Search found 1304 matches

by Sharra
Fri Sep 17, 2010 7:59 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: When I was seven - edited
Replies: 14
Views: 890

Re: When I was seven

I've chopped it and retitled it...
by Sharra
Fri Sep 17, 2010 7:52 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: The Commissioner for Native Affairs
Replies: 5
Views: 455

Re: The Commissioner for Native Affairs

Hi Ben I googled Neville and got Neville Longbottom from Harry Potter :mrgreen: – so I’m not actually sure who the Neville is, but I enjoyed the read anyway. I do wonder though if beginning with ‘Poor Neville’ almost shuts out some readers as makes the poem so specific. Maybe you need to decide if y...
by Sharra
Fri Sep 17, 2010 7:07 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Charades
Replies: 9
Views: 584

Re: Charades

Ray - this feels like it's really concentrated. I'm not sure I'm getting everything you are trying to say, I found it quite dense and cryptic, but I'm guessing that's part of the idea of it? There are some great images in here, I really liked 'stuck in the throat of your table' and the last image is...
by Sharra
Thu Sep 16, 2010 5:45 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
Topic: ennui and inexperience
Replies: 8
Views: 664

Re: ennui and inexperience

Welcome to PG Cicily :)
I enjoyed this one too - especially that first line, what a great opening.
Sharra
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by Sharra
Thu Sep 16, 2010 5:42 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Other Poetry
Replies: 11
Views: 1806

Re: Other Poetry

Maybe we should do a PG subscription and pass round each copy? :lol:
by Sharra
Thu Sep 16, 2010 12:33 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Other Poetry
Replies: 11
Views: 1806

Re: Other Poetry

Woohoo! Congrats!
That's a few of us in there, I think Calico is right, they must like what we're doing :)
by Sharra
Wed Sep 15, 2010 4:58 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Other Poetry
Replies: 10
Views: 1508

Re: Other Poetry

That's great Kris, congrats :)
Could you do me a favour and check if my Little Black Dress is in that edition please?
I had it accepted by them aaaages ago, but don't know when it will be published, I haven't had a reply to my last email to them.
Nicky
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by Sharra
Wed Sep 15, 2010 7:40 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: When I was seven - edited
Replies: 14
Views: 890

Re: When I was seven

I'm glad it seems to be working, there's some good suggestions there to tighten it - thanks. If I turn too quickly I still collide with that sound. WOW! Possibly the best lines I've read on this site this year! And Wow I'm blown away by that comment, thanks Brian. Re titles - I officially suck at ti...
by Sharra
Tue Sep 14, 2010 5:26 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: When I was seven - edited
Replies: 14
Views: 890

When I was seven - edited

new version Removed When I was seven he took my tooth, left me with this gap stretching into a chasm. My tongue fell into the bloody hole and when I cried there was no edge, no echo. If I turn too quickly I still collide with that sound. If you look, all you can see are my fingers beckoning. origin...
by Sharra
Tue Sep 14, 2010 1:35 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: the world is flat
Replies: 18
Views: 1016

Re: the world is flat

Delph, I really enjoyed reading this, the tone, the rhythm, the images are great, and to be honest if I read this printed somewhere I would probably just think how much I liked it. However, we are here to crit, so crit I must... I think most of my nits have already been picked up though. I agree tha...
by Sharra
Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:51 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Stardust
Replies: 8
Views: 578

Re: Stardust

Thanks Clara, your comments made me relook at the she and the way it moves. Still not sure about this draft still...
:)
by Sharra
Sun Sep 12, 2010 2:59 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Cycles
Replies: 10
Views: 682

Re: Cycles

Hi Clara Like Benjamin I think the internal rhyme you have going on here is working really well. Some of the images are quite disturbing too – it made me shudder. I like the movement through the food chain. I think for me, it feels a little cluttered and wordy though. The first stanza in particular ...
by Sharra
Sun Sep 12, 2010 2:43 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Shiva dancing by Southend Pier
Replies: 18
Views: 1056

Re: Shiva dancing by Southend Pier

I loved the images and sounds in this, I think my favourite part is 'reeled in by the sun they shimmy their way home at an angle' I'm also not keen on 'reality calls time' and I'm not sure about the line breaks either. As you said you'd be interested in how other people would lay it out, I had a go....
by Sharra
Sun Sep 12, 2010 8:47 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Stardust
Replies: 8
Views: 578

Re: Stardust

aarrgghh!! This one won't behave itself. It was one of those that came to me in the middle of the night, they don't like the light of day! I've posted a new version, which I'm hoping might make things clearer, but what I'm trying to achieve is the idea of looking at the Earth from way off, then zoom...
by Sharra
Sun Sep 12, 2010 8:42 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A Long Ride in the Country- second edit
Replies: 33
Views: 1532

Re: A Long Ride in the Country

Hi Suzanne That issue re truth in poetry is a really interesting one. I've recently read something about this, something about how sometimes the specific truth of what happened is sacrificed to portray a greater truth. I'll try and find where I read it. But I'm sure I also rememeber reading that in ...
by Sharra
Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:56 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Stations Of The Cross
Replies: 12
Views: 827

Re: Stations Of The Cross

Hi Denis That does make sense re your poetry group - if they knew you were trying for a specific structure for example, they probably would have focussed on whether you achieved that. I think sometimes we aim for a specific structure, and its a good exercise to do it, but at the end of the day we of...
by Sharra
Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:44 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: A Long Ride in the Country- second edit
Replies: 33
Views: 1532

Re: A Long Ride in the Country

Hi Suzanne Part of me really likes the naivety of the characters in this, and you have some nice images in here ‘fills their secluded space’ the saunas that ‘shouldered’ the lakes, ‘the magic of brandy and chocolate’ for example. But, hmmm, I think there’s a narrative problem and some poetry issues ...
by Sharra
Sat Sep 11, 2010 3:17 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Stardust
Replies: 8
Views: 578

Stardust

3rd version (I deleted the 2nd so as not to overload the post) From a distance it sits at the tip of her finger reflecting white, camouflaged swirls of blue and green. Below its atmosphere the continents shift uneasily, snag her breath on jagged edges. She plummets from pinnacle to twisting gully f...
by Sharra
Sat Sep 11, 2010 3:16 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Featured Poems: August 2010
Replies: 3
Views: 423

Re: Featured Poems: August 2010

Congrats everyone :)
by Sharra
Fri Sep 10, 2010 3:40 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Stations Of The Cross
Replies: 12
Views: 827

Re: Stations Of The Cross

Denis, the first impression of this for me was that there were a lot of powerful images packed in. I almost wonder if it is a little overloaded and that some of them don’t carry their own weight. With that first line, the opening feels contradictory – there’s the warmth and the quiet coldness at the...
by Sharra
Thu Sep 09, 2010 6:54 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Towing
Replies: 9
Views: 628

Re: Towing

:lol: :lol: :lol:
by Sharra
Thu Sep 09, 2010 6:30 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Winner!
Replies: 10
Views: 1554

Re: Winner!

Congratulations! That's brilliant news :)
by Sharra
Thu Sep 09, 2010 6:28 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Towing
Replies: 9
Views: 628

Re: Towing

I'm glad you like it even if it's not clear what it's about :) It came from a photo of men towing barges up a river, looks like its in a developing country, everything was a bit tumbledown. And I tried to get a bit political with the way the western world exploits developing countries, but also want...
by Sharra
Tue Sep 07, 2010 8:11 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: BCE (tiny revision)
Replies: 34
Views: 2193

Re: BCE

Hmm maybe I missed the point with the title then. I googled it and understood it to mean Before Common Era but with the pc comments I'm guessing it's not that? I have to say that sadly the first time I read it I confused it with BSE and was reading stuff about cows in there... It made the poem rathe...
by Sharra
Tue Sep 07, 2010 8:03 pm
Forum: Rules/Guidelines/Handy Hints
Topic: The IBPC and Poets' Graves
Replies: 53
Views: 30817

Re: The IBPC and Poets' Graves

Steve thanks for your support from me too. I have to say I'm still bemused by the whole thing and feel like we were either speaking a different language or living on a diff planet hehe.
And Ben you most definitely don't have anything to apologise for - you did nothing wrong at all :)
nicky
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