Search found 1324 matches

by Sharra
Fri Sep 24, 2010 6:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Potholing - edited
Replies: 10
Views: 605

Potholing - edited

new version Yesterday I pulsed in sympathy with these ancient waterways, the torrents that rushed through them, the jigsawed rocks. But here, stumbling over this high tide line, I cling to the glimmer of your torch as your voice rebounds off slick walls. I try to reply, but the sharpness of flint s...
by Sharra
Fri Sep 24, 2010 6:50 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: Stuck in the idiom. Two eyes to see.
Replies: 24
Views: 1380

Re: Stuck in the idiom. Two eyes to see.

Welcome to PG Annwn :) Like Ros I found it a little difficult to get underneath this. It feels far too abstract, and far too cluttered with words for the sake of it. Again like Ros, I’d suggest that you pick out those more definite images – the wheels of the hearse, the portrait of the prophet, the ...
by Sharra
Fri Sep 24, 2010 4:03 pm
Forum: Any Other Business
Topic: The web and Prufrock
Replies: 3
Views: 614

Re: The web and Prufrock

teehee
And when I am banhammered, sprawling on a pin,
When I am banned and wriggling on the wall,
is this what mods are sposed to do then? :lol:
by Sharra
Fri Sep 24, 2010 3:59 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: So close!
Replies: 4
Views: 666

Re: So close!

Well done! That's really impressive.
Yes please, where do I sign up for the masterclasses? :mrgreen:
Nicky
x
by Sharra
Fri Sep 24, 2010 3:58 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Art of Stoning
Replies: 49
Views: 2793

Re: The Art of Stoning

Wow! This whacked me round the face as I read, very powerful stuff.
I think I will need to come back before I can be objective as I'm too caught up in the emotions of it on first reading.
Nicky
x
by Sharra
Fri Sep 24, 2010 3:53 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Ice cream
Replies: 14
Views: 874

Re: Ice cream

Thanks for the comments :) Ros, 'crunch' is a great suggestion. Ray, I'll have another look at the ending as it felt a little weak to me too. aaron and calico - thanks. Brian, I don't want any punctuation in it, the lines are sposed to flow on so that bit could be read 'even now I’ve shed my caterpi...
by Sharra
Fri Sep 24, 2010 3:47 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Partially when
Replies: 23
Views: 1124

Re: Partially when

brianedwards wrote:
Ros wrote:
bodkin wrote:I never realised the coat was the horse's. I thought you wanted to put it on...
yes, I gather nobody got that.

Don't kid yerself lady --- yer not that clever . . . :roll:
Ahhhh - I didn't get that either, I thought the N was getting a little chilly.... :lol:
Oops!
by Sharra
Fri Sep 24, 2010 3:43 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: .....
Replies: 14
Views: 941

Re: war fork

Hi aaron At first I wasn’t sure about this one, but got drawn back to it. It definitely has something – there’s some great lines in here. I really liked 'made a world of signs, meanings, husks, things that died in the world / made a world white, dead, oxidised as lime, dry, black, old as coal ' I ag...
by Sharra
Thu Sep 23, 2010 7:55 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Clearwater Diner
Replies: 13
Views: 800

Re: Clearwater Diner

Hi Suzanne - I didnt mean to miss off the first stanza - I just don't think my editing head kicked in on that one as I really liked it.
by Sharra
Thu Sep 23, 2010 4:10 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Ice cream
Replies: 14
Views: 874

Ice cream

I like this room. The barely-used bed poised over floorboards that I sweep everyday whilst looking out over the garden where I burrowed into the ground and the mud compacted under my fingernails clings to my skin like the way names stick even now I’ve shed my caterpillar fat and I’m as light as a bu...
by Sharra
Thu Sep 23, 2010 4:08 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Ineffable
Replies: 22
Views: 1307

Re: Ineffable

Ray - this made me smile :) You have some great lines in here. I really liked 'Saturday night had swindled the sky out of stars' and I in fact wonder if you could start the poem here - I think it would make a great opening line. I did wonder if you could find a fresher way to say 'the moon waxed and...
by Sharra
Thu Sep 23, 2010 3:33 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Clearwater Diner
Replies: 13
Views: 800

Re: Clearwater Diner

Suzanne – I think this is one of my favourites of yours. I think the second draft is much better than the first. I do think it could be tightened a little more though is it still feels a little over laden with adjectives. I've hope you don't mind, I've literally just chopped all the words I think yo...
by Sharra
Thu Sep 23, 2010 3:21 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Partially when
Replies: 23
Views: 1124

Re: Partially when

Ros – this is fab. I’ve been popping back to it since you posted. As Nash says, this is really reminiscent of Frost’s ‘Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening’. You have some great lines in here. I especially liked Such promises as I have made are subsumed by snow, copied into every repeating snowflake...
by Sharra
Thu Sep 23, 2010 3:00 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Pantoums! Lots of pantoums!
Replies: 5
Views: 769

Re: Pantoums! Lots of pantoums!

hehe very clever :)
by Sharra
Thu Sep 23, 2010 2:59 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The day I grew
Replies: 9
Views: 622

Re: The day I grew

Thanks Ros and David - good suggestions there :)
Nicky
x
by Sharra
Wed Sep 22, 2010 7:51 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The day I grew
Replies: 9
Views: 622

Re: The day I grew

Thanks for the comments - and the debate about where it should end - I'm surprised no one suggested it ended on 'lawn' :lol:
I think my favourite suggestion is Brian's ending on up and down :)
Nicky
x
by Sharra
Mon Sep 20, 2010 12:09 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The day I grew
Replies: 9
Views: 622

The day I grew

At first I kept near the house for support, then migrated to the sun-cracked front lawn. Practised till the arches of my feet curled around the wood. I peeped over next door’s fence, counted the balls stuck on the shed roof, and noticed dad’s bald patch for the first time. The trees in the park brus...
by Sharra
Mon Sep 20, 2010 12:08 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Sacraments
Replies: 8
Views: 624

Re: Sacraments

I really enjoyed this. That first line sets the tone of the poem so well. And I loved comparing the children to 'unevenly round apples'. I wasn't keen on the last 2 lines. I would be tempted either to end with the man raising his eyes, or find something a little more connected to the rest of the poe...
by Sharra
Mon Sep 20, 2010 11:51 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Saving Space
Replies: 11
Views: 759

Re: Saving Space

Hi Clara I really like the idea of this, the image of shoving our lives into one of those space saving bags is very appealing. For me though it’s not quite hanging together I’m afraid. I think its because for me this feels like its happening over a period of time. The first stanza feel like somethin...
by Sharra
Mon Sep 20, 2010 9:05 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Long Rock
Replies: 6
Views: 478

Re: Long Rock

Thanks for the comments :)
Clara - yes it's right near my house.
Ray - you're right about the tide line.
And Nash, yes, I hadnt noticed that was my only pronoun, consider it chopped.
Sharra
x
by Sharra
Sat Sep 18, 2010 3:07 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Tribal poetics
Replies: 1
Views: 503

Re: Tribal poetics

Finally got round to reading this - there's a lot packed in here, will need to digest it some more. The thing that leapt out at me initially though is that there are so many ways poetry can be framed/analysed. There also does seem to be this distinctive American style, which seems to demand more of ...
by Sharra
Sat Sep 18, 2010 2:49 pm
Forum: Poetry Discussion
Topic: Pantoums! Lots of pantoums!
Replies: 5
Views: 769

Re: Pantoums! Lots of pantoums!

That's a quite a fun thing to play with :)
by Sharra
Sat Sep 18, 2010 2:44 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: the mayfly
Replies: 9
Views: 803

Re: the mayfly

Sorry Gavin, I'm with John on this one. I like seeing more experimental forms, but to me this was just annoying.
Sharra
x
by Sharra
Sat Sep 18, 2010 2:42 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: recurring
Replies: 6
Views: 482

Re: reoccurring

I really liked this. Unlike Arian, I quite liked the line breaks, they gave it a disjointed feel that seems to fit with the chaoticness of dreams. My only nit was the numbers - I got the #14 was the number of nights and #2 was the second that night, but it felt that it confused the cataloging of dre...
by Sharra
Sat Sep 18, 2010 2:37 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Long Rock
Replies: 6
Views: 478

Long Rock

Roots twist through shingle beside the creek, steeped in the creeping salt of the rising tide. Brambles tangle with branches, disguise rabbit paths, birds’ nests, dens furnished with flotsam. Blackberries burst from flowers, ripen out of reach and in the centre a broken tree its bark worn smooth by ...