Search found 4396 matches

by brianedwards
Thu Jul 31, 2008 8:25 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The yew
Replies: 23
Views: 1290

Re: The yew

I think you've nailed the problem David. You wrote a poem about a yew as a metaphor for Leslie Phillips! As Barrie, I'd like to se you develop this, but along different lines. I don't think you have to hug a tree to write about one and developing a poem from a book is as good a muse as any. It's wha...
by brianedwards
Thu Jul 31, 2008 1:45 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Okies after John Steinbeck's Grapes of Wrath
Replies: 19
Views: 1129

Re: Okies (a response to Steinbeck's Grapes of Wrath)

Very nice Elphin.
I'm not of the poetry-should-contain-no-articles-preps-pronouns-brigade, but I do think you cold trim a few of those the's in 1S.

Very enjoyabe, thanks.

B.
by brianedwards
Thu Jul 31, 2008 1:31 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The yew
Replies: 23
Views: 1290

Re: The yew

I think I'm hearing a slight change in voice as I read through. Perhaps intended (and I understand why it might be) but it's a bit too bumpy for me. debonair/cocks/-like all set up something perky and maybe a little irreverent. This isn't played through to the end. I think you might have a good look...
by brianedwards
Thu Jul 31, 2008 1:23 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Conduction
Replies: 8
Views: 660

Re: Conduction

Thanks for all the looks. I'm always surprised by the different reactions this one gets. The ambivance is intended of course, and I love that some of readers try to puzzle it out and come to wholy different conclusions. I'll accept thatkindly as some success. Still, theres always been somethin that ...
by brianedwards
Thu Jul 31, 2008 1:20 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: How does it feel (explicit language)
Replies: 22
Views: 1441

Re: How does it feel (explicit language)

Thanks for all the comments.
This has been around for a while, and is a good piece for performance, as suggested.
Curious note about this one: it's been much better recieved in the US and Japan than with a UK readership. Can't figure out why that might be . . .
Anyway, cheers!

B.
by brianedwards
Tue Jul 29, 2008 8:35 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Conduction
Replies: 8
Views: 660

Conduction

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by brianedwards
Mon Jul 28, 2008 8:31 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: How does it feel (explicit language)
Replies: 22
Views: 1441

Re: How does it feel (explicit language)

No problem at all Barrie. Can't win 'em all.
This has been well received elsewhere, and I'm sure it'll receive equal amounts of negative reaction.

Thanks for looking.

B.
by brianedwards
Mon Jul 28, 2008 1:40 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: How does it feel (explicit language)
Replies: 22
Views: 1441

Re: How does it feel (explicit language)

Thanks SS.

Too long? LOL - not a fan of Ginsberg or TS Eliot then?

Thanks for peeking in - looking forward to that review.

B.
by brianedwards
Mon Jul 28, 2008 1:38 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Nosebags and Donkey Stones
Replies: 13
Views: 951

Re: Nosebags and Donkey Stones

Excellent barrie. Very evocative of time and place and the V is clear and consistent.
No nits or suggestions from me - just praise for a very well done piece.

Cheers.

B.
by brianedwards
Mon Jul 28, 2008 1:07 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: How does it feel (explicit language)
Replies: 22
Views: 1441

Re: How does it feel (explicit language)

No takers on this one?

Is it the explicit language warning putting people off? It's stated in tthe guidelines but I have noticed some posters ignore this. What's the deal?
Hey, I'm new - don't wanna go ruffling any feathers . . . .

Cheers.

B.
by brianedwards
Mon Jul 28, 2008 12:42 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: On the beach - edited
Replies: 10
Views: 766

Re: On the beach

Sorry Dave, I have to disagree with that end rhyme suggestion I'm afraid. I think it would sound forced and unnatural - everything an end rhyme shouldn't be. Also, it would change the lovely laid-back narrative voice that's crafted here. This is a very good poem that needs tweaking in the middle to ...
by brianedwards
Mon Jul 28, 2008 12:39 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Dead Perch
Replies: 9
Views: 677

Re: Dead Perch

Billows you inert, perhaps?

Did I mention I love the eye fixed on the sky? Suggestive of the human condition - one eye on the heavens.
If intended, that's excellent writing.

Enjoyed reading this again today.

B.
by brianedwards
Sun Jul 27, 2008 11:56 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: On the beach - edited
Replies: 10
Views: 766

Re: On the beach

Hi Sharra Enjoyed this a lot. Some excellent images and intelligent stanza breaks. S1 and 3 are superbly controlled and executed. Wondering about S2 though and what's so funny about sea salt. Maybe you might find something stronger there. I do love the idea that our laughter remains the same though....
by brianedwards
Sun Jul 27, 2008 8:04 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Aspirations
Replies: 10
Views: 725

Re: Aspirations

Hi Elphin Sorry, this didn't work for me. The poem adds up only to the sum of the language and I can't find a pulse. The internal rhymes are clever, but add nothing. The repetitions grated a little. I think there is an interesting topical statement in there somewhere, but to make it work, there need...
by brianedwards
Sun Jul 27, 2008 1:17 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Dead Perch
Replies: 9
Views: 677

Re: Dead Perch

Very nicely captured Kris.

Something is grabbing me by the ear, syntax-wise with this

The gentle ponds rise
arches your tiger middle,
billows you innate;

Also, I need to think long and hard about the use of innate.

but, thoroughly enjoyed despite these minor nits.

Cheers!

B.
by brianedwards
Sun Jul 27, 2008 1:08 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: How does it feel (explicit language)
Replies: 22
Views: 1441

How does it feel (explicit language)

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by brianedwards
Sat Jul 26, 2008 7:36 am
Forum: Hello, Good Evening and Welcome
Topic: New guy
Replies: 10
Views: 1743

Re: New guy

barrie wrote:
Can you get black pudding in Japan?
LOL! You can barely find a good sausage!

(Plenty of good food though!)
by brianedwards
Sat Jul 26, 2008 7:21 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Entre Nous
Replies: 3
Views: 470

Re: Entre Nous

Hi sneaker I agree with Dante. Although there is definitely some interesting things going on here, it's difficult for the reader to get inside the poem. I don't mind if thepoem has a "message" or not, but I need a way in. One exercise that works for me sometimes, is to consider what my theme or stor...
by brianedwards
Sat Jul 26, 2008 1:18 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Stomach pumped
Replies: 4
Views: 451

Re: Stomach pumped

Hi camus (cool name) Enjoyed the feel of this, if not exactly the subject matter. Pretty intense stuff. Something is jarring between 1st and 2nd S, though I can't quite put my finger on it. Perhaps its a slight change in voice, or the texture of the language. S1 is raw and vivid whereas it softens a...
by brianedwards
Thu Jul 24, 2008 12:57 pm
Forum: Hello, Good Evening and Welcome
Topic: New guy
Replies: 10
Views: 1743

Re: New guy

Thanks for the welcomes and the Hajime Mashite!
(Whereabouts in NW England Barrie? I'm a Rochdale lad meself!!)

Be seeing you all about the place no doubt!

Cheers.

B.
by brianedwards
Tue Jul 22, 2008 7:50 am
Forum: Hello, Good Evening and Welcome
Topic: New guy
Replies: 10
Views: 1743

New guy

Hi My name is Brian. I'm an Englishman now living in Japan with my wife and 2 kids. I've been writing poetry for almost a decade. I also used to write short stories and screenplays, but time doesn't allow for much of that these days. The quality on here seems to be pretty high, so I hope I can add t...