has caused confusion. This is what my kids actually like to do. They wait in their underwear in our backyard so that they can dance in/enjoy the heavy summer rain and get relief/escape from the heat. I certainly didn't key into...
by Macavity
Sun Aug 30, 2020 5:03 am
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: A poem that I read today by Mac
Replies: 110
Views: 12499

Re: A poem that I read today by Mac

Poetry is a way of looking. This poem looks at the familiar territory of photography, but captures the unfamiliar the mesh of accidental cameras. The kind of poem that may affect how you experience the rest of your day.

https://typishly.com/2018/09/10/our-souls-refracted-through-a-mesh/
by Macavity
Sat Aug 29, 2020 4:10 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Life on the outskirts
Replies: 4
Views: 218

Re: Life on the outskirts

hi Amadis

Perhaps survival is a matter of compromise, but you are right: there is a 'soiling' in the economics and peace comes at a price. The UK is a major arms exporter (often to repressive regimes).

best

mac
by Macavity
Sat Aug 29, 2020 3:39 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Observance (revision)
Replies: 22
Views: 369

Re: Observance (revision)

Thanks Not. I'm happy with the transition from gazing to seeing. I like the notion of magic being freed. I think I'm finished with this one, but will try it on some other forums. Thanks again for the help.

all the best

mac
by Macavity
Sat Aug 29, 2020 3:07 am
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: A poem that I read today by Mac
Replies: 110
Views: 12499

Re: A poem that I read today by Mac

My default thinking is that punctuation provides a tool to 'orchestrate' a read. I have the impression that some poets find punctuation 'dirty' and like to keep the poem clean: punctuation seen as a visual, distracting clutter or just another difficulty a poet can do without (despite confusing the r...
by Macavity
Fri Aug 28, 2020 9:12 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Title Changed (v4)
Replies: 15
Views: 437

Re: Police Procedural (was Untitled)

Not keen on the new title, a bit ordinary...you could play with some TV cop show titles?
by Macavity
Fri Aug 28, 2020 8:51 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Observance (revision)
Replies: 22
Views: 369

Re: Observance (revision)

Given me a lot to think about there Perry, especially the tense and shorter line options. Appreciated. I like 'brown', though it prompted thoughts of desolate fields. To be honest 'fallow field' for me is merely an agricultural description rather than a writing cliche, but I will edit for now. The n...
by Macavity
Fri Aug 28, 2020 8:42 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Observance (revision)
Replies: 22
Views: 369

Re: Observance (revision)

associated with Rowan's and witches
Pleased that was picked up Not.
in flight, but felt that shared quiet.
It wasn't words that mattered for magic
A that too many? :) Tweaked the last line, but still pondering!

cheers

mac
by Macavity
Fri Aug 28, 2020 2:51 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Observance (revision)
Replies: 22
Views: 369

Re: Observance

hi Not, Yes, I had considered amble , but I preferred the softer sounds of stroll . It is after this nostalgic stroll that she stops off at the 'sitting place'. I wasn't suggesting the 'names' were magic. I meant to convey that in life it was the quiet not the words that was shared. I could re-write...
by Macavity
Fri Aug 28, 2020 1:41 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Observance (revision)
Replies: 22
Views: 369

Re: Observance

Not entirely convinced by 'sitting place' or 'shared quiet' Thanks for revisiting Not. I presumed your doubts were referencing the above. I'm comfortable with 'stroll' for a mood setter, time given for a leisurely amble like she did with her gran (though the image of a jog with gran is a thought :l...
by Macavity
Fri Aug 28, 2020 7:59 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Observance (revision)
Replies: 22
Views: 369

Re: Observance

Thanks Not, Tristan and Perry. All very helpful and muchly appreciated. The original title was meant to connect to communing with the dead in pagan belief, but the title had too many other connotations. Perry you should speculate more often for you had the pulse of the poem! :) I'll have a ponder ab...