Search found 4396 matches

by brianedwards
Fri Jun 26, 2015 9:30 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Those Unfortunate Enough
Replies: 7
Views: 711

Re: Those Unfortunate Enough

I'll try again later. Thanks.

B.
by brianedwards
Fri Jun 26, 2015 8:52 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Those Unfortunate Enough
Replies: 7
Views: 711

Re: Those Unfortunate Enough

Ouch. Thanks for looking.

B.
by brianedwards
Fri Jun 26, 2015 8:04 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Those Unfortunate Enough
Replies: 7
Views: 711

Those Unfortunate Enough

Those Unfortunate Enough That's an angel not a poet he has nothing to say just golden wings maybe a harp the wings beat a blank page feathers fall sentence shaped then blow away when he lands he straps them to his back with twine wears a checked lumber shirt tries to speak in the vernacular if only...
by brianedwards
Fri Jun 26, 2015 6:07 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: CSI Münster
Replies: 20
Views: 1681

Re: CSI Münster

Thanks Chris, good points. And thanks again Ros.

B.
by brianedwards
Thu Jun 25, 2015 9:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: CSI Münster
Replies: 20
Views: 1681

Re: CSI Münster

Thanks Ros. The siege of Münster was arguably the most brutal event of the reformation.
The poem is drivel I know, but thanks for the encouragement.

B.
by brianedwards
Thu Jun 25, 2015 9:23 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Hollow -edit
Replies: 25
Views: 2569

Re: Hollow

the flesh of my forehead
What a peculiar turn of phrase. One of the least fleshy parts of the body, surely?

Nicely turned, but you did try my patience a little in getting there. Rosemary's point is a good one.

B.
by brianedwards
Thu Jun 25, 2015 9:15 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Getting our passports stamped
Replies: 23
Views: 1769

Re: Getting our passports stamped

Ian, I meant that I'm struggling with the combination of verb and preposition in "lack/into". Could be my failing, but I don't know how to understand the idea of lacking into something. I forgot to mention that I don't care what the poem is about, so please don't feel you need to explain. This threa...
by brianedwards
Thu Jun 25, 2015 9:03 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: CSI Münster
Replies: 20
Views: 1681

Re: CSI Münster

Where can't Luther's prints be found David? Münster is one of the more obvious places I'd have thought. Anyway, many thanks to both of you. It's a dull piece, poetically speaking, but still trying to loosen up those muscles. For the record, my colleagues in the history department think it's shite. B.
by brianedwards
Thu Jun 25, 2015 1:39 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: For Ann Lovett (CTG)
Replies: 9
Views: 1553

Re: For Ann Lovett (CTG)

Earlier the January wind crossed the patchwork of fields, swirled drystone walls, ruffled wool of sheep, drove starlings like duckshot across the gunmetal sky. Normally she'd have gone to school, in anorak and jumpers, size and scissors hidden, walked to the grassy hillock with its sheepcreep paths...
by brianedwards
Thu Jun 25, 2015 1:08 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: That Day He Didn't Die Again
Replies: 16
Views: 1324

Re: That Day He Didn't Die

Thanks all. A poem I like, and I sense others aren't so keen. C'est la vie. Not so at all! I like this very much and didn't comment sooner because I wanted to revisit and absorb. It's lovely, elegiac and musical. I disagree that not enough happens: I think just the exact amount happens actually! An...
by brianedwards
Thu Jun 25, 2015 12:06 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: five methods converge upon a single outcome
Replies: 3
Views: 550

Re: five methods converge upon a single outcome

Powerful stuff Brendan. Best of yours I've read in a while, though I have been absent of course.

For crissake don't choose option IV will you, it doesn't half bugger up the commute. :roll:

Deserves more reads this one.

B.
by brianedwards
Thu Jun 25, 2015 11:31 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Getting our passports stamped
Replies: 23
Views: 1769

Re: Getting our passports stamped

I don't have a grasp of the whole but it gave me the feeling of a long lay-over in an airport. Perhaps immigrants waiting for permission to enter? Anyhow, I like its effect and how it chimes. Slightly balked at "into the sun" which I still can't quite compute. If you don't want to evoke thoughts of ...
by brianedwards
Thu Jun 25, 2015 8:57 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: CSI Münster
Replies: 20
Views: 1681

CSI Münster

CSI Münster Seventy miles away the booms are heard: the Devil and His Mother demanding entry. The women plug the holes with mud and ribbons of flesh, chocks of bone, the starved and slain more valuable in death. Beyond the wall, another, built to trap the banished, the unbaptized and turncoats; a n...
by brianedwards
Thu Jun 25, 2015 6:37 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: For Ann Lovett (CTG)
Replies: 9
Views: 1553

Re: For Ann Lovett (CTG)

Revisited in light of the above comments. I agree it might work as a story, but not, currently, in the opinion of this reader, as a poem.
I do think, having reread it a number of times, that stanzas 2-5 hold potential, but I still find the surrounding stanzas problematic.

B.
by brianedwards
Wed Jun 24, 2015 11:11 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: For Ann Lovett (CTG)
Replies: 9
Views: 1553

Re: For Ann Lovett (CTG)

Hello Christopher, I'm afraid this is doing nothing for this reader. However, drove starlings like duckshot across the gunmetal sky. is excellent, the clear highlight in what is otherwise a cloyingly prosaic effort. The poem not so much wears its heart on its sleeve as wears its heart as a sleeve: a...
by brianedwards
Wed Jun 24, 2015 12:53 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Laureate
Replies: 1
Views: 392

Re: The Laureate

Like this Henry, once again a subtle trickle of liquid running throughout the poem, but this time with that release at the end.
Similar to my comment on your sonnet, is "gently" implied by simmering?
Not sure about the rustling throats, but otherwise nicely wrought.

B.
by brianedwards
Tue Jun 23, 2015 12:57 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Sonnet
Replies: 9
Views: 1097

Re: Sonnet

Ros wrote:Not sure I'm seeing enough of a volta etc to call it a sonnet.
I strongly, and respectfully, disagree!

B.
by brianedwards
Tue Jun 23, 2015 12:22 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Sonnet
Replies: 9
Views: 1097

Re: Sonnet

ray miller wrote:
A proper title wouldn't go amiss.
This.

B.
by brianedwards
Tue Jun 23, 2015 12:18 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Taiwanese Lessons (Revision 4)
Replies: 31
Views: 3301

Re: Taiwanese Lessons (Revision 3)

I didn't like the original, but it had an integrity that I think has been lost.

B.
by brianedwards
Tue Jun 23, 2015 4:24 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Junk Cow
Replies: 13
Views: 1345

Re: Junk Cow

The first 12 lines are excellent, sonically compelling and visually stunning. You lose me a little after that I'm afraid. I'm grammatically confused by "from the shambles of a back/its welded petrol cans/crushed by rock and silage" and lexically so by "fallen tarn". The following lines continue to b...
by brianedwards
Tue Jun 23, 2015 4:14 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Sonnet
Replies: 9
Views: 1097

Re: Sonnet

I like the subtle references to water throughout and the understated rhymes in the sestet. Not so keen on some of the modifiers used, particularly "slow" which is implied by "lumber". I had a little difficulty connecting the sound of voices to the image of bees, particularly as you use the word "abs...
by brianedwards
Sun Jun 21, 2015 10:18 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Date Night
Replies: 19
Views: 1843

Re: Date Night

Thank you Richard, very nice to hear from you after some time.

In an earlier draft I had "the" preceding both crystal and china. I wonder if it's not clearer with the article?

B.
by brianedwards
Sun Jun 21, 2015 12:25 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Taiwanese Lessons (Revision 4)
Replies: 31
Views: 3301

Re: Taiwanese Lessons (Revision 1)

I didn't mention it earlier, as I felt certain that others would: how does a famished wolf study?

B.
by brianedwards
Thu Jun 18, 2015 10:20 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Taiwanese Lessons (Revision 4)
Replies: 31
Views: 3301

Re: Taiwanese Lessons

JJ, there's a difference between 1st person narrative and autobiography.

My point about the word "Orient" was regarding the connotations it carries. I thought it was considered a little old fashioned these days. I hadn't come across it for some time.

B.
by brianedwards
Thu Jun 18, 2015 7:55 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Revised & renamed: Change Your Living in Liverpool (66/101*)
Replies: 6
Views: 925

Re: Revised & renamed: Change Your Living in Liverpool (66/1

Agree with Peter that the title is rubbish. The poem is a definite improvement, a little less teen angsty, and though the philosophical musing at the end is more fish than Freud, it is certainly welcome. Still don't get the icing line though. A strange combination of words there. Trying too hard met...