Search found 4396 matches

by brianedwards
Wed Jul 08, 2015 1:30 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Victoriana
Replies: 12
Views: 1978

Re: Victoriana

Forgot to mention those stanza breaks. I agree. Some of the end rhymes are a stretch anyway I think, to my ear, so you would gain more than you'd lose in adjusting. Still really rolling with this one though. You recently responded to one of my poems by saying you feel like packing in writing. Much a...
by brianedwards
Wed Jul 08, 2015 8:34 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: On Malick's Thin Red Line
Replies: 22
Views: 2216

Re: On Malick's Thin Red Line

I think it's probably kunai grass, which I use later, hence my problem.
Thinking on. Great notes, thanks.

B.
by brianedwards
Wed Jul 08, 2015 7:53 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Accompaniment
Replies: 9
Views: 1030

Re: Accompaniment

Confused by both the first and last line. The start is a bit abrupt, an effect I do often like, but here it bumps me out for some reason. And the last line, rose reads like an extension of the feast idea, which is odd. Probably just me. The layers also jarred for me, but it seemed obvious the repeti...
by brianedwards
Wed Jul 08, 2015 7:47 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: On Malick's Thin Red Line
Replies: 22
Views: 2216

Re: On Malick's Thin Red Line

How about palm trees instead?
by brianedwards
Wed Jul 08, 2015 5:09 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Victoriana
Replies: 12
Views: 1978

Re: Victoriana

Beautifully done Mr Bones. The metaphor holds together well all the way down. It's quite a leap you're asking the reader to make too, but it rewards the imagination. Only nit for me is right at the start: "First things" - is that a typo?

Fine work.

B.
by brianedwards
Tue Jul 07, 2015 10:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: On Malick's Thin Red Line
Replies: 22
Views: 2216

Re: On Malick's Thin Red Line

Thanks JJ.

Replaced the heather with landscapes for now until I finish my degree in South Pacific botany and can offer something more specific.

B.
by brianedwards
Tue Jul 07, 2015 9:54 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: On Malick's Thin Red Line
Replies: 22
Views: 2216

Re: On Malick's Thin Red Line

I've just been informed that Guadalcanal does not have heather. Huh.

B.
by brianedwards
Tue Jul 07, 2015 7:48 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Getting energy from the sun
Replies: 19
Views: 1712

Re: Getting energy from the sun

I'm confused about the whole sonnet discussion. This is not a sonnet. Not even close.
Good poem. Not a sonnet.


B.
by brianedwards
Tue Jul 07, 2015 7:40 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Getting energy from the sun
Replies: 19
Views: 1712

Re: Getting energy from the sun

Yes, I concede, breathing takes precedence over position , --- an em dash or colon maybe, instead of the comma? that is one of your constants. I saw a documentary once --- personally I'd prefer "once saw", but that could just be how I speak. about a man who'd been released after serving time for mur...
by brianedwards
Mon Jul 06, 2015 9:54 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: On Malick's Thin Red Line
Replies: 22
Views: 2216

Re: On Malick's Thin Red Line

The Thin Red Line is the only English language film of the last 25 years that I'd put on my personal list of all time greats. (Three Colours: Blue, City of God and Pan's Labyrinth are the others)

Thanks for all the engagement. Now go and watch the film, all of you. Philistines.

:roll:

B.
by brianedwards
Mon Jul 06, 2015 1:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Nominate features!
Replies: 90
Views: 52834

Re: Nominate features!

1 mod plus 1 norm = :consider:
by brianedwards
Mon Jul 06, 2015 12:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: On Malick's Thin Red Line
Replies: 22
Views: 2216

Re: On Malick's Thin Red Line

It's a fairly well known image from the film, for those who know the film.

B.
by brianedwards
Mon Jul 06, 2015 11:47 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: On Malick's Thin Red Line
Replies: 22
Views: 2216

Re: On Malick's Thin Red Line

Btw Ray, wot's Ah Grasshopper? Is it Kung fu?

B.
by brianedwards
Mon Jul 06, 2015 11:26 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: On Malick's Thin Red Line
Replies: 22
Views: 2216

Re: On Malick's Thin Red Line

Shame on both of you for not knowing what the title referred to. See me after school. :roll: Thanks muchly both of yer. Hadn't anticipated either of your responses actually, feeling it was pretty straight forward stuff. Hmmm. Glad you got there with the help of a The Big G Suzanne, but also saddens ...
by brianedwards
Mon Jul 06, 2015 11:19 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Outside of Enough
Replies: 11
Views: 1242

Re: The Outside of Enough

An epigraph perhaps? It doesn't seem a very Ray thing to do, but variety, spice, etc.

Still enjoying this.

B.
by brianedwards
Mon Jul 06, 2015 11:13 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Getting energy from the sun
Replies: 19
Views: 1712

Re: Getting energy from the sun

cooly - typo

Stunning. Right up there with your best I think Suzanne. Will return with a more critical eye and ear (particularly regards punctuation), but for now: Bravo.

B.
by brianedwards
Mon Jul 06, 2015 11:09 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The old house dreams they are still there
Replies: 7
Views: 1997

Re: The old house dreams they are still there

Well, I kinda like clocks. But maybe spots, or simply sees? Notes definitely feels wrong to me. Children don't note.

B.
by brianedwards
Mon Jul 06, 2015 11:07 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The art of packing for a trip
Replies: 25
Views: 2864

Re: Pants

Just remembered the Sestina Workshop we attempted a while back. http://www.poetsgraves.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?f=42&t=14327&p=113394&hilit=Sestina+workshop#p113394 It ended up a car wreck because of trolls we had at that time, but I wonder if something like this isn't worth trying again? I'd be up...
by brianedwards
Mon Jul 06, 2015 10:57 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The art of packing for a trip
Replies: 25
Views: 2864

Re: Pants

Cheers me peers.
Took a shot with scream. I guess it could be argued it's off key. May well change that after all Ray. Thinking on...

B.
by brianedwards
Mon Jul 06, 2015 10:38 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Nominate features!
Replies: 90
Views: 52834

Re: Nominate features!

Insufficient interest it seems. People can of course still nominate for features. And do, on occasion, when in the mood. In passing, I am not sure I see why there needs to be any "nominated by the mods" stage anyway, some input from the House of Lords. Why not have it as sufficient to be a candidat...
by brianedwards
Mon Jul 06, 2015 3:21 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Nominate features!
Replies: 90
Views: 52834

Re: Nominate features!

So what happened to this idea then?

B.
by brianedwards
Sun Jul 05, 2015 2:05 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The art of packing for a trip
Replies: 25
Views: 2864

Re: Pants

Slight tweak to that section.

Ros, I think a lack of concentration says more about you, or about stuff, than it does a 400 year poetic tradition...


B.
by brianedwards
Sun Jul 05, 2015 1:14 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Not reading on
Replies: 20
Views: 2949

Re: Not reading on

What? Lucidity is an everyday conversation for me. You obviously don't socialise with teachers enough :roll:

B.
by brianedwards
Sun Jul 05, 2015 12:44 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The art of packing for a trip
Replies: 25
Views: 2864

Re: Pants

David, thank you. You know, the ideal title for this, just struck me, is the Japanese expression used when leave taking: 行ってきます - Ittekimasu - which means literally to go and then return. Perfect here for its irony, I think. But of course, being an English language poem, it's much too obscure. Think...
by brianedwards
Sun Jul 05, 2015 11:39 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The taste of fresh strawberries (revised)
Replies: 10
Views: 1187

Re: The taste of fresh strawberries (revised)

I see an old vase, a wedding gift, being used as a makeshift plant pot that eventually gives forth fresh fruit. And the speaker is using the memories and experiences of the painful dissolution of that marriage, to bring their new life to fruition. I may be wrong, but I'm enjoying that read very much...