Search found 4404 matches

by brianedwards
Sun Jul 05, 2015 11:32 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The art of packing for a trip
Replies: 25
Views: 2737

Re: Pants

The idea is that she got back into shape after giving birth. Hence mother. Maybe "got back into shape" is needed?

B.
by brianedwards
Sun Jul 05, 2015 11:26 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Outside of Enough
Replies: 11
Views: 1220

Re: The Outside of Enough

Enjoyed Ray. My initial feeling was to lose the first and last stanza, but of course that diminishes the overriding thesis, so I'm wondering if you could cut the 1st and somehow combine the idea with the latter half of the last stanza to create a new closing stanza. Make sense? Stronger without the ...
by brianedwards
Sun Jul 05, 2015 10:37 am
Forum: Post Visual Art
Topic: Two Towers of power: New and Old
Replies: 4
Views: 2419

Re: Two Towers of power: New and Old

Very striking. Damn. I miss London.

B.
by brianedwards
Sun Jul 05, 2015 9:08 am
Forum: Any Other Business
Topic: Freedom!
Replies: 4
Views: 1435

Re: Freedom!

No corn on the cob in Finland. Hmm.
Personally I can't stand the stuff. Did you see Interstellar? A future where corn is the only crop that can still be farmed - that's the worst post-apocalyptic scenario ever!

B.
by brianedwards
Sun Jul 05, 2015 8:51 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: On Malick's Thin Red Line
Replies: 22
Views: 2100

On Malick's Thin Red Line

On Malick's Thin Red Line Ignore the men in the floating steel crate, the blaze of sun on the crest of a hill, palm trees smeared with human blood, flattened fields of ripened wheat, the sway of kunai grass or the aboriginal face of innocence. Focus on the butterfly folded in the reeds, whose fligh...
by brianedwards
Sat Jul 04, 2015 8:34 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The taste of fresh strawberries (revised)
Replies: 10
Views: 1162

Re: The taste of fresh strawberries (revised)

Seems pretty clear to me Mac. Too clear? Dunno.

B.
by brianedwards
Sat Jul 04, 2015 7:38 am
Forum: Any Other Business
Topic: Freedom!
Replies: 4
Views: 1435

Freedom!

Happy July 4th to all our American members. Enjoy the fireworks.

B.
by brianedwards
Fri Jul 03, 2015 10:34 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The art of packing for a trip
Replies: 25
Views: 2737

Re: Pants

I have another sestina titled Fun With Black Ships. How about Fun With Underpants?
by brianedwards
Fri Jul 03, 2015 9:10 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The art of packing for a trip
Replies: 25
Views: 2737

Re: Pants

Retitled.

B.
by brianedwards
Fri Jul 03, 2015 8:39 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The theology of Basil Fotherington-Thomas
Replies: 11
Views: 1323

Re: The theology of Basil Fotherington-Thomas

David wrote:
If I was going to change that bit, whilst preserving the pun, I might go for

Everything about him
says a sissy


Cheers, Bri

David
An improvement I think.

B.
by brianedwards
Fri Jul 03, 2015 8:16 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The art of packing for a trip
Replies: 25
Views: 2737

Re: I'm afraid this one has been declined too, Sir

Never too late to start. Boxer briefs make great bunny rabbits.

B.
by brianedwards
Fri Jul 03, 2015 7:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The art of packing for a trip
Replies: 25
Views: 2737

Re: I'm afraid this one has been declined too, Sir

Ros wrote: Packing demands you find fun
and funny origami in men's pants;

Really?

Ros
Apparently.

Cheers me dear.

B.
by brianedwards
Fri Jul 03, 2015 7:04 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: The First Football Game of the Season
Replies: 16
Views: 1506

Re: The First Football Game of the Season

Nicely handled JJ.
Fun.

B.
by brianedwards
Fri Jul 03, 2015 6:43 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The art of packing for a trip
Replies: 25
Views: 2737

Re: I'm afraid this one has been declined too, Sir

ray miller wrote:
I don't think it is about a woman maniacally dealing with an ultimatum but I'll come back tomorrow when I'm sober.
Nor did I!

Title is a place marker. Suggestions welcome.
Good point about italics.

Thanks Ray.

B.
by brianedwards
Fri Jul 03, 2015 6:31 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The art of packing for a trip
Replies: 25
Views: 2737

Re: I'm afraid this one has been declined too, Sir

Yeah repetition is the point. I thought the form fit. Maybe not. Oh well.

Cheers.

B.
by brianedwards
Fri Jul 03, 2015 6:46 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The art of packing for a trip
Replies: 25
Views: 2737

The art of packing for a trip

The art of packing for a trip is an apt metaphor for marriage, she thinks, rolling up his pants into pocket-sized canisters of fun: it's simply the negotiation of space, manipulating objects into shape, much like she got herself back into shape to quickstep wires she'd seen trip other wives. Appare...
by brianedwards
Fri Jul 03, 2015 4:52 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The taste of fresh strawberries (revised)
Replies: 10
Views: 1162

Re: The taste of fresh strawberries

Mac, My ear wants to hear "broke up" in the first line, and also perhaps a hint as to what the mosaic was or looked like, just to add some colour? I like "opaque as the universe" but I'd need to check with Ros as to its accuracy. Couldn't get a handle on "mushroom bliss" but do like the sound of tho...
by brianedwards
Wed Jul 01, 2015 2:06 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Occam all ye faithful
Replies: 16
Views: 1713

Re: Occam all ye faithful

Thanks chaps.

B.
by brianedwards
Tue Jun 30, 2015 11:10 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Not reading on
Replies: 20
Views: 2850

Re: Not reading on

Thought I'd commented on this. Nicely handled, as expected. Also agree that line 18 is long, and wondered if "lucid" might replace "pretty good"? Also thought the 1st stanza a bit plodding. Could it be be cut and perhaps replaced with a better title?

B.
by brianedwards
Tue Jun 30, 2015 12:12 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Art Nouveau
Replies: 10
Views: 971

Re: Art Nouveau

I'm certainly not offended. I was merely confused as to how intellectualism might be somehow deemed objectionable in poetry, or why a poet should be concerned with accessibility.

B.
by brianedwards
Tue Jun 30, 2015 10:54 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Art Nouveau
Replies: 10
Views: 971

Re: Art Nouveau

Many thanks Tristan and JJ.

I'm baffled by the charge of intellectualism, but perhaps that makes me stupid.

Cheers me peers.

B.
by brianedwards
Tue Jun 30, 2015 1:55 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Art Nouveau
Replies: 10
Views: 971

Re: Art Nouveau

Thanks all. Glad it raised some smiles.

B.
by brianedwards
Tue Jun 30, 2015 1:44 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The theology of Basil Fotherington-Thomas
Replies: 11
Views: 1323

Re: The theology of Basil Fotherington-Thomas

I hadn't noticed the pun David, possibly because (a) the word "sissy" is so familiar from the books and (2) it's a bit of stretch vowel-wise. To be honest, it's a bit lame in my opinions. Puns, by their nature, tend to be so... Anyway, the issue is with the word complexion methinks. In this context,...
by brianedwards
Mon Jun 29, 2015 12:21 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: That Day He Didn't Die Again
Replies: 16
Views: 1292

Re: That Day He Didn't Die Again

ray miller wrote:
David - I can't see the problem with line 8 or 9.
Me neither.

This for feature? Anyone?

B.
by brianedwards
Mon Jun 29, 2015 5:37 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Art Nouveau
Replies: 10
Views: 971

Art Nouveau

Art Nouveau You think I'm chic now, you should have seen me in a previous life: I'd have danced seven bells of merde out of you, left you for mort on the shore of a smile. Don't doubt you for a second my dear, he thinks, unhooking her from the wall, determined to take her for one last whiplash roun...